What makes a man, a man?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend, in anger said to me "you're not even a man" it kind of stuck with me. I do check up on her from time to time, I am good sexually but still I got this... On asking how can I be her ideal man, she told me "now I need to tell you that" please help me out, she said I need to have strong masculine energy within me for being her ideal man... Please help me out i really love her and don't want to lose her because of this. All suggestions would be appreciated

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Well, I don't know the context of her anger or why she said what she said. But I suspect I can guess what kind of man she'd go for. If I'm right, I'd suggest you break up with her pronto. I'd stay cool and calm, and say if you aren't man enough for her, then it's best for both of you that you move on. Be totally chill and impenetrable. Be immune to her pleas. She might try to play it cool and say "whatever", but if you demonstrate your walk away power, you've completely debunked her statement and she'll likely begin to second guess her statement and opinion about you.

Here's the problem, though. You can't allow her back if you break up in this way. If you cave to her, you've ruined any respect you've gained from her. The moment she believes she has you under her thumb, she'll become bored again and be on the lookout for excuses. I really think after some time passes, you'll realize you dodged a bullet.

The sex might be great, but a woman who doesn't respect you will make your life miserable, and the sex will end up going to another guy who fits her fantasy.

As for all the advice on manhood and becoming a man, I'd be careful about simply tacking on superficial activities to try to "be a man". I think that one of the things that takes a boy to a man is understanding himself and his own abilities and limitations in the context of other men. It shows him where he falls on the hierarchy.

The guys who join gangs or do crazy stuff to prove their manhood aren't necessarily "men", though. The activities aren't really what makes a man a man. It's the community of men that support boys into manhood. It's the friendships. That's why people tend to say join a gun club or MMA club or whatever; because it dovetails with male interests. But you can pursue your interests and you'll find your people. You may have a more analytical mind and fistfighting isn't really your thing. That's OK. Join the local chess club instead.

Find the group of men that you respect and learn from them. It will take a variety of guys to act as mentors and comrades. Maybe you respect one man's perspective on spiritual things. Maybe you respect another man's financial insight. There may be another who becomes a fitness buddy. You don't need a lot, you just need a community.

Best of luck to you, young man!

[Finchie40]

First off, your girlfriend is disrespectful by saying that to you to begin with , she has no clue what a real man is , Her real man , is some imaginary man that she made up in her head , probably from all the stupid movies she watches , so ignore her hurtful words , she is pointing fingers at you , before pointing fingers at herself first , , you don’t need to change for anyone my man , if she can’t accept you for who you are as a person , then she is the one that changed , and she doesn’t deserve you at all , The fact that she is comparing you to this so called real man , that she has made up in her selfish head , gives you the right to throw it right back into her face , do not kiss her ass and do not apologize to her toxic ass , stand your ground my man. and make it clear to her that you will gladly drive her to her real man ‘s house. or just show her ass the door and tell her to not let it hit her in the ass on the way out , if she can’t be respectful to you , you do not be respectful to her period , tell her you are going to find yourself a real girl , a girl that actually has a heart that knows what it means to be respectful . I don’t care how beautiful she is to your eyes , or how much you don’t want to lose her , because to be honest with you man , you aren’t losing anything , by staying with a disrespectful girl that says shit like that to you. Because whatever her problem is? it’s her problem , not yours , and do not make it your problem. Some females’ like to play these games with their men to get a rise out of him , because she is a toxic pos female , that has no dignity or respect for anyone but herself. Do not show signs of weakness to her my friend , put your foot down to her ass and make it clear you will not tolerate her disrespectful behavior and comments towards you. Make her feel like you will be completely fine without her by your side , A majority of females’ love doing this shit to their men , like she subconsciously gets off on this shit. The truth is most females’ love a challenge and to be put into their place , so by you not stooping down to her level , will make you the masculine man that she is craving . If that doesn’t work my man , than she isn’t the girl for you period and gladly let her ass go and go find yourself a girl that is actually loving and respectful to you , because she is more than likely thinking of this so called real man in her selfish head and sadly it could possibly be another guy that she is thinking about. , so Whether there is or isn’t , never stoop down to her level , because it makes you look even more weak to her eyes if you do. Most females’ want a dominate guy that she can look up to , that keeps her in line , especially when she is out of control. She doesn’t want to be pampered and her ass kissed at all times , she wants a man that won’t tolerate her shit , If you want her to be submissive to you , you need to stand your ground my man and do not let her walk over you , understand you will be perfectly fine without having this toxic bitch by your side , if she can’t learn to respect you. Every girl that has tried pulling this shit on me , I stood my ground and showed her the door , minutes later she is on her knees begging for me back and sucking my cock. I tell guys’ all the time , STOP KISSING HER ASS if she is disrespectful to you. A good girl will value you appreciate you and love you the way you love her , she will only say positive words to you , when you make her feel safe and secure and protected by you , Most females are naturally submissive to a man she can look up to. She doesn’t want to be in a relationship with a child , she wants to be in a relationship with man that can take Lead that can make her feel safe and secure. Guys’ that constantly kiss her ass , that constantly give into her are digging their own graves. Trust me on this my man , if you need more advice feel free to inbox me

