My husband is attracted to another woman, what should I do?

[Anonymous]

It’s more complicated than it sounds. He is not actually cheating. However, his female relative moved in our house recently “temporarily” since her father passed away. Right off the bat I can tell he was attracted to her. She is a very pretty girl and she is very “out there” she wears short clothes etc. Either way, our sex life has been dead. We don’t have sex at all and we are cold. He came home late last night and I was faking being asleep in my bed. He basically hopped on top of me and he started kissing me and trying to get something started so bad and so passionately. I almost could not get the idea out off my mind that he is attracted to her sexually so he wanted to “use me” in replacement of her to fantasize having sex with her. Now this could very well be a stretch but i know him too well. He is definitely attracted to her and I rejected to have sex with him I literally shoved him off me and fought with him and went back to faking my sleep. I am really pissed at this whole situation and I don’t even know how to address the situation since he didn’t do anything yet.

[Finchie40]

You said she is a relative? are you sure your husband wants to have sex with his relative? That would be some weird shit that I highly doubt he would do or she would do , just because he thinks she looks attractive, it doesn’t mean he isn’t attracted to you and no longer wants to be with you. He is a guy , us guys’ have eyes and we notice a beautiful girl when we see one , but it doesn’t mean we act on it , especially if we belong to someone else that has our heart. It’s ok that you are feeling turned off by him checking out the other girl but don’t take it to heart , he clearly loves you or he wouldn’t of tried making out with you , Have a sit down talk with him and be honest about how you are feeling about that girl , I am pretty positive your husband will choose you over choosing her. And then fuck his brains out ,

[razelove]

Wow. You need to write fiction. Your sex life has been dead, and you denied sex when he went to you, both passively, then actively. After that you didn't communicate.

Those are the only facts I'm getting out of this that have anything to do with your relationship. "We" aren't cold form your description, you are. What's really going on? If he wanted to get down with his relative, I think he would have made some moves before waiting for her dad to die, or in your home.

Like that part sounds way too complicated, and with no actions besides your assumptions. That your sex life is dead and you're pulling away from him and not communicating seems more realistic, and lines up with what you yourself are saying.

[quickquesocheese]

let him leave, no matter how much you love him. if he would have truly loved you he would not have fallen for another woman overall in the first place. tell him to leave and to stay commited to leaving, and not coming running back to you later on. this is not going to be an easy process. But the most important person in your life is yourself. and make sure you always prioritise yourself before anyone else. no matter if you are married to someone or if you have kids, etc.

[DrPepper12]

Giving advice for facts not in evidence counselor.

[Nikki1989]

You might have to come to terms with the fact that sometimes, attraction to someone outside the relationship can be a symptom of underlying issues within the marriage. If you can't talk this situation out, your marriage could be on the rocks. Sorry.

[Apple1996]

Ew that's just disgusting he's attracted to her and trying to use you after getting horned up from her🤮 it's a good thing you didn't give into him

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

"he wanted to “use me” in replacement of her to fantasize having sex with her"

I think you realize it already, given how you describe yourself, this can very much be your own negative fantasy, not his. You're assuming the worst here, the reality, as you describe, is he came to YOU for affection. It can become a spiral out of control if you keep assuming the worst. When your sexual life is dead as you put it, then it means you REALLY need to talk with him, because his sexual life seems very much alive.

[RavVid]

And most likely won't since she is related. It will make Christmas dinner complicated.

How distant is the relationship and how old is she? I am expecting cousin. It is highly unlikely she feels attracted and it does take two to tango. She might not even be AoC yet.

I think you can only accept that some people are more attractive - that doesn't mean you are unattractive.
Jealousy might be distorting your perspective. He could well be fond of her and even feel family love. If she is a thing of beauty he might well like looking at her but that is far from wanting sex with his relative.

Your jealousy could make you start becoming unattractive to him. I think you should have the decency to honestly declare you are jealous. I think you should apologize for refusing sex due to it. You can't deal with this unless you talk about it. Don't make it that she has to move out either.

[Med_guy1978]

It seems like you are not interested in having sex with him as he tried with you when you were 'sleeping'. If he wanted to have sex with a girl and imagine this lady in question, he'd find a willing accomplice rather then try with someone who would probably blow him out. Guys don't think like that, he's probably very desperate and is getting turned on on every corner. If he didn't find you slightly attractive then he wouldn't have even tried it on with you.
One thing is for sure, if you don't make it work soon then he'll find another or your marriage will break.

[Makeushiver]

How much of this is fact based & how much is paranoia? It's difficult punishing people for things they haven't done. Hitler tried it but it didn't work out too well. Has he seen any hot, scantily clad women so far in your marriage? If so, I assume you both managed to stay married though the ordeal. Before you accuse your temporary roommate as an adultress and your husband for fantasizing about her while trying to have sex with you; it might be a good idea to clear the air and address the problem before your mind kills you

[Red_Arrow]

She is attractive and moved in with you. Nothing suggesting him being attracted to her. But you are being cold to him, refusing sex, and pushing him away. If he is interested in sex you are making sure he is not getting it with you. You are actually driving him towards her. The whole problem is of your making.

[OddBeMe]

Wow. Well sex is always a symptom or perk of a relationship. And he’s got problems if it’s a relative. But I’m not sure telling off or asking about it would help.

Couples therapy could improve yours and his relationship. And hopefully this incest shit is just a quirk. Humans are weird but he seems to know what’s wrong. I humped the couch yesterday. So hey, men right?

[LiamJHayden]

When people in a relationship are not getting along, it is very easy to think up "worst case scenarios" that may or may not align with reality. One or both of you will need to communicate, otherwise it will get worse.

[HelpfulWoman]

you're projecting onto the female relative that she's the problem when your relationship sounds as if its been dead way before.

[HighValue]

If your sex life is dead, you have had relationship problems long before the other person was around.

[avery58]

You need to talk clearly with him and ask him

[chrissykerdock]

start giving him blowjobs often as possible men seem to really love that

[DrPepper12]

LMFAO!!! I've never known that not to work!! Maybe you should branch out to couples counseling!! 😂

[chrissykerdock]

@DrPepper12 who are you to say it won't work

[DrPepper12]

I said I've never known that NOT to work!! Highly effective!! 10/10!

[Berethor]

By not having sex with you are basically pushing him to cheat. Thoughts are not cheating.

[noohair]

Ok, what started this dead sex life? I can tell you my ex wife used withholding sex to punish me and it did not work out. I am happily divorced.

[Sharkstealth]

His female realative? Your talking about incest?

[seviyorummm]

Don't think wrong thoughts, but if you want to chat, can you send me a message or follow me?

[Walksbehindtherows]

Every man should be with other women from time to time, that's normal.

[Jmmmfi4]

GUYS WILL ALWAYS FIND OTHER GIRLS PRETTY THAT DOESN'T MEAN HE WANTS HER MORE THAN YOU

[DrPepper12]

Is this relative a niece or something? 😲

[Anonymous]

You should have let him hit it.

[Titus_of_Ultramar]

Sounds like a you thing than him