Why don’t women who unknowingly get involved with a married/taken man tell the wife/girlfriend when they find out?

Question

I found out yesterday that my fiancé cheated. According to the cell phone messages, the other woman found out about me via social media and he blocked him. However, she did not bother to tell me despite finding my social media.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Because people that have been cheated on , usually take out their anger and frustrations. on the other person , instead of actually taking it out on their cheating partner instead because they don’t want to believe their partner did that to them and the cheating partner is clearly lying about their actions and will usually blame the other person instead of blaming themselves. The other person does’t want to have anything to do with their relationship period and doesn’t want to get involved in it whatsoever , so they stay out of it as much as possible, I have slept with girls’ that lied to me and told me they were single when really she wasn’t , when I found out the truth, I would confront her and ask her why she lied to me and why did you cheat on your partner with me? They all pretty much said the same thing , that he treats her like shit , or he does this and does that blah blah blah , nothing but excuses , for her selfish actions. I will then make it clear to her , that I no longer want to see her or hear from her until she ends her marriage or relationship cuz I want no parts of that shit whatsoever. I did have a few boyfriends’ and a husband find out that I hooked up or fucked his partner and they came to confront me and pretty much wanted to fight me , I just told them the truth that I had no clue she was in a relationship , and I hate to break it to ya man , she came on to me , so the person you need to be pissed about is your partner , not me. So I’m sorry she did that to you , but if I was you , I would kick her ass to the curb where she belongs , Shockingly some of these guys’ took her back and some of them ended it immediately , the ones that took her back were a shock to me I just shake my head and move on and think how pathetic and desperate he must be to take a cheating partner back onto their life . So in your case , she is just staying out of it and probably hurt as well that she was played as well. People that cheat are nothing but selfish liars that constantly tell lies about what they did because they can’t admit the truth and they can’t accept the fact that they are a POS. Why I no longer jump onto relationships with girls’ and you girls’ should no longer jump into relationships with guys’ because not everyone cheats but a majority of people do.

V_Injector · Accepted Answer

I wondered the same thing at one point in my life... it's complicated is the answer. Humans don't give a shit about others unless there is an invested interest when it comes down to it... especially if it puts them in the spotlight.

Like, let's say she did tell you. Think about all the possible ramifications of that. She doesn't know you. She doesn't know if you'll try to use her as a witness all the way to blaming her and wanting to fight her. And no normal person wants to be involved in either.

Also, what if she's trying to steal your man? ... then she really doesn't give a shit about you. It's like a strange flex she's doing about stealing your man even if he regretted her and is now talking trash about her. It's never a good time for the cheated on in that way. You don't know her intentions either.

It's complex, very complicated, and no two cases are exactly the same.

I think its more about not wanting to get involved in drama. Black chicks in particular are famous for not blaming their own man for cheating on them and instead want to chase down the chick that didn't even know he had a woman and beat the shit out of her. Not sure if you're a part of that demographic, but think about it... she probably don't know if you're like that or not. She found out and just wanted out of the situation... which is probably the best direction to take that situation.

MoonFace2 · Accepted Answer

It’s because the woman usually gets blamed by the committed cheater’s partner. There’s usually no point. They’re just verbally abused. The fact is, it’s your partner who’s done the wrong thing and here you are trying to find an excuse to blame the other woman. Why would she want or deserve to face that, having been innocent in all of this, as much as you are? Unless you’ve always known he’s a cheater which you have by the sounds of it, so I won’t say you got what you deserved, because I don’t agree with that. No one deserves to be lied to and cheated on. But if you already knew he was a cheater and turned a blind eye, you’re supporting his cheating behaviour instead of dumping him; and learning from it (we all get played by guys).

avery58 · Accepted Answer

I don't know, it was probably pretty traumatic for her as well. She probably just wanted to distance herself from the situation and work on healing herself first.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Ah, the tangled web of relationships! My mission on GAG is to help unravel these tricky situations with a dash of wisdom. 🌟 Sometimes, when a woman finds out she's involved with someone who’s taken, she might feel guilt, shame, or fear of being labeled as 'the other woman.' It's not about you; it’s her way of self-preservation. Also, she might worry about potential drama or conflict. Maybe she wanted to steer clear of any lovebombing or ghosting drama herself. Focus on your needs and self-care right now, you've got this! ❤️

MzAsh · Answer

I once found out a guy I was talking to had a girlfriend. Yep, I told her and the dumb bread didn’t believe me. So, I’m definitely one to say something… but some people believe it’s not their place. And in more rare instances (though it does happen) this is how crazy murderous shit happens. It can be scary opening a can of worms because you never know how people are going to react.

AviatorTom · Answer

I'm guessing she wants to believe that you don't really exist, that she is more important to him than you are. Besides, what would she gain if she told you. That would just make him pissed off and she would lose him.

