How to forgive myself?

Once upon a time I found this charming guy and I loved him with all my heart, the only thing he wanted from me was sexting and nothing more but I wanted love, I gave him what he wanted and he gave me sadness and misery, now I am so sad all the time, I wish I had never met him, I say to him thank you for all the sadness and crying nights, the only thing that makes me live with myself is that I truly loved you.

How to forgive myself?
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