What is it about some women that attract men like magnets?

[MoonFace2]

All the men in my friend group find my bestie sexy. I’m well groomed and feminine, very pretty, equally intelligent to my friend and outgoing.

My friend is very intelligent, loyal and fun, but dresses badly and has a scruffy hairstyle and is really quiet and a tomboy. It’s easy to see why a lot of guys like her, but why do they ALL like her; and not me, except as a friend (the guys in our friend group).

I’m not jealous, at all. I love my bestie and I want her happy. But I do sometimes find it genuinely puzzling as to why all of them prefer her to me romantically.

[Shoichiro]

This is MY opinion.


Your description of yourself seems to miss very necessary points of clarification - you mentioned being well-groomed, intelligent, and outgoing, but you didn't mention anything about the way you actually look. You could be ugly and/or too fat to me. As far as I'm concerned, if you're a fat, well-groomed, "feminine" woman, I couldn't care less about you from a sexual standpoint. Firstly, whether or not you're sexually attractive to me is weighed heavily on how your body looks. If you don't have an attractive body, I'm simply not attracted to you, regardless of anything else you have going for you. Secondly, being well-groomed is not beneficial beyond the point of not looking dirty (makeup, nail decorations, and all that extra junk is off-putting to me). Being outgoing is simply irrelevant to me.

The reason I point this out is because the way a women looks is so obviously a factor when it comes to how attractive they are to a man, but somehow you skipped that description, which is very suspicious to me. I suspect you're either ugly or fat or both to many of those guys, but you're unwilling to accept the truth (I may be wrong but this is my suspicion nonetheless). Alternatively, you could actually believe these things you mentioned are the best markers of attractiveness (which I definitely don't believe) because you've been fooled by the popular lies that men claim to be attracted to bullshit (a lot of men are pressured to say they're attracted to/don't care about things because they won't get women unless what they say is politically correct).

I believe a lot of men and women have been lied to about what people actually find to be sexually attractive. I'm not saying that everyone has the same tastes, and I don't believe that, but there are actually things that can boost your chances of success significantly (getting in shape is definitely one of them). There are men that like fat women, and men that like fit women, and men that skinny/slim women, but there are far more non-fit women than in-shape women in the west, so there is a very large chance that you will gain a lot of attention from the men who like in-shape women if you get in-shape. (In-shape means that you LOOK fit. I point this out since a lot of men and women say they go to the gym and they don't look like they've made any meaningful progress.)

My questions to you: Do any of the following words describe you? Fat, thick, curvy, plus-sized, chubby. Do you think anything about your friend's face's description is different to yours?

[MoonFace2]

We’re both chubby. I didn’t want to brag, but since you asked, I’m very attractive. Despite being chubby, I have been asked three times to go for a professional career as a model.

[MoonFace2]

When I go on dating sites, I get heaps of messages all the time and when I walk up the street, guys watch and honk their horns and are nicer to me than to my guy friends. However, they’re often more attentive towards my friend. Who is less attractive and quieter.

[Shoichiro]

I will continue to give my unfiltered opinion so that it can actually be useful to you (whether it's hurtful or not).

If we think about things from a supply/demand perspective, notice that most girls will act in a way to capture the attention of most guys. This leaves guys that have niche tastes with very few women that satisfy their tastes. If a girl does appear that satisfies their tastes, all of these guys see this as a rare opportunity and will try harder to get the girl (in this case, your tomboy friend). They could also have REAL shared interests with the tomboy. I mention this since I don't think I share any interests with women, so if a woman comes along that I do share interests with, I'll be very intrigued.

Another theory is that you seem out of reach to guys, so they don't bother wasting time pursuing you. I don't believe this is the case but it's possible. I have noticed that myself and a lot of my friends would rather go for a woman that is actually accessible (which tends to translate to the woman being/looking humble). I personally like humble women and dislike women that I know are attractive to most men (maybe I'm a hater LOL).

[MoonFace2]

You’re not a hater. You raise some excellent points. Thank you 🥰

[DryGermanGuy]

Because she is a tomboy, she appears to be more of a guys' girl and less of a "princess".

[MoonFace2]

So, how do I come across as less of a princess, when I am down to earth and friendly but I dress girly?

