How can I forgive myself for this?

[Paulalove98]

I’m in a relationship with my lovely fiance. We’ve been together since the end of May this year 2023 and he’s the most incredible, funniest, caring, handsome, kindest, and loving guy I’ve ever met. I care so deeply about him and he’s already given me so much even though we’re barely going on 6 months together. Anyways before I met him which was four weeks prior to us meeting and getting together, I had a hookup with a guy I used to go to grade school with at his house and we had sex multiple times ( we were both the same age at the time 24) I just turned 25 but I feel so ridiculous about it because this guy had just used me in my opinion and I was high and it was all a huge mess. I feel slutty for that poor action and my fiance knows all about my past as I know his but I haven’t been able to forgive myself even though my fiance has. I wanna marry him and have a family. My past is always my hugest battle though and I trusted the wrong people.

[Anonymous]

Before i met my now boyfriend (who is also the love of my life), i had made the same mistake as you. I let a guy use me and coincidentally he also got me high the first few times it happened. I kept lying to myself at that time that i didn't care. My boyfriend also knows my past. He accepts me and still cares for me because he still sees my worth despite my mistakes. Im sure your fiance feels the same way about you and that is why he stays.


All i can say is, you just have to remind yourself that your sexual past doesn't define your worth. You are more than your mistakes. What matters is you learned from it and you’re better now. Try to gain comfort in the fact that you will never ever make that mistake again. Everyone has their regrets, all we can do is grow from it. So as long as you’re doing that, you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself.



Trust me on some days i still get reminded of all the things i did that i regret. Its a waste of time to dwell on it. It makes me feel better that i know better now. Thats the thing, i didn't know better before. I wish i did, im sure you did too, so do other people, but we have to go through it to learn it.

[Paulalove98]

Thank you so much for the kind words and encouragement. I truly appreciate it a lot. I just feel on my behalf it was a gullible decision of mine because I had forgiven this guy I went to school with since when we were kids he bullied me back in elementary and of course we’re all in our 20s now and we were kids and I thought he changed sure he may have matured some but in other ways I was foolishly mistaken. He told me everything I wanted to hear so I’d sleep with him and I thought it’d be fun to get high and see where things went at the time. It just so happens the sex was all that it was to him, I got so emotional and heartbroken since I had a crush on him when we were kids and it was crazy to reconnect but he told this amazing guy is out there for me and it sure indeed was true with my now fiance. He has forgiven me and he says it doesn’t change how he feels, I just feel like I should’ve been the bigger person. I hooked up with that guy out of loneliness mostly, curiosity, and fun but I’d never ever cheat on my fiance he’s 1000x better and he has brought me so much care and love since day 1.

[mandyfire98]

Were you interested in having sex with him at that time? Was it consensual? I guess I'm confused about the whole interaction with the guy you hooked up with.

[Paulalove98]

Yes i was interested at the time and so was he. It was also consensual sex. My whole point is I feel like I hurt my fiance even tho we weren’t together yet because of the timeline.

[mandyfire98]

How did it hurt your fiance if you weren't even together yet?

What you did you did when you were single. Also it's natural. People are sexual. Even when not in a relationship people still want sex and have sex. It was just a hookup between 2 people that were consenting adults that were attracted to each other and were horny. It happens. People don't just stop wanting sex when they're single. You did nothing wrong at all. It was normal.

[ZackBan]

So you had a fling when you where single with another single guy. There is absolutely NOTHING to forgive.

Stop blaming yourself for seeking a little carnal pleasure, you didn't betray anyone.

I'm more concerned about how fast you're moving considering the conflict in your heart.
You know the guy for 6 months and you're already deciding on marriage, that's not to be taken lightly.
If you feel guilty how can you know your choice isn't influenced by that guilt.
Be careful with life changing choices, these are ones you have to live with

[JacobJordan]

You don't. You made some very poor choices and count yourself lucky that you found someone to spend your life with. Appreciate that and cherish it. You will never truly be able to get rid of those feelings the best you can do is accept you made poor choices and recognize that you will not make them again.

[Anonymous]

I love it when women go out and hook up and fuck other dudes, exes whatever they are.. and then use the line “… he used me…” more women need to take accountability for those actions. No, you made the choice to fuck and use him as much as he fucked and used you. There is no pity for women that say such bullshit.


You forgiving yourself for something that happened before you mit this guy is a non issue. I’m sorry, but that’s something you need to reconcile on your own. No one can do that for you or give you advice on how too.

[WhiteBoyChill]

My man! 🔥🔥 @KrakenAttackin

[TheGuyYouCrave]

Do things for him. Ask him how you can please him. Why? A women can forgive herself by not cheating, and think will help grow your bond together. But, it might not be a good idea, as your ego might be inflated where the relation will die because of how he thinking doing more for you will better the relationship. That is a lie. But rambling.

[BLP11520]

Sweetheart, You have your man you made a mistake which means you are human. Love him and don't dwell on that. Very few people get the love life thing right. Many people are lonely or trapped in a poor relationship. Be thankful for today and your bright tomorrows.

[tfan1]

You need to go to your preacher or pastor or if absolutely necessary - a therapist or psychiatrist

[Paulalove98]

So you’re saying I need help because of my past?

[tfan1]

@paulalove98 I would say yes. You already said that your fiancé has forgiven you. But it seems the only one who can’t forgive you…. is you.

[Still-alive]

Whatever you did in the past, its in the past. this guy is in love with the you right now. so you should roll with that instead of dwelling on what you did... which in my opinion isn't even that bad anyways. i personally wouldn't care much. what matters is right now. so please don't beat yourself up or ironically your insecurities can drive him away.

[Uby10000]

If he forgave you i think you should be fine. Leave the past to the past

[ChicoFromThe305]

Does he know and has he forgiven you? If so then you have to forgive yourself and move on, and learn from the experience

[bowenw]

You did this before you met your fiancé, so there is nothing to forgive yourself for. You didn't cheat on anyone.

[DextroShade]

So long as it was just one guy and you no longer have any contact with him it shouldn't be a problem.

[Tim2nice]

Girl, pull yourself together. You have nothing to apologise or be ashamed of. You had a fling when you were single and that’s very normal.

[SlayingBoooty69]

I think we need to move beyond the past, and look to the present.

Seems you are happy now, dont let the past drag you down.

[WhiteBoyChill]

So what were you high on?