ManOnFire · Answer

She probably didn't want to tell you for fear of your anger towards her, or to just not make things any messier than they already were. However, I am a believer that most mistresses already know that the guy they're sleeping with is married or has a girlfriend. So even though she blocked him after finding out about you, there's still a possibility that she could later on come back to him, which is pretty common.

A woman might hate to find out that the guy already has a woman, but she still won't want to give him up, even if she plays that whole noble game of being angry and dumping him.

In the meantime get tested for STDs now that you found out just to make sure you're okay.

blueonblack22 · Answer

First off I am  very sorry this happened to you.  You must be devastated. This is horrible.  But as bad as this the entire responsibility lies on your fiancés amoral decisions and not the other woman. The other woman really has no responsibility to tell you this one way or another. She probably was scared of you being devastated after you found out the bad news. She was probably also scared you not believing that your fiancé lied to her about being single. It’s not easy news to break that to someone.  But flip the tables on this. How often do men tell other men that their wife/fiancé/girlfriend cheated with them. Even if they had no idea they figure the other guy would furious and devastated if he found out. They would also assume the other guy would never believe that “they didn’t know she was taken”. Men virtually never confess this to other men. Never.

Anonymous · Answer

1. They aren't obligated to. If they truly didn't know there was another woman, they feel it's none of their business except to get out themselves.
2. You could be a psycho. Plenty of instances where the other woman loses it and shoots, stabs, beats up the other woman just out of justifiable rage at the situation, or because she doesn't believe her that she didn't know a thing.
3. If it's someone you know, even worse. They might not want to shatter a friendship because of lies this man has told them.

MarkyMark2006 · Answer

Sounds like she didn't want to start shit for him. I think you should address the "Why did he cheat" issue before worrying about her... i mean, are you not fulfilling his needs or is he simply a piece of sh! t in that department... since you're slated to get married, i hope it's you, because if it is him, you're on track for very very rough go of things... if it's you (I doubt it) try to put out more i guess. I don't know

In short, don't worry about her, worry about your more immediate situation, you deserve better, girl.

Anonymous · Answer

It's not the other woman's responsibility to inform the wife her husband is the one who took vows; the wife is typically in denial and finds it difficult to accept that her husband is a lying, cheating, loser. As a result, she takes it out on the other woman, who didn't know the man she was sleeping with was married. I know this because I unknowingly had a relationship with a married man.

Anonymous · Answer

A colleague of mine was once dating a woman from another country. I didn't like her. There was something sleazy about her.

Turned out she had fled from her home country because she'd been sleeping with another woman's man & the wife had threatened her.

Not saying the wife was in the right, but that's the thing with some people. They lack morals / ethics so WHY would they tell the husband or wife. And if you truly believed that the side piece didn't know, you naive.

SuchSightsToShowYou · Answer

Sorry about what happened with your fiance.

I think a lot of people would want to avoid that conversation, because they're afraid of being blamed, and also because they don't want to be the bearer of news that could emotionally destroy someone.

Nikki1989 · Answer

They usually fear the potential consequences of confronting the man's partner, such as being blamed, humiliated, or physically harmed.

Anonymous · Answer

She doesn't want the drama or to get involved and doesn't want people to know.

I got involved with an older married man. I ended it when she found out. He's still with his wife and kids. I didn't want to destroy a family.

schoolgirlskirtcaley · Answer

Sorry sisters but it shouldn’t be our responsibility to tell each other that their man is a cheating sack of 💩

SugarSugarplum · Answer

Because we women spend a lot of time scared that men will get angry at us.

desidoll · Answer

Because they are afraid if spouse might not take it well and push the blame on them.

nawtee_me · Answer

Because the wife or girlfriend always blames the other woman and not the man. They seduced him into it…. He would not have done it if they had not tempted him….

zagor · Answer

Not a good idea; she may decide to take you out of the picture as obviously you wickedly seduced her man who usually only has eyes for her.

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe they see that as overly vindictive. Plus she might feel like she has no duty to you because she doesn’t even know you.

Anonymous · Answer

Because 99 times out of a hundred she did know, and she's lying about it. She don't want to end anything.

Sexyryan2046 · Answer

I will never cheat on you, Beautiful if you as my girlfriend

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

Selfishness. Or maybe they get a kick from it.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

"Shoot the messenger" Syndrome

Wise4myage · Answer

I think a lot of women do that for revenge.

jahaims · Answer

Your problems aren't hers.

kaucky1 · Answer

It not stay on so it's not your fault

MasterKS · Answer

who cares!

Why don’t women who unknowingly get involved with a married/taken man tell the wife/girlfriend when they find out?

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Why don’t women who unknowingly get involved with a married/taken man tell the wife/girlfriend when they find out?

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