If you have had a relationship that lasted at least a year: did/does the routine of a relationship bother you?

[OlderAndWiser]

An old couple who have settled into a routine.

New relationships have so much excitement and energy. There are surprises and unexpected pleasures and every day brings something new. But after some period of months, or maybe a few years, there aren't many surprises and the excitement isn't at the same level as before. Eventually, you've tried everything you wanted to do in the bedroom and you are repeating things you've done before. It's the same-old same-old.

Some people are okay with things settling into a routine. For some of us, knowing what to expect is comfortable, and we don't have a need for excitement as much as we need stability and comfort. But some people need more excitement and stimulation. (How many people claim that they cheated on a partner because they got "bored?")

For this question, "long term relationship" means a relationship that has lasted at least one year. What do YOU need in a LTR: stability and comfort, or excitement and novelty?

I've never been in a long term relationship and I have no idea whether I would want stability and comfort, or excitement and something new/different

I've never been in a long term relationship, but I think I would want stability and comfort

I've never been in a long term relationship, but I think I would want excitement and something new/different

I've been in a long term relationship and I have no idea whether I would want stability and comfort, or excitement and something new/different

I've been in a long term relationship and I want stability and comfort

I've been in a long term relationship and I want excitement and something new/different

I've been in a long term relationship and I wanted excitement and something new/different when I was younger, but I wanted stability and comfort when I got older

Updates

1 y

The alternative of wanting excitement and something new/different does not necessarily refer to cheating on your partner. Some people seek adventure through frequent travel, engaging in constant social activities, and avoiding doing things in a matter of habit or on a scheduled basis. However, the need for excitement and something new/different is sometimes used as a "justification" or excuse for cheating.

[sage2021]

I believe that if you are with a person that has natural high energy and he is just naturally exciting to be around, then everyday is still different even after a year and even more.
When you are with someone like that, everyday is different.
You might start each morning as usual. Make coffee ☕ and have coffee together while waking up.
Then he gets an ideal for what to do that day and days to come.
At the same time, you can find comfort and security with them.
You both have to have a wonderful sense humor because that's the glue that keeps you together besides your love for each other. 💟

So basically if you are lucky enough as I was to find a guy like that, then it's still exciting to be with him and at the same time the simple things you do together, as simple as taking an afternoon nap together and falling asleep in each other's arms is comfort.
And at the same time your relationship is secure in knowing what to expect from each other after spending quality time together and getting to know each other as much as possible. Ask lots of questions and be honest with your answers. Getting to know the real person you are spending your life with is worth getting to know the realness of who you are with. re-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

[sage2021]

Thank you for the MHO 🧁🌷🙂

[Crimsyjo]

Ohhh you ask the hardest question of all. because I am exactly in the centre of wondering thos. I crave excitement but I want stability and comfort too abd I've been wrestling with whether you can have both. I just don't know.

I think although initial passion and excitement will die down i am unique and creative enough that i will always find ways to inject some spice, joy and new excitement into the relationship here and there.

I've just had one year knowing my ex-FB guy. It's complicated. But I'm impressed we made it a whole year being friends and I am still always thinking up ways to surprise and entertain him still.

[OlderAndWiser]

Why ask easy questions?

[AI Opinion]

Spicing up the old routine, eh? 💃 That's something I've got a lot to say about on Girls Ask Guys! Relationships have that magical phase of falling in love, where everything feels super exhilarating. Over time, it’s natural for routines to creep in. Some of us definitely crave stability and find comfort in predictable cuddles, while others yearn for surprises and that thrill in their relationship.

Balancing these needs can keep things alive; maybe plan spontaneous dates or try new things together, including... yes, surprising each other in the bedroom! 😉 Embrace little changes that bring excitement, without sacrificing the warmth of familiarity. That's the real romance recipe! ❤️

[OlderAndWiser]

Get lost!

[HawkPerception]

In some ways, I like routine and in some I don't. It depends on what's planned and how often it happens.

If we plan to have movie night every Friday of each week, I'll look forward to it. My partner and I would take turns choosing what movie to watch and we could have a list that we share.

If we plan to have sex every day and repeat the same thing each time, it might get boring and seem more like a chore.

If in the summer, we decide to go on a hike to a beautiful location twice a month, I'd love that and look forward to it with anticipation.

Same as if we schedule time at the end of each day to sit by a fire pit and share our thoughts about our current mental state and what's going on in our heads while we cuddle.