[MoonFace2]

The last guy I liked was a friend of both of ours and because I dressed nicely, I was told by mutual friends that he accused me of being after his money.

[MoonFace2]

Or I should say, how do I find a balance, between working on the way I present to others, without changing who I am or pretending to be someone or something I’m not?

[DryGermanGuy]

Every guy is different of course, someone like that clown afraid for his money is a lost cause, no matter what you'd do. If the guys like tomboys, they like the next-door girls that watch sports games with them, help repair a car or go riding motorbikes or quads together. Sharing hobbies is one of the easiest ways to establish a common base.

[beefcakebradybatson]

There are FAR TOO MANY "princesses" and FAR TOO FEW tomboys !!!

[MoonFace2]

@beefcakebradybatson I am not a princess, just because I have big toys, a pretty face, a bubbly personality and I take pride in my appearance.

[MoonFace2]

Big tits I mean lol

[DryGermanGuy]

"The difference between men and boys is the size of their toys."
- Proverb

[beefcakebradybatson]

All right, MoonFace2 !!!(The long-ago MLB right-handed pitcher Johnny Lee Odom, who attended Macon, Ga.'s blacks-only Ballard-Hudson High School with the great R&B singer Otis Redding, who was killed in a Lake Monona plane crash with all but one of his band, Dec.10,1967,57 years go today, was dubbed "Blue Moon" by a boyhood buddy who said Odom's round face resembled the moon. If you're interested, ask a much older relative about Johnny Lee "Blue Moon" Odom and Otis Redding).

[MoonFace2]

@beefcakebradybatson I definitely will. I called myself MoonFace because of my moon shaped face 😊

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Guys like girls who they feel comfortable with. Your friend likely gives a very relaxing, chill vibe and that is very attractive.

I suspect that if you are everything you say, there is a possibility that you may need to relax a little bit. I'm not saying change who you are; I'm saying to risk being seen imperfect. Laugh at yourself. Listen more than you talk. Let your hair down a bit.

I don't know all of the circumstances and I may be completely off the mark here, so take this with a grain of salt if it doesn't apply. I responded because guys tend to like me, and I believe that my ability to make them feel at ease is a large part of it. I actually have to be careful, because guys can easily assume I "like" them when I am simply a gal who grew up surrounded by brothers, and I know how they roll. :D

Hopefully that gives you a few ideas, anyway.

[MoonFace2]

Yes, that’s extremely helpful. Thank you 🥰

[TheRealPepperPotts]

MoonFace2 Glad it did. I wish you the best! :D

[MoonFace2]

Thanks 🥰😘😊

[MrOracle]

This is more-or-less what I said, so we agree @TheRealPepperPotts.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@MrOracle Just found yours and read it. I should have just said "What he said ^ ". :D Well-put and agreed!

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure. And you had a chance to be a model, so it shows it’s not all looks. I’m not sure why guys love certain girls.

[MoonFace2]

Agreed. Maybe I have to go out more and try harder, or perhaps I should just be myself. I don’t mind admitting that I envy her ability to understand men.

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe that’s it. Girls who understand guys are often very attractive to them.

[MoonFace2]

Maybe 😊

[CuriousMoonFox]

@moonface2 Do you envy your friend?

[MoonFace2]

@CuriousMoonFox I do envy her ability to make guys feel at ease in her presence, a little bit.

[CuriousMoonFox]

@moonface2 Do guys feel uneasy around you?

[MoonFace2]

@CuriousMoonFox not exactly. I have a lot of male friends. I just don’t seem to give most of them with about three exceptions, a spark that she gives them.

[MoonFace2]

I don’t want to attract my guy friends, but I wonder if I should improve on anything, in case guys who aren’t my friends prefer her to me.

[CuriousMoonFox]

@moonface2 I see. Because if they were uneasy around you I'd think it's because they are attracted to you and feel more platonic towards your friend because they are at ease with her.

[CuriousMoonFox]

@moonface2 That sounds as if you are competing with your friend.

[MoonFace2]

@CuriousMoonFox I’m not as of yet. Clearly she’s doing something right, when she’s quieter and significantly less attractive physically and not as well dressed as me and I’d like to know her secret. That’s all.

