He says he needs hot and erotism but I am only cute, should I stay?

[Anonymous]

So basically my very long term boyfriend says I'm attractive and cute but I'm not hot or sexy and that's what's lacking our whole relationship. The thing that gets me is that we've had 4 children together and our sex although pretty vanilla was nice but every time I brought up stuff to try he would avoid conversation. He's currently working through some stuff at the moment but this has come out, I have decided to stay and continue my role as a SAHM and support him keeping the relationship as friends for now, but is it even worth it? Should I just presume the relationship is over?

[SueShe]

A person that is solely judging a partner according to her/his looks is not worth keeping as a partner because, in your case, he is a superficial person that only sees the physical part of you and does not see your real assets.

Being "hot" is something so trivial in a relationship because that heat does not last past a few months or years. Other personal assets such as character, personality and intellect should always predominate in a relationship because those 3 assets stay a lifelong while the heat fades with time.

If your heat is the only thing that keeps him together with you, then you are better off separating from him and take your kids with you. He is not worth staying with.

[Asker]

Ah yes I should've added this! He says everything else is perfect! He loves my personality, character and intelligence. But he needs eroticism in the bedroom which he said we had right when we first met then it faded really quickly.

[SueShe]

You know what is going to happen next, right?

The lack of eroticism and heat will lead him to first be unfaithful to you by watching porn. That is emotional cheating. The next step is that he will find another person that has this heat and eroticism that you lack. That is sadly a fact.

[Asker]

Yup this is my fear for the future.

[Daniela1982]

I'm surprised you didn't dump him long ago. You will never be much to him. But I'm sure you already know what to do, you just need a big shove.

[Asker]

🤣🤣 thank you. Yeah but everything else is just nice, and it's like so I throw all that away for one aspect?

[Asker]

"dump long ago" this has only just come out to be fair and I honestly just thought he was just vanilla style 🙄 I mean yeah in hindsight I guess it's obvious but you don't know at the time

[molonski2]

4 Children? The prick is leaving it a little late to say you are not a sexy slut.. Isn't he?

If that's true the guy is a moron.

[Asker]

🤣 thanks

[molonski2]

Good luck hun.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the spicy dynamics of love and relationships! It sounds like your guy might be riding that emotional rollercoaster, juggling his desires and his current reality. You've birthed FOUR amazing kiddos together – that's like superhero-level bonding! 🦸‍♀️ If he's seeking 'hot' and 'erotic' vibes while calling you cute, perhaps a frank chat is on the agenda. Discovering what truly ignites your mutual spark is crucial. But remember, your happiness is paramount! If this doesn’t set your heart on fire, it could be time to explore new horizons or rekindle your flame elsewhere. Keep loving yourself first! ❤️

[Asker]

Thank you 🙏🏼
Yes he's currently going some real deep healing at the moment- a lot of suppressed stuff from past. So it could be all of this tied into it. He's slowly opening up which is nice to see.
Yes to loving myself! Thanks

[Cheerfull009]

Continue for your children

[Asker]

But isn't that what you don't do though?
As you'll show them what they should tolerate in the relationship