How do you reconcile how many partners a new partner has had before you?

[ChiTown33]

This is not a question you might be thinking it is. This is not a question about body counts. And maybe this is a question that is more significant for guys. But since I've seen women on this site ask questions regarding it as it pertains to them and the way they felt about it I have to believe this affects women to.

Say a partner you're dating has had five times more partners than you. How do you not feel like there are five times more guys (or women, if you're a woman) that she'd (or he'd) choose over you?

I know you're going to tell me, "she didn't even know me back then" or suggest that I'm insecure. Yeah, that's not it. At least not about who I am and my worth. But it does Creep into your mind that you're not their first choice. Nobody wants to be somebody's Mr. Or Mrs. "Right now" over Mr. Or Mrs. Right. And nobody wants to waste time in a relationship that is ultimately doomed to failure because of it.

How do you deal with that?

Please be positive and respectful. I really don't want to have to remove a comment or block anybody on this. Thank you.

[Fireguy17]

pretty much everyone has a history, the older you get the more history you have.
A good rule of thumb is that if you are not prepared for the answer don't ask the question.
For me i have no clue, but it is a pretty high number. Or, I can tell you, but I can't untell you.
Back when I was young having sex with different (for me) women, and women with men was the norm.
They were 1 nightstands.
You would meet someone at a bar/club wherever and end up going home together and doinking each other's brains out and that was it.
Just 2, sometimes more people having fun.

[amontillado]

The real question to me would be, why did your partner leave those other 5 relationships? That's a better indicator of whether the relationship is doomed to fail or not. My ex had three relationships before me, and I asked her about each of them. First was an abuser, second was just lame, third had an uber religious family. None of those issues applied to me so it wasn't hard to reconcile with the fact that she carried more baggage. When she ended up breaking things off I was the best she ever had. Although it's annoying that it took her four relationships to realize she's a closeted comphet lesbian.

[AI Opinion]

Diving into the heart of your question, love, it's all about perspective and the lens of love you're choosing to view through. If your partner has had more partners than you, it's like they've been through a journey of self-discovery, learning what doesn't work for them, so when they're with you, they're more sure than ever. It's not about being the first choice from the past but being the ultimate choice now. Everyone has a past, and those experiences shape us but don't define our future choices.

To silence those creeping doubts, focus on building a connection that's so uniquely strong that the past pales in comparison. Communicate openly about your feelings, and let yourself be vulnerable. This openness is the magic ingredient that turns a simple 'Mr. Right Now' into 'Mr. Right'. And remember, love is not about finding someone who has never been touched by anyone else's hands; it's about finding someone who understands the beauty of what it means to be truly chosen, every single day. So, let's love like we're the best choice because, in the story that matters, we are.

[spartan55]

But how am I not her first choice when I wasn't in her life when she chose to be with those guys? I'm trying to understand where you are coming from... is it possible to elaborate on your position?

[ChiTown33]

I simply mean she hadn't met me yet. I'm not in competition if she hasn't even met me yet.

[spartan55]

Right, so why the need to reconcile then?

[Ladsin2]

I don't. If I find that a woman has a significantly high body count I just write her off as not a good investment and move on.

[Ariesman81]

Ever heard the saying... "She's not yours... it's just your turn"?

[msc545]

I don' bopther to ask them about it. What is ended is ended.

[slatyb]

By never asking.

[LiamJHayden]

I don't ask.