[MoonFace2]

What I usually think is that if someone doesn’t want you, then there’s nothing you can do to change their minds and you shouldn’t try, but if there are a whole heap of desperate, loser guys hitting on you and your friend seems to attract most of the better quality men and you want to know how to attract good men too, it’s not unreasonable to want to know how to improve.

[CuriousMoonFox]

@moonface2 Maybe there is no secret. Maybe it's just because guys feel safer with her precisely because she is less attractive. They might think chances are higher to "score" with her than with you because of that. Who knows?

[MoonFace2]

@CuriousMoonFox you raise a good point. Thanks 😊

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the mysteries of attraction! Sometimes, it's not about the surface stuff like looks or clothes, but that je ne sais quoi, that vibe or energy. Your bestie might have a certain confidence or authenticity that draws people in, kind of like a magnet. Guys can be drawn to someone who’s comfortable in their own skin. It's not about one being better than the other, just different flavors of awesome! Keep being fabulous, and the right people will notice you for who you truly are. 😉💫

[ohsheeT]

Well you gave yourself the answer right there we are energy and positive energy attracts positive energy negative energy attracts negative energy

It is not opposites attract that is fake

So you love yourself you're happy you sing your joyful you can smile you're smart you're intelligent you got the world by the balls your hair flows your eyes glitter you are glowing

Your energy is out of this world and men feel that in a positive man is going to go after that it is a magnet and it pulls you in like high speed.

If you just feel okay and you're kind of blah some days you do your hair some days you don't and you got a little bit of negativity in your world and something's not going right and but you're still a little bit happy and you'll make it through

Well you still have a high magnet and that's going to attract that type of man




Or there is nothing right you don't feel like you have a life you're angry you're miserable that dog won't be quiet you just burnt breakfast there is no coffee there is no hot water and you're miserable well that magnet still works too and it's going to attract that type of man

[ohsheeT]

But there is nothing further from the truth that opposites attract
But if one's a positive and when is the negative well the positive is going to try to save the negative that's what the attraction is this girl is beautiful blah blah blah and she lives like this or she just this is wrong and this is wrong I can fix that that's what attracts

[Summeroflove]

It depends but remember quality of attention over quantity someone can get lots of attention from the opposite sex but it doesn’t mean they are always the people you want pestering you.

Some people attract creeps, weirdos, turds, abusers, and the list goes on. I think you should focus on finding someone who you genuinely build a connection with rather then seeking validation from men in general.

[MrOracle]

It's because she's not high-maintenance. What you see as "dresses badly and has a scruffy hairstyle", men see as "grounded, down-to-earth, and practical" which is also seen as accessible. A high-maintenance woman doesn't seem to be accessible to most men, so most men won't waste their time, assuming that woman is going to be demanding and only interested in the very top men (even if she's one of the exceptions who isn't).

While a small percentage of men are REALLY image-obsessed and will want a high-maintenance woman because she projects the image he's trying to project, the vast, overwhelming majority of men don't want that - at least, not for anything serious and long-term.

Far more men are attracted to simple, all-natural beauty. It's why a girl wearing shorts, a tank top, and a baseball hat with her pony tail through the hole in back will be seen as far more attractive than a girl in a cocktail dress. It's why when a girl goes to the grocery store in sweats, no makeup, and a messy pony tail, she gets far more SINCERE interest than when she's dressed up.

I'm not suggesting that you have to dress like a bum, but most guys, when looking for a serious relationship would go for a girl with a more basic look than one who is high maintenance. Which is why most guys, when they think of a woman dressed at her most feminine, would never picture a ball gown or a cocktail dress, but rather a simple sun dress and some sandals. Feminine, beautiful, but also simple, unassuming, and nothing that would break the bank.

I saw a survey recently where over 5000 single men were surveyed, and more than 60% voted "sun dress" as being more desirable than a cocktail dress or a bikini when looking for a relationship partner.

[MoonFace2]

Thank you. That’s very helpful. Could you give me more advice on what I might do better, so as not to be seen as high maintenance?

[MoonFace2]

Unfortunately, I also look kittenish and big breasted (sometimes have people assuming I’m a bimbo).

