Found out my boyfriend still has contact with an ex's family. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

I found out my boyfriend is still in contact with his ex's uncle. I had no idea about this until his sibling told me who it was. I had seen the name pop up on his phone, but I didn't know it was anyone related to her. I don't snoop in his phone. I just saw the name come up when I'd glance over or we'd be in bed together or something and he'd answer a message in front of me. I never thought to ask who it was because what gives me the right to do that? I figured I could trust him and it was a friend or something.

We were hanging out with family and his sibling saw the name come up. They immediately were like "uh did ol what's her face's uncle seriously just text you?" My boyfriend said yes. I was immediately upset by that because I wasn't aware he had any contact with her family. The sibling pressed more and was like "so you guys are still in touch? What about everyone else?" My boyfriend said he JUST talked to that uncle only and didn't have anyone else's contact info anymore. The sibling didn't approve.

I was rather unhappy. Why would you need to keep in touch with an ex's family member? He said he doesn't keep in touch with her parents, her or anyone else. How do I know that for sure though? And what all does he and the uncle talk about? Is he asking about her or is she asking about him? There is no reason for you to still be in touch. All ties should be cut and you should move on.

Another one of his siblings still keeps tabs on at least the ex's mom on Facebook and even asked my boyfriend once if he did the same. He seemed annoyed and said no, why would I? His mom still mentions them too and he gets annoyed by it and says he doesn't care about them anymore, doesn't want/need to know what they're doing because they don't matter and he doesn't care. He said he has someone way better now and they need to drop it, let it go and leave the past in the past.

But then I find out he still talks to her uncle.

Am I overreacting by being uncomfortable? How would you feel?

[Anonymous]

It's understandable that you feel uncomfortable and surprised by this discovery. Communication is key in situations like this. Share your feelings with your boyfriend, expressing why you're uncomfortable with his continued contact with his ex's family. It's important to have an open and honest conversation to understand each other's perspectives and find a resolution together.

[boggboss]

Yes I think u are overreacting if u guys where teens I would make sense of this but your grow adults people grow bons and connections u hear he talks to this guy and u are assuming its about his ex thats because u are insecure or don't trust him but thats either shows a issue with u or that his actions are not trustworthy in the first place which is a prblom illness itself

[boggboss]

A problom itself*

[Asker]

I just want the truth as far as if he is in contact with the actual ex and I want to know about his relationship with this family member and why it wasn't just communicated with me up front.

[boggboss]

Do u know all of his friends? Like is it actually somthing he hid or did it just not come up

[Asker]

We do know each other's friends by name even if they are not mutual friends we both share. I never knew he had contact with anyone in his ex's family. He always said no. Turns out he does apparently, so that's why it bothered me. If he would have told me up front I have contact with so-and-so and that is my ex's uncle, I would have asked a couple follow-up questions to ensure he wasn't still attached to the actual ex, then that would have been that. Hiding it seems sneaky. Why hide the contact if there's nothing going on? Seems very odd to hide that from me.

[boggboss]

Ah if he did actively hide it then it's clearly a issue

[Asker]

That was what I was saying. I was very upset and confused about the dishonesty. If it's something harmless and you simply just wanted to maintain your friendship with the uncle, why hide it? It feels like there is something more to it since he didn't tell me about it until he got caught. If he would have been honest and told me he simply had a good bond with the uncle and that's the only reason he talked to him, I'd be fine with it. The dishonesty is upsetting. I do not like liars.

[RoseySarah]

Your reacting fine and him not seeing this as an issue is big red flag!

His family clearly sees it as bad!

Always be okay with your feelings they are yours and your reaction!

[RoseySarah]

Also that might be a cover for just keeping his ex and talking with her.
Using her uncles face and name as a contact instead of hers

[Asker]

See I was afraid of that too. The first sibling that outed who it was wasn't thrilled and disagreed with the contact.

[RoseySarah]

Time for a talk! Get that sibling on your side let them fight for you so it won't start a fight between you both!

[Asker]

The sibling is 100% on my side and does not agree at all and also was not thrilled I didn't even know about the continued contact. They wanted to know why I didn't know and I want to know that too. If nothing is "up", there was no reason not to just be up front and tell me about the continued relationship with the uncle. The fact that it was apparently hidden bothers me. I'd like to know if he really is telling the truth about not being in contact with the actual ex and I want to know if he is JUST in contact with the uncle or if there's anyone else he's involved with. And I want to know why his family still stalks the ex's family (mom and everything) on Facebook... then feels the need to publicly announce their moves/life details to my boyfriend in front of me. It's like he said - how is that relevant anymore? The ex and her family no longer matters. Why do we need to hear about their lives? I don't understand why his mom and other sibling would be doing that. The first sibling is totally against it all.

[RoseySarah]

There is a huge issue there and really it's not healthy needs to cut all contact!
If he can't then you two won't last!

There needs to be trust in any relationship and there is none now!

Give it a few days and ask the sibling to investigate for you

Maybe take the phone call make sure a guy answers

[BadApple69]

Sorry… I couldn’t even read all of this. My first question is this. Is he having sex with the uncle?
I would bet not. Family members of people you date can be pretty cool people. I still talk to the ex husband of my sister. It was a bloody divorcé but him and I have always been friends. You need to get your jealousy in check. You worrying about some uncle of some girl will end your relationships. You getting pissed off over this will have a better chance of ending your relationship then the ex girlfriend ever will.
You need to worry about what really matters and that how you deal with the relationship. You need to be the best girlfriend out there. That’s all you need to worry about.

[Asker]

I just got concerned since 1. I wasn't aware of it and it was hidden from me and 2. I also don't have any details as to why he still contacts this family member. Was it always just a bond? If so, I'd be good. But if they've like just reconnected randomly, that might be more concerning. I mostly just want truthful answers about their relationship and I want to ensure he's told the truth about not still being in contact with the actual ex.

[ThrillSeeker01]

Have a talk with him

[KrakenAttackin]

You are seriously over reacting.