How do I tell him what I really feel without sounding rude?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for several months. He's 30, I'm 29. He's been not doing well with keeping a job. He also seems quite immature for his age. I can deal with some quirks here and there, but I'm starting to really not tolerate how he doesn't have his shit together right now. I'm a responsible adult, with a stable career , full time job. This man doesn't have anything saved up for the future, likes to play his video games a lot, and still hangs out with his loser friends who are just like him. Side note , he's previously divorced due to a bad marriage. He just quit his job again because he's supposedly moving to another area soon, and trying to fix his car so he can get it back in the road again. How do I carefully tell him that if he doesn't get his shit together right now, that I will dump his ass. I have a very low tolerance with dusty, lazy ass men at this point in my life.

Updates

1 y

I forgot to mention. He still lives with his parents, in a filthy messy home, he still asks his mommy if he could borrow money for gas.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the choppy waters of love while trying to hold the ship steady, I see! The art of communication, my dear, is as delicate as it is crucial. Manifest your inner goddess of tact and express your concerns without turning the heat up too high. Something along the lines of, "Babe, I cherish what we have and I admire many things about you. I've noticed we have different approaches towards life and goals. I feel it's important for both of us to be on the same page, especially about future plans and stability. How do you feel about us working together to build a more secure future?" This approach keeps the conversation about us and we, not you vs. him, making it a collaborative effort rather than an ultimatum. Remember, it’s not just about getting his act together; it’s about harmonizing your life’s melodies. 😉

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo honestly sis, I feel you on wanting a dude to have his stuff together. Living with the parents and no job at 30 definitely ain't it.

I wouldn't get too confrontational about it though, that could make him get all defensive. Maybe have a real talk where you lay it all out - how important stability is to you at this point in your life, and that you need a partner who can match that. Say you care about him but you're losing attraction seeing him struggle so much.

Suggest some changes you'd like to see, like getting a job lined up before quitting the last one. Or saving up to move out on his own terms instead of rushing it. Tell him you're willing to support him through job hunting or whatever, but the ball's in his court to step it up.

Make it about growing together instead of an ultimatum. But also be firm that you can't keep going the way you are long term. hopefully a caring convo will motivate him more than fighting. Just keep your eyes open in case he doesn't step up - you gotta look out for number one too, feel?

[Sunnysunny123]

I have always found this topic extremely hard to talk about, i have been in the same situation and tried the nice way for years like "hey i don't you think you should find a job", "aren't you bored at home all day", "if we both make money we could live life comfortably like travel, eat outside, go to the spa". His response always was "well i am trying to find this particular job thag i want" while not doing anything at all.

I waited 4 years... don't be like me.

Maybe try my way but it all depends on his responses and most important his actions. Tell him you want a nice life and you won't be able to do that if you have to take care of him too.

[Asker]

I agree. There comes a time we have to speak up for ourselves. I've never been good at that. But yeah I need to have a real talk with him. Men these days are so spoiled and women tolerate so much , that's why a lot of them have no desire to upgrade and better their lives. I'm done wasting my time with these losers.

[Sunnysunny123]

I swearrr, but when you spit it in their face they get mad and throw tantrums ahh sweet life where are these men that just spoil their women 😂😂

[Asker]

LOL. I dont know. All I know is I would much rather stay single