Routine can be both good and bad.

[mandyfire98]

My personality in general is always adventurous and seeking something different. I think it's up to the couple to find new things and add some spontaneity to their relationship. Go different places, see different things, do different things on occasion. re-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

[texascollegegirl]

I'm in a long term relationshup so I love the stability and comfort, but I ALSO have to have new and exciting. I have a perfect match with my boyfriend because he loves both stability and discomfort. W share the same fetish so it helps. I cheat with BBC all the time and lie to him about it, and I absolutely love new BBC. He loves the jealousy and lying and envy, the fact that he has to accept all this to stay with me. I never would have tried BBC except for him. Now that I got addicted to the biggest Black dicks, I would die without them. He is at his happiest so long as I don't admit it. He sets me up to cheat with these guys all the time. He's as good at finding the biggest dick Blacks as I am.

[OlderAndWiser]

You probably wouldn't die.

[texascollegegirl]

Okay, I would feel like I was dying. A living death is no way to live.

[IslaTheWitch]

no, I like routines, so they don't bother me at all...

but... I don't remember in any relationship that every week was the same as the previous one... you know... there is always something unplanned, and life has its own plans... friends have stupid ideas... a rollercoaster :D

[NathanDavis]

I've been in relationships that went from three to four/five years... and I never felt like we "fell onto a routine" like that

we just had both, some things were more of a constant we both wanted in your relationship, and other aspects were there to explore, to try and to find new together

never had one relationship that went for a decade or so, so I am not sure how something like that would go

[PeachyPie93]

No I was fine in a long term thing.. but it feels men get bored of you after a long time.. They stop showing affection, they stop romancing you, they stop wanting sex.. and you are just left feeling like a piece of shit and not knowing what you did wrong.

[Anonymous]

we'd literally just eat snack then fuck
like a playdate gone wrong
we were both just too immature
and didn't care for nothing serious
ever since he told me he had a gay past
I stopped trusting him and felt uncomfortable
didn't wanna take things further after we reached that point
him opening up at the wrong time
when he should've been fully honest on day1
Like I was with him

[OlderAndWiser]

For me, that revelation would be devastating. Do you prefer routine or constant excitement?

[Opinion Owner]

definetly constant excitement

[Potteplante]

I prefer the comfort, the structure - the "boring" period. Choosing to love someone over and over again, even though things aren't always fairytale and rainbows, be loved - when things aren't fairytale and rainbows.

Knowing that I'm loved and that I love - without having to be something - someone at all times and that if I go into a slumber - I won't be kicked to ths curbside because I'm no longer exciting because im loved.

[Unit1]

the "primary alternative" is being alone and you'll have a girlfriend or boyfriend to lose. Is that better than risking getting some temporary excitement?

[Unit1]

My wording is terrible here. I'll rephrase.
Is risking your current and secure relationship over some temporary external excitement worth it?

[Smashingdoozy]

No I loved the routine. It made me feel safe. Life is such a whirlwind it was so nice to have something constant. Things I could count on and trust. At least until I couldn't.

[CarolinaGirl5]

Depends on the person. A couple should always have their individuality meaning a life separate from their relationship. Their own friends, own hobbies, things they do by themselves. If you're losing yourself in a relationship by not having friends and depending on your mate to be your everything I see where this issue could occur because that's not healthy

[Twalli]

My current relationship is my only, we're getting married.

[OlderAndWiser]

Congratulations!

[exitseven]

Before I got married I dated somebody for 4 years. We were in love but we also lived 1500 miles from each other. All good things must come to an end.

[Nikki1989]

No, 11 years and every day still seems as fresh as it did 11 years ago.

[TheCoffeeisHot]

The idea of routine in a relationship doesn't bother me. There's something comforting about it but at the same time, I don't think I'm ready just yet

[Slim57]

No, I love being in a good, stable, relationship. re-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

[Jay-_-]

I've been in a long term relationship 2 times never got into one again and not planning on it anytime soon. re-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

[OlderAndWiser]

You've had two relationships that each lasted more than a year?

[Jay-_-]

Yes.

[OlderAndWiser]

Wow!

[Agape93]

Nopere-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

[KittygosMeoWW]

No lack of effort does

[OlderAndWiser]

So you are okay with routine as long as your partner is making an effort?

I've been in a few one-sided relationships. It really blows!

[KittygosMeoWW]

Routine isn’t bad

[OlderAndWiser]

Agreed.