[Anonymous]

so much bad advice in comments saying you're perfect the way you are

listen, you ain't gonna learn anything by believing you're perfect. I ain't saying this is entirely your fault and she may be toxic but that doesn't matter

for starters, you've already lost her respect. you won't be getting that back anymore

best to improve yourself in all areas physically, financially, socially etc. for the next girl that comes along and be unapologetic about it. having some firm boundaries and principles e. g. if she thinks you're stupid for being religious then tell her to fuck off and stick to your beliefs

and whatever you do, DO NOT CRY or express your views with emotions e. g. don't say I feel disrespected. say you are being disrespected

yes you can point out facts, stats, data and evidence to support your views and be unapologetic about it with a harsher tone e. g. instead of asking her why is she being disrespectful to you, just flat out state that she is being disrespectful to you and you won't tolerate it

as far as her "ideal" man, just look at whom other men look towards. just look at Trump, the Tate bros, Sean Strickland, Mike Tyson, Tom Brady, Henry Cavill, David Goggins, Kobe Bryant, Elon Musk, Joe Rogan, Jordan Peterson, Batman, Captain America etc.

you don't have to like any of these men personally but you can learn a thing or two from them on becoming more masculine.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Your advice is not better than the girl's take, summed up, what you're saying is:
Be what I want you to be.

... Which is just your ideal version of yourself projected on the asker.

[Opinion Owner]

@Maybe_Maybe_not nowhere am I telling him to be what I want him to be. I'm telling him the consequences if he chooses to do X, Y or Z and I'm telling him to observe trends and patterns to whom people respond to

if doesn't take my advice, that's fine. it's his life and only he'll deal with consequences of what he chooses to do or not do

[myloveforuisinfinte]

Sorry to saying that but your girlfriend sound like an idiot, immature and toxic partner. Run , before it's too late. She isn't a good person. U deserve someone better.
Coz the man she is talking about
emotionally dead inside
rude to women
strong and masculine
which is funny, because being all these things isn't being a ‘man’, its being a shitty person. If they say this you don't want to know them anymore. As a 19 year old girl, i am so sick of these emotionless and objectifying guys. if i see a guy cry about something or express an emotion, i am 200x more attracted to him. no man deserves to live a sad life of pushing aside their own emotions. if you can respect all people and have healthy emotions, you are a mature guy i want to know. if your a guy who says ‘be a man’, screw you.6

[myloveforuisinfinte]

Any mature and sensible girl want a guy who knows how to express emotions

[AI Opinion]

My mission here is to sprinkle a bit of love and understanding and never let the sparks fade! Mystery solved: being "a man" isn't about muscles or macho vibes. It's about confidence, respect, being emotionally available, and showing affection. Your love language is your smoothest move, buddy! 💪💖 Embrace who you are, and focus on being present and a supportive partner. Real men wear authenticity with pride! If she truly adores you, she'll appreciate your growth journey. Keep shining, Casanova!

[AviatorTom]

Individual women have different ideas of what their ideal man is. Your woman seems to want a caveman, which you are not. Time to seriously consider if she is the right one for you, or whether you each should move on and find someone closer to your goals.

[BobbieBoy666]

The concept of what makes a man a man has evolved over time. Traditionally, attributes like strength, bravery, and emotional stoicism were associated with masculinity. However, modern masculinity also includes qualities such as courage, assertiveness, leadership, and compassion12. Being a man is about embodying certain principles and behaving with respect, honor, and integrity.

“A true man is one who shows compassion and empathy towards others, and uses his strength to protect and support those in need.” “Real men take responsibility for their actions and strive to be better every day.” “A man's character is not determined by the mistakes he makes, but by how he learns from them and grows.”

