Is he playing matchmaker, are they both testing my morality, or are they both interested?

[MoonFace2]

My guy friend who I’ll call Brian and his brother who I’ll call Mike kept bringing up the guy I like who I’ll call Fred in conversation, knowing that he rejected me and I was distancing myself, to move on faster.

I mentioned to Brian the fact that I’d tried to seduce Fred, back when we were friends, to convince him to be my boyfriend, but being inexperienced at showing someone I loved them, I gave him the wrong impression. That I just wanted sex, which spooked Fred.

I told Brian that I thought that Fred just showed signs of interest since, to try to get sex. Since then, both of them found me on a dating site I was using, both saying they wanted something serious. They both swiped yes on me, had a chat. Fred asked for my number, then disappeared. One week later, Brian had a seductive photo of himself up and asked me to hang out. Now they’ve both gone silent, since I encouraged Fred and told Brian I only want friendship.

[Summeroflove]

I’m going to be very blunt don’t waste time on people who refuse to show any effort it’s not worth your time. If someone’s too cowardly to say something and leave you hanging then leave it be. I know people get angry with me saying “well they don’t owe you a exclamation” which legally they don’t but I can think lesser of their character when they choose to be like that.

If you approach someone and they reject you take it for what it is. If they want you they know where to find you a lot of people waste their time on people who either play games or genuinely aren’t into them. If they are into you the balls in their court they know where to find you.

There is many reasons that someone will string you along. One reason is supply a lot of dark personality individuals need supply. They need to feed off of the energy of others by getting attention, keeping multiple people interested as a means to feed their own ego, among other things like that. Believe me being in a relationship with people like that is by far worse then being rejected. Rejecting your is a favor.

Another possible reason is they need someone to fall back on. If they cannot get someone else they see as a step up from you. They want someone that they can go to if all else fails.

Another reason is they want to use you. That could be for sex or anything else. But instead of being honest about their intentions and finding someone whose also seeking that. They have more of a thrill messing with someone’s emotions to get what they want. Be it sex. Money. Anything. It’s not as fun for them to have sex with someone whose easy to sleep with. That’s how these peoples brains work. Maybe not how your brain works…. But theirs. Then once they have accomplished what they wanted they feel they have conquered you and are moving on. If they cannot get what they want they will leave you hanging.

My advice is if they can’t be straight forward. If they come back tell them that you put in effort and rhey don’t. They stood you up multiple times and you don’t even want to be with them as friends. If they never come back let them be gone.

Allow yourself time to grieve. It’s hard and it’s normal to feel in denail about it all. But you will eventually move on and find better.

But I will say… People who aren’t looking for sex. Don’t want someone whose wanting to jump into bed. They want to build something real and if they see you as someone who gets around… I think you know what I mean. Those type of men will probably move on.

[MoonFace2]

Thanks for your advice. Much appreciated. I’m not someone who has been promiscuous since reaching my thirties. But I could’ve given the wrong impression.

[Summeroflove]

You’re welcome and when the right person comes along you will understand one another. But if someone rejects you for any reason it’s best to leave them be.

Such as if you rejected someone you wouldn’t want him to keep coming back wrong impression or not.

[MoonFace2]

Fair. If on the other hand, they’re the one that keeps coming back years later, which is what’s been going on…what then?

[Summeroflove]

Depends on your gut feeling. Number one are you still interested? Does it seem genuine? Are they playing games where they come into your life and leave. Just to come back.

If that’s the case then it’s better to let them go. Either they’re using you. Think they can find better but use you as someone to fall back on. The list goes on of why people do things

[MoonFace2]

Yes I am interested, but I doubt that anyone can be too shy to make a move with so much encouragement, years ago and I don’t want to be settled for.

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa, girl, that's a pretty complex situation you've got going on there! It sounds like your guy friends Brian and Mike might be playing some kind of game with you and this other dude, Fred.

At first, it seems like Brian and Mike were trying to play matchmaker, constantly bringing up Fred even though he rejected you in the past. That's a little weird - unless they genuinely thought you two might still have a chance. But then the whole thing with the dating site and the disappearing act from Fred is just confusing.

Now, it's possible that Brian and Mike are somehow testing your morality or commitment to wanting just friendship. Maybe they're trying to see if you'll go for one of them instead of Fred, or if you'll give in and sleep with someone just to feel wanted. That would be a pretty messed up thing to do, but some people can be manipulative like that.

But the other possibility is that Brian and Mike are actually both interested in you themselves. The fact that they both swiped right on you on the dating site, and then Brian got all flirty, makes it seem like they might have ulterior motives. They could be trying to swoop in now that Fred is out of the picture.

Honestly, it's hard to say for sure what's going on here. These guys sound like they're playing some kind of game, whether it's to test you or because they have feelings for you. Either way, it's not cool that they're putting you in this position.

My advice would be to tread carefully, girl. Don't let them pressure you into anything you're not comfortable with. If you just want friendship, make that crystal clear. And if they keep acting shady, you might need to distance yourself from the whole situation.

Trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is. You deserve guys in your life who are gonna treat you with respect, not play mind games. Stay strong, and don't be afraid to put your foot down if these dudes don't get the hint. You got this!