My boyfriend recently broke up with me and I'm really attached to him because I lost my virginity to him. What can I do to feel better? There are times when I don't care and I feel happy he's gone but then at night or random times I miss his text messages and read our old ones and I start crying wishing he would come back. I ruined our relationship by treating him badly at the beginning aka a year ago which caused him to start being aggressive towards me now where he accidentally hits me or chokes me from anger and accidentally almost r8ped me because he thought me pleading no I don't want it meant I did. I feel like I need him and no one else will want me. He always tries to break up with me but I always beg him to stay I want to do that so badly but I'm trying not to humiliate myself again. He compares me to his ex and then when not pleasing him he says he'll find someone else to do it for which he said sorry he thought I'd liked that after many times telling him I don't like when he makes comments about other things. I'm begging him right now and he always puts in my face how I left him meaning I don't love him and such.
Dealing with a breakup?
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no no no, i see that you're blaming this on yourself yet HE is the one who chose to respond with aggressive physical and emotional abuse... even attempted rape... compares you to his ex, constantly breaks up with you, belittling you, comparing you... that's not good! if anything, this guy is just awful and you being away from him makes you safer and wiser to choose a better guy. this is more his fault than yours. he made you think it's your fault and essentially gaslighting you so he can act like this. good riddance to him! you're better than that.
first you need to figure out do you actually wanan be with him or not, is that kind of relationship you want, is it healthy, does it really make you happy or is it just addictive, is it worth working on, can he even be a man for you. When you answer that q you will know what to do. If you wanna work on relationship then it rquires self work from both sides. If you wanna break up than you need to cut all ties and mourn it.
Moving on