[Asker]

🙏🏻 thanks

[Oncewildtwiceburned]

Bro, he’s an old man with “666” in his name. Of course he’s for “do what thou wilt”/do whatever you want.

Thats a wolf in sheep’s clothing, well now they have signs on their forehead’s (figuratively or not) that tell us who they are. Life doesn’t work well for those who “do whatever they want”. You want to be a masculine man, a man a good and attractive woman would cherish than you need to suffer and be single for awhile. MMA gym and savings account. An MMA gym that does competitive grappling and adukt mma fighters that represent them. These guys aren’t gangsters, they are usually good dudes. Go there, and put money away for years and bless yourself with a good car and a better apartment before you ever waste a second on women like your girlfriend

[Account]

I am sorry bro, but that is a toxic language she has been using towards you.
I feel bad for you, because you are getting psychologically abused and you are not setting boundaries for that. She is not communicating the issue accurately, instead she is trying to wound you. I don't know how you have it within you to endure this and to be thinking you are doing something wrong while she is the one who is not communicating things properly.
Even I know that and I am not the best at communicating things.

[Anonymous]

Please leave this woman, she doesn't respect you.

I used to think a real man needed to be cold & detached. Strong enough to hold his emotions in. I think the only reason I believed this was because my dad was like that. He wasn't emotionally available, he wasn't affectionate and he never affirmed his love for me. This is not a man!

I now believe a real man should be vulnerable. He's affectionate. He's open to an emotional connection. He's in tune with his feminine side.

Be dominant in bed. Be her friend the rest of the time.

[Dongie]

Nice. Your type is rare.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

@Dongie Not even rare. No offense meant though :D

[NathanDavis]

mistake number one... you're trying to be the ideal of someone else, rather than being yourself

mistake number two... to believe in idealizations in the first place

mistake number three... to take things said in anger, way too personal and way too literal, that's not always the best nor the healthiest, consider other perspectives

mistake number four... "I am good sexually" sex won't make a man out of you, you really need to work on a whole lot more to be more of a person, and more of yourself

working on all these things, would be a very good start to find your true self, and also to find someone else, who will like you for being yourself

[Aakash_Hangargi]

I think she's bored of you and now making excuses plus she wants you to take the intiative to go separate ways.

Just let her go and accept it's over and say it to her face and say goodbye that's how you would be a man of self respect and action.

She doesn't respect you and never stay in a place where you don't get respect.

When a women starts disrespecting you know that her love desire or your value for her is ended or she has found someone else that you would get to know soon.


Move on buddy just move on better days are waiting for you.

[IslaTheWitch]

you definitely can't build yourself based on the words of other people... you know your worth, things you are good at, and things you have to work on... the natural confidence comes from knowing who you are, your worth, and your ability to learn and change...

[Anonymous]

I used to date a lady whose sister was married to a hard-core military guy. He was very serious about everything. Never admitted any weakness or fault. Overly macho with any role that he played. And she said that her sister considered this to be "not a real marriage" and was unhappy. This was a long time ago and I don't know if her sister remained married to him. My point is this lady's expectations might not be what she ultimately really wants. I'd say continue to be yourself and if this isn't good enough for her then consider moving on.

[Abbycado]

Can you give some context around the conversation/argument that she said that?

[Asker]

In a conversation, she said "I am a very independent and strong woman... Maybe if you were even manlier you could make me do whatever you say" I asked am I not manly enough... To which she responded "you are manly enough but not manly enough for me, work on that" ... It kinda hurt my Ego and this turned into an argument and now she said my friends called you a child

[Abbycado]

Hell if I know. She seems like a twat, no offense. It is fine to be independent, but that doesn't mean you aren't a man.

[Ariesman81]

She's begging to be dominated! The next time you get the feeling of being emasculated... tell her to shut the fuck up and sit her ass down.
"If you were manlier you could... MAKE ME DO WHATEVER YOU SAY"
You're a nice guy... she wants a dick. Learn how to be one.

[Abbycado]

@Matt_M they have this really cool feature on this site where you can put your own opinion. Just sayin.

[Matt_M]

Yeah, well I chose to do things differently. I'm just innovative that way.

[Abbycado]

You're annoying af is what you are.

[Abbycado]

And just like that, you're gibberish is gone 🙂

[RavVid]

This makes more sense now. It is weird but women will test you to see if they can dominate you and if you they won't respect you. They can and they will continue to retest you. Maybe the evolutionary logic is if you can't protect yourself from her than you won't be able to protect her which is what she wants.

