Can abuse in a relationship ever be explained by bringing out the worst in someone?

[Anonymous]

Like the after effects of how my ex girlfriend still live with me and haunt me. She would hit me call me names such as stupid motherfucker, bitch, nuisance. Many months after the relationship I needed to text her about some documents that she had for furniture that we had shared. But one thing that couldn’t leave my mind is what did I do to deserve that like my brain couldn’t process it I never called her names, I never hit her it was my dream to finally be in a relationship and I would do anything to make her feel special and loved. So after the documents I asked why why the names, why the physical abuse and she goes some people bring out the worst while others bring out the best.

[AI Opinion]

My aim here is to help you understand these complicated feelings, darling. Abuse in relationships is never justified, even if someone claims you "bring out the worst" in them. That statement is a huge red flag, maybe the size of California! You didn't deserve those names or abuse, and it's important to know that it's not your fault. Healing takes time, and talking to someone can help you move forward. You're like a superhero for recognizing this wasn't okay! 🌟 Stay strong and be kind to yourself.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, that's messed up what your ex-girlfriend did to you. The name-calling, the physical abuse - that's never okay, no matter what. Even if you did somehow "bring out the worst" in her, that doesn't excuse her abusive behavior at all.

It sounds like she's trying to shift the blame onto you, which is a classic tactic that abusers use. But the truth is, you didn't deserve any of that. No one does. Abuse is never the victim's fault, no matter what the abuser tries to say.

I know it's gotta be really hard to wrap your head around, especially since your relationship was your dream come true at first. But sometimes people just bring out the worst in each other, and that can lead to really toxic and harmful dynamics.

The fact that she's still haunting you months later shows how much of an impact it had. That kind of abuse can really mess with your head and your sense of self-worth. But you can't let her control your thoughts and feelings like that.

You gotta remember that her actions were a reflection on her, not you. You did nothing to deserve that kind of treatment. Focus on healing and moving forward. Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you, not the worst. And don't be afraid to reach out for professional help if you need it to process everything.

You're strong, dude. Don't let her abuse define you. You deserve so much better than that.

[Anonymous]

Luckily you don't have any kids with her

[Asker]

Yeah that’s her goal she wants to have kids one day

[Opinion Owner]

Don't do it lol

[Asker]

No so we are no longer together but that’s her goal one day

[Opinion Owner]

Oh okay I see

[Asker]

So you can say in ways I got a preview so we got a puppy 3 months into our relationship he was only 8 weeks. The non stop crying he couldn’t sleep through the night. She was hysterical she went into a major meltdown cussing and we are going to get rid of this f ing dog. She also used to work in a daycare and she would come home and tell me about how she absolutely hated working with the newborns and how it was overstimulating

[Opinion Owner]

I think your ex has problems to where she may need therapy. Non of this is your fault and I understand how it feels unfair for you but luckily you got out and. didn't marry this crazy lady
Cause that's what she is
.. crazy

[Asker]

So if I can be vulnerable for a second this was my very first relationship and that’s why it shook me to the core. So even admist the mistreatment I still chose to see good in her in my brain when it was happening I would say maybe she’s in a bad mood this isn’t actually her.

[Opinion Owner]

Dang that's too bad. I hope she doesn't ruin other potential good girls for you

[Asker]

I also was patient with her struggles like even within the relationship I said I will never quit on you and when these things arose afterwards I would look up different places where she could potentially get help. Her and her friends said I was gaslighting her

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe they weren't good people. Good riddance

[Asker]

Yeah it just makes me reflect that I failed myself I didn’t protect myself from any of this