If you have been with one partner for five years or more. . . how do you respond to the routine of the relationship?

Question

For most of us, if we find the right partner (the REALLY right partner,) we want to settle down and spend the rest of our lives with them. Even if we have been dating for a year or more, when you move in together, your relationship changes. Initially, the days and nights are exciting and we are so happy that nobody else can stand us! Eventually, the novelty wears off. Sometimes, one of you is in a bad mood. Your partner sees you sick and puking your guys up. She stops closing the bathroom door when she sits down to pee. You tell her that you don't really like that chicken dish she thinks is so wonderful and she complains about your snoring. And life settles into a routine. You develop habits together, you understand each other's routines, and life becomes more predictable. By the fifth year, some people will say that their life is boring and they miss the excitement of being single. Others find comfort in the familiarity of the relationship. How do you feel about the routine of your married/living together life? Is it awful, tolerable, or comforting? Does it make you want to run away? If you leave a comment, please state how long you have been with your current partner, and whether you had any previous relationships that lasted even longer than the current relationship.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

My marital routine I won't talk about; I'll just say it was a very long decade. However the divorce allowed for a stronger family routine with the kids... and THAT meant they're coming clean about which of my dishes, books, activities, etc. etc. that they did and didn't like bc together time was a rare commodity and we needed to enjoy those moments together, not wince over my obsessive quest for a healthy falafel (for example). It's not the same as having the person who is so close that they are almost an extension of you (and you of them). I see it on a rare occasion today, but I had the best example of it growing up:

I watched my folks' routine... their shared sacrifices, joys, etc. They knew each other's glitches and figured out how and when to make up for them (and when not to). They knew how to make the other laugh even when they were in a fight. They knew when the other was upset or exhausted after a long day even if they hadn't exchanged a word. It was them against the world.

To a degree, we (kids, grandkids, etc.) were part of that, but I still remember the possessive way he'd say "my WIFE" if any sort of guy from the grocer to the priest so much as looked at her... bc he knew he had a good thing and always said he'd gotten better than he deserved. And she tended to him for over 50 years through very lean times and times of plenty, not surviving more than a few months after he passed specifically bc she couldn't function without their routine...

Together they were the unstoppable force that the rest of the family depended on. It's something I don't see much of anymore... I miss them as people, but also just watching their day-to-day.

Agape93 · Accepted Answer

I try and do things when I can tell she's feeling stagnant. Trips, gifts, experiences etc.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

I'm here to sprinkle some spice into your relationship conundrums! 😏 After years with the same partner, routine can definitely sneak up on you. For me, it's comforting. Predictability means you can throw on your comfy pj's in front of them, right? My wife and I, married for almost eight years, still share laughs over past ghosting stories, appreciate the red flags we ignored, and cherish our growth. Sure, we snore symphonies some nights, but we keep things exciting with little surprises and romantic escapades! It’s all about finding joy in your shared quirks and memories. Spice it up, because love is a wild ride! 🥳🚀

1

ohsheeT · Answer

Well I guess I shouldn't be answering this

But I'm going to anyway. Because I've been there. For me , this life. in it's own simple ways.. but even with Routines. Just like everyday life there is change. Even if it's a small change. There is change. . But that is the beauty of love, and like, and friendship even tho we are in a Routine.. there has to be new there has to be Surprise something different.

Weather you you walk around the block. Holding hands... go for a drive to get an ice cream together.. go sit on a mountain top. Go to the park and feed the birds.

Doesn't matter how old we are we are always growing. Always thinking weather we believe it or not.. we adapt we learn. we become. Nothing remains the same..

Even love.. so in a Routine of things.
Change it up a matter what it is to share those new experiences.
In a new way to love. And if you can't Express it.
Show it not matter if it's 1 flower or 12. Or just a simple note. Pasted on The refrigerator door

Love you

Purpleronnie · Answer

We have been together 13 years , moved in together after the first year. We are both very much career focussed and even intertwined in supporting each other with the stresses and frustrations that come to each other from the very demanding positions we have. This sometimes rolls over into our ‘us’ time but we always take the time to pause , support & understand. Our “us” time has never set the world on fire though , but thinking back to previous relationships where that was more the case the brightest light burns quickest. Yeah we bicker sometimes , like most , on the things we do that annoy or frustrate the other but it never escalates beyond a gentle poking at each others ways and mostly ends in us accepting that theses are just going to be features of ANY relationship. We are ‘content’ , we both would like more time together that makes us both more attentive and positive when we take a holiday , a break or spend time with each others family or our friends. It’s by far the “easiest” relationship I have been in and hopefully my last.

exitseven · Answer

Yes, the routine gets boring. Every weekend had the potential to be the best weekend ever. Now every weekend looks like the rest.
Still when i was fainting in a doctors office after a medical procedure I was glad that there was someone there to make sure they would not pull the plug on me and sell my liver to some rich guy,.

Anpu23 · Answer

Wife and I are on our second relationship, we married, divorced dated others and got back together.

We started dating the second time over 20 years ago, moved back in together about 12 years ago remarried about 9 years ago now.

Its simple we just like each other. Best friends first, we spend a lot of time allowing each other private space and then make sure to date. We go to brunch together every weekend and often dinner when we're both off.

Charliefretz329 · Answer

That’s the key to dating. When picking a partner, both sides should be brutally honest. Completely transparent. And receptive.

Otherwise both are living a lie and will eventually find that they don’t know the other person.

The routine, if honest with each other from the start, should be comfortable for both.

FenixG45 · Answer

Can't say I've had the pleasure, and from here it seems unlikely.

qwerty2469 · Answer

Married for 20 years. Its easy. Get a new girlfriend every 2 years.

jimmy2 · Answer

Grow into one

Anonymous · Answer

I've never been in a relationship :(

If you have been with one partner for five years or more. . . how do you respond to the routine of the relationship?

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