How can I get a definite answer about our relationship terms?

[Anonymous]

So I met a girl online on a forum. We live far away ~5h travel. We were messaging each other since April, we met in July/August first. Now we will meet for the 4th time very soon.

This is where I’m in desperate need of insight from others... I really like her, but we haven’t held hands or kissed yet, we've only hugged. However, the hugs are frequent and not just quick, one-second hugs. Last time, I asked her about our relationship status — are we boyfriend and girlfriend, or just friends? I didn’t get an answer, but after I asked, she mentioned that she’d love to travel with me around the country and even suggested a few places we could visit (during her previous visit, we talked about traveling together. Everyone will pay their own share—she even offered it—so I don’t feel like I’m being taken advantage of).

I can't decide what's happening: getting friendzoned, taking things waaay too slow or something else. How can I speed things up a little? I don’t necessarily mean kissing, but clarifying the terms of our relationship. Simply asking does not work. I’m not very experienced at dating, and I’m having trouble understanding these 'signs'. I feel like she is distant physically, but very open verbally, sharing a lot about her life. Travelling with somebody is also something that I would not do with random guy/girl. She even made plans with me for the next year, yet our meetings feels distant in some ways...

tl;dr: Getting mixed signs, no holding hands, no kissing, no spoken terms about our relationship status, yet wants to travel with me.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you dont know how to make a move. Kiss her.

[Asker]

Thank you for your input! You might be right.
Even though she was physically distant the whole time? I don't want to be intrusive. Usually I go for it if I feel like the other side is more open.
I was thinking about asking her if I could kiss her. However, I decided not to because it felt like it might be an awkward question.
My question about our relationship status was something like: "I don't know what you're considering us to be right now, friends or something more, but I'm ready to make things official." I didn't get a concrete answer, just plans for our trip and her saying that she enjoys spending time with me.

Desperately in need of help... I don't have a lot of experience but never had something like this... so distant yet making plans for the future.

[Opinion Owner]

None of that matters, don’t think about any of that. Just kiss her. Trust me.

[Opinion Owner]

And DONT ask

[Opinion Owner]

You are slowly driving yourself into the friend zone, girls don’t make the first move, reading too deeply into everything is self sabotage, women like leaders, men in control, take control, wait until a moment of silence, watch a movie put your arm around her, it will feel weird cause you’ll be wondering if she’s comfortable or if she likes it, start to gentle rub her arm, this will put her at ease, maybe run your fingers through her hair, then try to get her to look at you, try being as close as possible too, on a couch or something, once she’s looking at you, speak softly, and loving, then make your move.

[Asker]

Thank you for your answer!
I'll meet her next week and make a move then.
We mostly meet in public, so I'll take her to a nice park where we can sit down and talk.

[Anonymous]

U are friendzoned

[Asker]

Thanks for the anwser.
Would you plan a trip with a "friendzoned" guy friend? Isn't that awkward?

[Opinion Owner]

No. It means he’s like a brother. How tall are u both

[Asker]

Tall? Pretty sure you meant how old... 29M 24F

[Opinion Owner]

No height lol

[Asker]

I'm 6' / 184cm, she is around 5'7 / 174cm.

[Opinion Owner]

How u both look

[Opinion Owner]

What makes u really like her? How long have u felt this way

[Opinion Owner]

If u were shorter or of her same height , it’s obvious u shouldn’t make her uncomfortable and go for a girl shorter than u. If u are really 6 feet and so handsome

[Asker]

I would consider myself average. I’ve received a few opinions from my female friends, ranging from average to handsome. She thinks she is average, but I feel like she is very pretty.

We met on a forum and started messaging each other. After the fourth or fifth message, I began to feel something special. We were so similar in our thinking, music tastes—about 95% of things, really. The only difference was in movies: I dislike horror, and that’s it. I felt like I had found a soulmate. After a month, she offered to travel to meet me in person.

I had a meeting before her train arrived, which lasted longer than expected, and I ended up being 20 minutes late. I texted her to let her know. She waited for me, greeted me with a hug, and said it was no problem. She had hoped I wouldn’t leave her there. At that moment, I realized this was different from any other relationship I’ve had. It was pretty much a blind date, and I don’t think most women nowadays would wait 20 minutes for someone they had never met before.

She traveled around five hours to meet me. After our first meeting, I asked when I would see her again, and she said she would come back soon. Three weeks later, we met again—she came to see me a second time. Now, I’ll be visiting her in her city, and we plan to take turns. But for the first two visits, she came to me and paid for her own tickets.

I can’t really explain why I feel this way. I felt it long before we met in person, but meeting her only deepened my feelings. The truth is, I feel like this is something special, something I don’t want to end. At the same time, I worry that if I become too pushy, I might lose her. It's "Schrödinger's relationship" (cat), until I fully push for an anwser I can't be sure what it is and at the moment I fear the anwser might be not the one I would like. Even the tought brought tears to my eyes, yet I'm a grown man and this never happened to me before...

[Opinion Owner]

How do u both look by the way

[Asker]

Well it's hard to describe in text. She is fit with no visible muscles. I have a little belly, I would say chubby, but when I search "chubby male" on the internet I'm not that "chubby" (198lbs/90kg to my 6' / 184cm). Legs and arms are pretty strong since I play tennis. Upper body is the problem since I sit all day long while working and don't go to the gym, I rather play tennis.
Neither of us wear glasses. No piercings or easily visible tatoos.

[Opinion Owner]

Face hair? Is she pretty

[Asker]

In my longer reply I said I find her pretty. She doesn’t find herself more than average. Her hair is fine, long, dark brown, natural. I don’t know why this means anything. Her eyes are beautiful, her iris has a very interesting, natural pattern. Never seen anything like that before, and I usually check peoples eyes.

[Opinion Owner]

Ohhh. How much do u both weight

[Opinion Owner]

Why doesn’t she see herself pretty. That’s sad

[Asker]

I don't know why she thinks she is not pretty. She is fit I don't know how much she weigh and I will not ask her. Really don’t care about weight personally. I already stated I’m 198lbs/90kg to my 6' / 184cm.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the high seas of relationship ambiguity, aren't we? Let's chart a course toward clarity without rocking the boat. If direct questioning feels like dropping an anchor without a map, try steering the conversation with a bit more finesse. Share how you feel about her, highlighting the joy your time together brings. It's like setting up a lighthouse to guide your ship safely. Mention your hopes for the journey ahead, indicating you're looking for a co-captain, not just a passenger.

Consider planning a special day that screams "romantic" but doesn't shout "pressure." It's about creating an environment where holding hands feels more natural than not. Then, when you're both basking in that glow, gently revisit the "What are we?" conversation, framing it around your feelings and desires for the future.

Remember, love, much like traveling, is about the journey as much as the destination. Make sure you're both enjoying the ride! 🚢💖