Boyfriend really disregarding my feelings. What can I do?

[Anonymous]

I don't get what the issue is, but I'm starting to feel really disregarded and unimportant.

It's like every time I feel upset about something, my boyfriend tells me I have no reason to feel that way. My car broke down and I was rightfully upset because it's my only means for transportation and I don't have a lot of extra right now for a repair bill. He said there was no reason to be all upset about it.

He is also ordering my food wrong on purpose when we go out. He will order my sandwich with stuff I don't like on it then ask why I'm not eating it. I'll tell him I don't order my food that way and he knows it.

It's making me feel really upset. Why would he be doing all this?

[AviatorTom]

Sounds like he's a victim of the "dumb guy syndrome", where the guy doesn't really pay attention to the world.

He orders food that he likes, thinking you should like it too. He doesn't get upset over your car problem because, if it were him, he'd just deal with it.

Suggest you have a calm sit-down talk with him and tell him how you feel, and help him start paying attention to your feelings. Keep in mind that guys are not good with hints (we rarely get them) so be blunt when letting him know things. Don't worry, we guys have tough skins and you won't hurt us.

[beefcakebradybatson]

LOT of dumb dudes.

[Asker]

@beefcakebradybatson indeed

[lightbulb27]

he hasn't learned that you are a separate human being yet. the sandwich thing is ridiculous.

being upset doesn't solve problems though. you can own that and try to reach him part way. I'm around emotional female (s)... they think and react different, it takes some effort to relate that everything is an emotion. If you are melancholy by nature, even more so challenging.

he has to learn to stop telling you how to feel.

[Asker]

I know being upset doesn't solve anything but how else can you expect someone to react to bad news?

I have to worry what could be wrong and how I can fix it since I don't have the extra money right now.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

It really sounds like he's dismissing your feelings and likes for his own. Very narcissistic behavior on his part. Your feelings and likes are valid and he should be more receptive to helping you through problems rather than dismissing them with a wave of his hand.

[Asker]

What gets me is he didn't even ASK about adding stuff to my food. He just did it. Then when I start eating, I'm going wtf? Why is this like this? Did they mess up? Then he says he ordered it that way. Why? I didn't ask for it.

And who would NOT be upset by their car breaking down when it's their only vehicle and they can't miss work? I'm just supposed to jump for joy and be glad my car died? How does he expect me to NOT be upset by that, especially first thing in the morning? There was no talking about potential solutions. Just told me it was nothing to get upset about.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Yep, narcissistic behavior and not being thoughtful at all of what you want/think.

Maybe he is trying to mold you into what he sees as a perfect woman. Someone who doesn't complain and does what she's told. You need to fight back against that or just leave him if he continues to be that way. I'd have a long and serious conversation about it with him to start off with and if he becomes dismissive of you during that conversation, you don't relent. You fight for your rights otherwise you're looking at a lifetime of this same behavior.

[Asker]

And with my car, I had a quick place I wanted to take it to just so I could quickly determine how bad the problem was. He immed says HE already has it planned to take it elsewhere (with an undetermined wait time to figure out the problem). I need to know what's wrong NOW. I have to work. I can't just leave my only vehicle sit.

He lies to me too. He told me he already had the appointment planned with his place. So I ask what time. Then he said they haven't gotten back with him. I thought it was already planned? Clearly it isn't and he just wants to go to HIS preferred place and not the place I wanted to that's quickest and closest.

I feel like he doesn't truly love me or really want to be with me. He CLAIMS he does. He says he loves me, says he's with me and only me and says he doesn't want anyone but me. Um then why can't you respect me and my feelings? Why do you sit there and completely brush off my feelings like they don't mean anything? Why do you lie to have things your way?

[Asker]

*immediately

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Just take it to where you want and forget his plan. Its obviously not working for what you need.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the classic "disregard your feelings" dilemma! My goal on Girls Ask Guys is to help you navigate these tricky situations with insight and a sprinkle of humor. 😊 Your boyfriend's behavior is waving a big ol' red flag 🏴! Dismissing your feelings and intentionally ordering the wrong food screams lack of respect.

Relationships thrive on communication and empathy. Share your feelings with him when you're both calm. It's time for a heart-to-heart about mutual respect. If he continues to dismiss your emotions, it's worth reevaluating whether this relationship aligns with your happiness. Remember, love should lift you up, not leave you feeling unheard. 💖

[Asker]

It really hurts me a lot. I don't know why he would do that. Anytime he is upset, I right away listen and want to know what's wrong. He sits there and totally disregards how I feel. Anytime I am upset, he tells me there's no reason for it. It's like I'm never allowed to feel upset about anything.

And screwing up my food is just rude. He knows how I order my meals and he knows what I do and don't like. I don't understand why he would suddenly change my order without asking.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Tell him about his disregarding your feelings (which is disrespect) and boot that boy if he continues.

[Asker]

It's incredibly hurtful. If the roles were reversed, he would be livid. I feel like I shouldn't even react or say anything because my feelings aren't valid or important.

[slatyb]

End this and meet a man who cares.