[MrOracle]

Sure. Authenticity is important, so if you aren't a tomboy, or you aren't a cowgirl, don't pretend to be. Instead, just be a more casual, laid back, easy-going version of yourself. Instead of thinking "I want to look HOT when I'm around the guys", think "I want to be the girl that guys are comfortable hanging around with." Dress more casually, be as all-natural as possible (the fewer tattoos, piercings, blue hair, vegan clothes, claws, and high-fashion makeup, the better), and be a FUN girl. What that means is if the guys are joking around or say something crude - but it's clearly meant as a joke, either laugh along or, if they really crossed the line, say something like "I know you're having fun, and probably didn't mean that, but you could really hurt someone's feelings, and I know you can do better." Don't go all "Karen from HR" unless it's a serious issue.

Most "southern belles" get this attitude just right - they can even deliver a scathing remark without ever losing the smile on their face - but usually they're just smiling, laughing, and handing out ice teas or beers before settling in to hang with the guys.

Definitely be feminine, but also be comfortable. Make the men around you comfortable. If you seem high maintenance or that you'll be easily offended or demanding, they'll expect you to suck all of the fun out of the room with your presence. Instead, bring the fun. Smile. Laugh. Invite the guys into the conversation. SWEETLY ask them for help when you need it. Expect them to treat you like a lady, and you treat them like men you respect and appreciate.

It's really not difficult - in fact, you'll probably have to make less effort than you're making now - but I can almost guarantee you that you'll get a far better response from the guys.

[MoonFace2]

Thank you. This is great advice and I’ll try it.

[Anonymous]

You probably won't believe this but she's putting in work and you're not comparatively.

A lot of women think just being an attractive woman attracts men. But what separates the very successful from the rest of women is they go on the offensive. I don't mean the go up and ask men out (though that is an avenue as well). They are always working to forge a connection with men. These women understand men have ego's and self esteem as well. The REALITY is men ask out women that give them the impression that they actually like that guy.

[MoonFace2]

Interesting. How does one achieve this?

[Opinion Owner]

That's the 64,000 dollar question. If it were that simple I could bottle it and sell it and make millions.😆

All you can do is be genuinely a good person. And put yourself in the best light and hope he'll take notice.
I mean, you can do things in your favor. Take interest in what interests him. Get inquisitive, ask questions (people, men or women's favorite subject is themselves) this is Dale Carnegie 101.
But here's the crux. You have to have a genuine interest. If the person realizes you're in effect manipulating them you're going to do the opposite of what you're trying to achieve.
Bottom line. This probably just comes EASIER to your friend. Some people are just naturally extroverted. But you can get better at this through practice.

[MoonFace2]

I’m genuinely a good person. I’m down to earth, kind, friendly. Intelligent. I’m interested in other people and I have lots of friends, both male and female; but I lack a certain sex appeal and spunk that my friend has. Maybe I come off as being a bit bland?

[MoonFace2]

I don’t know how to fix that. Or if I should try to. Anyway, thanks for your help 🥰

[Garud]

I think she is naturally able to ease men's reserved emotions.
Her presence is enough to remove the uneasiness men feel while dealing with women they like, means she matures them and opens them in this regard.
Her calm nature calms men down.
Peace of mind is something many men cling on to.
If she can handle men showing unnecessary dominance then that's good.
and she is satisfied with her looks that's why she doesn't bother herself about it.
That's all I can assume right now

[FunkyMonkee]

Probably, since she's not all spiffed up, they don't feel it such a task to approach her. She's more affable, they see that and her scruffiness as an easy entrance. Guys that want all the really pretty girls rarely ever go after them because they figure, A: that she's so pretty, she MUST already have a boyfriend so, he doesn't stand a chance or, 2: she's so hot she'd NEVER stoop to dating a stupe like him and, he DOESN'T want to be ridiculed by her, ESPECIALLY in front of his friends so, in either case, he just won't try!

[Nikki1989]

My girlfriend is like that. I have seen men almost fall over themselves just to talk to her. I have seen men run across the road. I have seen cars suddenly stop just to chat. The funny part is, she has no interest in men at all. It is comical at times.

