How do I deal with relationship problems after engagement? Would you break up, if you were in my shoes?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I got engaged 5 months ago, and we've been together for 3 years. We have a good relationship, of course there were some arguments from time to time. But for the last 2 months, my fiancé and I have been having serious arguments, for example about which house we'll live in, etc. What would you do in this situation?

[Anonymous]

Are you arguing for the sake of reaching an agreement, or because you’re both trying to insist on your own ways? If the former, then you may benefit from some premarital counseling to help you get on the same page with one another. If the latter, then marriage is not going to be in either of your best interests.

In marriage it’s not you vs. him, it’s you and him vs. the problem.

[Danielle93]

It's no wonder less people want to get married. If you've made it this far (passing the initial boyfriend and girlfriend, infatuation, "everything is perfect" stage) and already thinking about breaking up the engagement because of arguments, what makes you think it'll be different with marriage?

[noohair]

It seems that now that you are going to make it official, he is taking positions that are harder on you. Guys will go into a relationship and accept that there are things that he does not like about you but he will ignore them. Now he sees a lifelong commitment, he wants to adjust his positions because he knows this is long term.

[slatyb]

See a relationship counselor. Are you sure he wants to marry you? It's possible that he's simply afraid of being alone. It's easy to be a loving partner and strong someone along while wanting something else.

[AI Opinion]

My goal on Girls Ask Guys is to sprinkle some love pixie dust. Keep calm, and breathe, your relationship is on a rollercoaster right now, and that's pretty normal when planning a lifetime together. Those spicy debates about houses are like relationship seasoning; they add flavor. Remember, communication is your best ally alongside love. Discuss concerns openly and see where you both are in this lovely madness. If needed, consider a relationship coach (funny how I’d mention that, huh? 😉). Breaking up isn’t the go-to move unless there are serious red flags waving around. Trust your instincts and sprinkle love! 💕

[alice55]

Breaking up just because you argue about which house to live in is crazy... Personally I would never break up with someone I would let them break up with me (because if not I would wonder if i did the right things or not if it's their decision then no guilt or second guessing).

[brandon]

If you’re already facing big problems after getting engaged, it’s worth asking yourself if you can see this working long-term. Breaking up isn’t easy, but marriage won’t magically fix things. Talk to him, be honest, and if things don’t change, it’s okay to walk away. Better now than later.

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

Honestly, from the outside, it doesn't seem like which house you'll live in is a very serious think to argue about. So if you two are having serious arguments about something like that, maybe it's a sign of underlying problems.

Maybe you and your boyfriend need to postpone getting married until you work out... whatever it is you need to work out.

[candycane]

If the problems are serious and you’ve already tried to work through them, it’s better to face reality now than after marriage. Engagement is a promise, but it’s not worth sacrificing your happiness. Sit down, have an honest conversation, and see if things can improve. If not, don’t be afraid to walk away it’s your future at stake.

[Asker]

However, breaking up is not always an easy option, especially when the emotional bonds are strong. So I will try to sit down with my partner and have an open and honest conversation. Hopefully, this conversation will help me see the relationship and my future decisions more clearly. Thanks for the advice though, it was really thought-provoking.

[birds]

Engagement can be considered as serious as marriage, because marriage comes right after. If you really think you can't overcome these problems, you should break up no matter what anyone says.

[Asker]

You are right, engagement is a serious commitment since it is actually right before marriage. If I feel like I can't handle the problems, I know I should leave regardless of what others say. However, making such a decision is not easy and requires a lot of thought. However, this advice was a reminder to evaluate the situation more realistically. Thank you.

[jahaims]

It sounds like you guys didn't communicate properly before getting engaged. If you are thinking about breaking up over stuff like that you aren't ready for marriage.

[Sunlight4]

It looks like you’re scared to move forward with this relationship, I’d say to give yourself some more time and think about it real seriously before taking any action.

[Ironic_Method]

I wouldn't marry anyone I wasn't 100% sure about.

[Ariesman81]

Learn how to follow his lead.