Other women seem to get off on seeing a woman being chastised and given her orders. Their eyes sparkle and they look at you with respect. It seems primal.

I am very laid back and a domestic in public is the last thing want. But there have been times when I have been forced to. At those times I have felt righteous indignation and anger... and won. In your case you should have felt righeous anger at being denigrated instead of being hurt and rushing to comply.

Can you see the inherent contradiction in you complying with being more dominating?

When women do this shit it is always existential because one of you will have cowed the other and unless you cowed her the relationship is effectively over

You could go back, swat her on her ass and tell her you are not tolerating her insulting you. You can't play act. There needs to be cold righteous indignation in you. Women respect that..

[RavVid]

It is weird but women will test you to see if they can dominate you and if they can, they won't respect you

[Purpleronnie]

I wouldn’t even justify that with a response , she is saying that to get a reaction , hurt you , control you , provoke you. I would literally smile and walk away , for good. These are just words. You have nothing to prove to her , nothing to convince her of.


Just to turn it on its head … No man I know would accept that bullshit !!

[RavVid]

Maybe you should give her some masculine energy on her ass.

Look this one of the cheap shots women will take at men. Maybe she wants you to be more in charge but at another time she is equally likely to be disgruntled by that. I've got the impression you are going to be walking on egg shells around her now and that will exacerbate the problem. Possibly she wants you to set boundaries for her.

A slap on the ass for being uppity might be what she needs.

[Oncewildtwiceburned]

Well, leave her ass, ghost the bitch.

Then you will have started your journey of becoming a better man, because you already are if you produce sperm.

Seriously leave her. If you want to be more of a man join an MMA gym and go to a men’s bible study and learn how to shoot a gun.

[LiamJHayden]

She is defining "man" as someone who meets the idealized version from her imagination. It would be as though you told her she is not a "woman" because she does not meet your ideal version. You are a better man than I am, because I would immediately dump someone who tried that sh*t on me.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you need to take charge of your life and her like a real man. Make more money. Work out at the gym. Give her orgasms. Stop being a little bitch.

[Dongie]

Bitch!! Large size!!

[Fromdusktilldawn]

you're terribly toxic and shallow, typical girl for the streets

[Dongie]

You know why some are prone to kick a man when he's down? It's called the 🐓💩 mentality.

[clampfan101]

Basically just maturity, and I don’t mean physically. (I’ve seen some kids act more like men than some adults at times…)

Also don’t try to be more masculine than you are. You should be yourself. Just try to think and behave like a proper adult. If that’s not enough, she’s probably not your type.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

At this moment, she was denying your identity. Even in anger, that says something about a BIG RED FLAG you should see and talk about with her. If you don't see the red light, read again the beginning of this comment.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Predicting what could happen next, if you lose your identity to get loved in return, then it's a loose-loose situation. You will lose yourself and her because she will hate you for conforming to her wish

[red-lipstick-girl]

A man should know what he wants, he should not be in a dilemma, he should be confident and work, he should not be lazy, he should be generous, he should not do things that will hurt a woman's feelings.

[BetaBucks]

Get your testosterone levels up and it all falls into place. If you aren't lifting weights 3-5 times a week, you're failing yourself. That's just step one. Add and DM me if you need some more steps.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Manosphere bullshit really? When a girl is already trying to force him to subscribe to manosphere bullshit, which is HER wish, not HIS? Come on

[BetaBucks]

Do you believe that having healthy testosterone levels and lifting weights is a bad thing because "manosphere" people believe it's a good thing? Have you ever met someone that was worse off with healthy testosterone levels and a good workout routine? If his SO doesn't find him masculine, and he's looking for answers, is it wrong for him to improve? Even if she didn't exist, he would be happier and healthier for it.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

You're not talking about health at all:

"If you aren't lifting weights 3-5 times a week, you're failing yourself"

You're talking about a command issued by manosphere, only this sphere uses such a speech. If you think that's remotely reasonable to lead someone to conform to an idea wanted by a SO then you have no idea about psychological implications here. Which is a problem, since we're talking about identity.

[BetaBucks]

Testosterone is a critical health metric associated with mental and physical health problems. Exercise is connected to both. Just because you're offended by manosphere content, doesn't mean that everything they talk about is magically wrong.