[Kayleigh2005]

I don't know, I’m open and get excited about things easily, I’ve been called Penny with brown hair a lot!

Paying attention to them is 95% of it I think and being beautiful is totally different from sexy or charming

I’m never on my phone if a guy is talking to me

[SixFootSexy]

If I saw a video of you two interacting in a social setting I could tell you immediately what she has or does, that ends up being catnip for the guys around.

Sometimes tomboys are more fun and approachable than the girl who is all put together and seemingly high maintenance.

[Unit1]

Hard to tell. You seem alright to me from how you put it in the description about yourself and your bestie. Inclined to say it's been bad luck so far for you.

[Anonymous]

It's like why are most men attracted to Sydney Sweeny

[MrPiercedD]

You mentioned that she "dresses badly". It's your opinion. Probably you didn't wanted to say "dresses slutty".
Guys find her interesting and find you boring.
Stop wearing a bra, wear tight tops and potentially pierce your nipples... I'm sure that attention of the guys will shift immediately towards you. Oh, and if you are few extra lbs than loose some weight...

I'm sorry to write like that.

[exitseven]

I hardly ever went to bars but sometimes I used to watch guys trying to hit on some hot girl and she would be having fun shooting them all down.

It was definitely looks that attracted them.

[MisfitsLover92]

That's a mystery to me too and not just cute and pretty girls. Unattractive women even have this charm sometimes, that men find irresistible. I think it's confidence and the wanting to live life to the fullest.

[Anonymous]

I can't say based on what you've said here. I'm sure if I met her the answer would be obvious. I will say that in general most women today don't understand what men want in a woman. They think they do, but they don't.

[Jazquee]

A perfect answer. Which also goes both ways. I think people over think this stuff in general. Just be you and if it clicks it clicks.

[Opinion Owner]

@Jazquee Agreed!

[ProbablyClueless]

It's because she's outgoing. She gives off an easy-going energy. Men LOVE when women are pleasant and easy to be around.

[KittygosMeoWW]

Growing up my sister would get a lot of attention from guys and I was a bit of an ugly duckling. I was really tomboyish and once I looked better I started attracting more men.

[kiktimbu]

Guys might think she is one of "them". Your positioning maybe different - maybe they have secret fantasies about you? Or may view you as girlfriend/wife material?

[Jj1994]

I’m not sure I attacked attention in T-shirts and leggings with my hair pulled up all the time and think to myself what the hell is wrong with y'all? But I always just keep it moving

[MrOracle]

It's because men felt COMFORTABLE around you when you weren't dressed up and looking high maintenance. You seemed more accessible and grounded, and so men felt more comfortable approaching you, and felt that your values were more in line with theirs compared to most women.

[Slim57]

We're attracted to women who aren't full of themselves for one, plus you definitely sound jealous

[MoonFace2]

I’m not full of myself. But I am outgoing and very pretty, so I could come across that way. I’m not jealous of her. I sometimes have doubts about myself. So I was looking for self improvement tips.

[es20490446e]

People are reserved by default, except if you ease them.

I ease people just by making easy funny comments about anything.

[Staximus]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say it's probably because they think your friend is more likely to jump their bones

[Likes2drive]

She’s loyal and fun and doesn’t seem like high maintenance to them

[KrakenAttackin]

Because she has a quality of approachability, kindness, and perhaps faithfulness.

[genericname85]

they're just hot but don't worry that will just naturally go away with age.

[Anonymous]

Some women are naturally beautiful. Tall , slim , beautiful skin texture , face features. Wide hips

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Physical beauty combined with intelligence will do it everytime.

[Chthou95]

There is no some. a lot of women can attract multiple men at once. Usually its just to get laid though

[Crazzyyworld]

Dumb ass fuck like other dumb ass fuck and con artist likes other con artists. Women are con artist

[Shoichiro]

English please.

[Jazquee]

What?

[slatyb]

See Cole Porter's song "You've Got That Thing"

[WowGIrl4ever]

Charm and energy

[lorenzomichael]

It dam sure isn’t the Kardashians.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Hair, eyes, buns, legs, BOOBS !!!

[Aurav22]

My super model 😘