If you think that being straightforward with someone doesn't lead to them accepting reality, you have no idea about psychology.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

This is not straightforwardness you're offering, this is either an agenda (and we both know you have one) or blissful ignorance.

If you were truly using psychology for an ethical purpose you would have already seen how counterproductive your approach is in this context.

[BetaBucks]

What agenda would my answer even be related to? I legitimately think you're imagining things because of your own agenda.

There's nothing counterproductive about giving people useful and accurate information. All you're saying right now is that the information personally upsets you. You can't counter it with any reasonable argument.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

If you can't get that putting more identity denial on someone already getting his Identity denied by the SO is counterproductive then I don't know what to write anymore. It is logical enough already for you to understand it.

[BetaBucks]

If you can't understand that there is a clear path to improvement, then I don't know what to write anymore. It is logical enough already for you to understand it.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Thank you not for this boring mirror test, it's been proven already that human race recognizes itself in a mirror starting from a certain age lol. You don't talk about improvement, you talk about pressure to succeed in whatever area of life YOU deem right. Health is not about lifting weights, it looks like that only when you're eliminating all other aspects leading to physical and mental health, that is, eliminating the complexities of internal psychology, and reducing everything to hormones.

You don't look like an organism made of hormones only, so why the need to overlook complexity here?

Why, if not to enforce a specific agenda, whether or not you are consciously doing it. For all I know you could be unaware of the speech you're using, it would not change a thing in my issue with your approach. Ofc I have an agenda, this agenda is about proposing self-awareness and self-examination, so yes it is conflicting with your agenda consisting in spawning manosphere tropes masquerading as health advice.

Again, what the girlfriend of the asker did is denying identity, so yes, I'm calling bullshit on your approach when you are doing exactly the same thing with the asker. You are conveying harmful ideas, whether or not you realize it.

[BetaBucks]

Absolutely rhetoric. You agenda has zero to do with self awareness. That's an obvious lie. Self awareness is recognizing weakness and overcoming it. It's a simple path, even if it's a hard one. He can decide to improve or he can stagnate. That's up to him. You discouraging him from improving only shows your heartlessness. You act against his best interest, in favor of your own ego.

[tzdc21]

That's a red flag, the fact that she's trying to tell you what a man is, when she's never been one herself, or experienced any of the pressures or burdens that men have had.

[mobiusforniner]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/j9MfuWSQoWc

Pretty much sums it up

[Nikki1989]

Emotional Intelligence
Responsibility
Respect
Resilience
Empathy
Kindness

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she's operating the relationship in bad faith and you are allowing a power imbalance to occur.
Look inside yourself and define what being a man means to you. She'll either like it or not.

[Keyboardkat]

An X and a Y chromosome in every gene! That's it!

[Ariesman81]

The truth... she wants you to treat her like a piece of shit. It's not her job to tell you how to be a man. But letting her emasculate you like that is not a good start.

[Dongie]

Some women don't realize certain areas are out of bounds. Then there are some that aim for this to hurt for a very long time. It's better to leave those alone.

[Anonymous]

How do you love someone who doesn't even respect you and dehumanizes you? Dump her and find someone who doesn't disrespect you or compare you to others.

[andreasderjuengere]

Same as with a woman: the belief in oneself and the acceptance to be the way one is :)

[DtMe89]

She sounds insecure. She just wants to be reassured you want her, and that you'll do anything to keep her

[genericname85]

having a dick a dick and also a dominant yet stoic and care taking character.

[Fromdusktilldawn]

Translator

watch out, that is a popular manipulation tactic to hurt your self esteem. Get rid of that women

[driven159]

things get said in anger they are most of the time bullshit but if she really feels that way time to move on

[MK1997]

She's off. There are no rules about what makes a man or woman

[Matt_M]

Nothing in particular. The idea of the "Real Man" is a meaningless concept.

[Anonymous]

Male reproductive organs makes you a man, nothing else.

[Crazzyyworld]

Responsibility.. if you ever decide to act your age you will look better

[Anonymous]

She's just angry because you don't f*** her like her father did.😆

[Anonymous]

Do u protect and provide

[DaBiggestBird]

“Be strong enough to be gentle” - Peter Cullen

[Unit1]

Penis

[RedInnocent69]

The thing between our legs

[ABC1x1x]

The size of the titties on his arm.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

You're fine. Your girlfriend is just toxic.

[ihateTaylorSwift]

His god given penis

[Kingofkings1992]

Having a penis

[Anonymous]

Just age