Is it bad when you’re married but really attracted to someone else?

Question

I’ve been married for 12 years, love my husband, but I wouldn’t say ‘in love’ anymore. He’s a great husband and father, but we are more like best friends.

Recently I have felt an intense attraction to another man, who I think feels mutual. I’ve never felt like this for another man in my entire marriage. Nothing has happened, but does this mean the end of my marriage?

I mean if I feel like this for another man then does that mean there must be something wrong, or is it normal to have this kind of attraction for someone else? Where is the line emotionally?

Miristheiss · Accepted Answer

You are an example of why marriage sucks today. Entitled, selfish fools who keep getting married but have no honor, loyalty, commitment to actually keep their vows.

It's all about the feels. Oh, poor thing is bored after 12 years and she doesn't have that high, butterfly feeling from when the relationship was new. Oh well, the little princess can't go without having tingles forever so it's divorce time or affair time.

What the fuck did you marry for if your "for life" bullshit was really just "until I get bored or someone else catches my eye".

A committed person recognizes someone else is catching their eye and they deliberately stays AWAY FROM THAT PERSON. You don't go out of your way to see them and talk to them and meet them for coffee and adulteress bullshit like that.

A wise person takes accountability and communicates. If your hubby is out of shape or you don't go on dates as much and do new things together... just COMMUNICATE.

Your are married, you have no business hanging out with some guy you have feelings for or going out and hanging out with him alone. You should starve your base urges and honor your vows and avoid this guy and cut off ever seeing him. You should communicate with your husband and WORK on keeping the spark going by serving each other and doing loving things for each other, staying attractive, fit and in shape for each other, always dating and doing new things together and communicating (lovingly) what your needs and wants are.

D_Bone_Steak · Accepted Answer

Much longer than 12 years here and being attracted to people is normal. Nothing is wrong unless you make something wrong with the marriage by getting too greedy and not checking your level of horny.

Some people just seem to be sexy as fuck and it's fun to jerk off to, but in reality... you'll probably start to see all the flaws you weren't seeing in that person if you just let the feeling pass.

What you're probably feeling is a biologically better specimen, but once you get to know that person... fuck... they're all fucked up. You're just feeling lust and that's from a biological level.

I'll put it this way...16-year-old High School girls give me a boner, should I fuck up a marriage where my same-aged kid has a stable home just for a romp with jailbait? You tell me if that would be smart.

You think about it yet? Not very smart is it? Let the feeling pass and pay attention to all the shit lust was blinding you to. It's part of the wisdom of growing older, so learn from it the easy or the hard way.

Vesuvius87 · Accepted Answer

It's not bad to see other people (celebrities for instance) attractive but if you're investing emotional time with another man and get lost in your fantasy to the point you're even asking if this means the end of your marriage instead of working on your marriage (on your vows you took) then yes it can be very destructive.

I hope you didn't think that getting married was only about the wedding, feelings and being in the infatuation (butterflies in your stomach) stage forever. You didn't marry him just for attraction did you? It's more than just attraction to commit to someone for life. It's about working on issues together, forming a family, being there for them during rough times, being a team, not even thinking about old crushes, have each other's support, being responsible for the household bills, etc.

PeachyPie93 · Accepted Answer

Always know this feeling won't last just like with your husband the lovely feelings didn't last. I wouldn't recommend breaking up your family for a little fun.. I suggest being open with your husband to talk about things and tell him you feel dead in the marriage and maybe try marriage counselling. Realize what you are throwing away if you actually consider this bullshit adventure with this guy, and you won't be able to get that life back. And the new guy would probably just pump you a few times then dump you because he knows you are a cheat.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

As a relationship coach, I can say it's all about understanding feelings without rushing into conclusions. Having attraction outside of marriage can be normal; it doesn't automatically mean the end is near or that love's lost. 🚦Think of it as a wake-up call to explore your emotional needs. Infatuation sparks easily, but deep connection is built. Stir up some passion with hubby – communication, new activities, or couples therapy might rekindle that spark. Even best friends can occasionally fall head over heels again! 💑 Feeling tempted? Now's the time to focus inward, assess values, and cultivate what's deeply meaningful. Keep exploring your heart's landscape! 🌟

2

Summeroflove · Answer

Yes if you know it’s wrong then it’s wrong. If you love your husband you would NEVER even think abojr acting on it much less act on it.

Unless you want a nasty divorce. I would draw the line at fighting having feelings at all. If you feel bad about it then it means you still have a conscience you should pray about it as well as talk to your husband about it. That’s the best way to go ahojt it before you fall into temptation and do something you can’t go back from.

If you want me to sit here and make you feel better about it or even encourage you to go through with it. I’m not

Finchie40 · Answer

It’s bad because you are investing your time into someone else , instead of investing your time into your marriage , you allowed yourself to be vulnerable to another man , which sadly makes you a selfish person that only thinks about yourself. Even though you didn’t physically cheat on your husband , you are cheating on him emotionally with another
Guy. So ask yourself how would you feel if your husband was doing that to you behind your back? It would be one thing if your husband treated you like shit and didn’t enjoy spending time with you , but the fact that you said your husband is your best friend is your answer to kick the other guy to the curb before you make a dumb decision. It’s ok to be attracted to someone else , but acting on it is wrong , you basically already cheated on your husband by allowing yourself to be vulnerable to this other guy.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

You did not mention one word about what you may have done to try to create more of a spark in your marriage. Have you already emotionally abandoned your commitment to your husband?

Apple1996 · Answer

Just sounds like a crush it's not a big deal

KennethNoisewater · Answer

You have zero control over what you’re attracted to. You don’t get to pick that. We would all be fools if we were to say that people only find one thing attractive at a time. But we are programmed to think that way. It’s absurd. There are millions, tens of millions of attractive people in the world. You shouldn’t feel bad that your eyes or brain think that someone is good looking.
The issue would be your self control. If you don’t have enough self control then it’s a bad idea to be around this person. If there is a chance things could get out of hand then there is a big issue. If that’s the case, why are you married. You said that you have a great husband who treats you good and is a good father. But now you’re thinking the grass could be greener. Just so you know, it’s usually not. It’s a great way to fuck up a great thing you already have going. You should be extremely grateful that your husband is like your best friend. Most people would give a lot of money for their spouse to be their best friend.

KennethNoisewater · Answer

You have zero control over what you’re attracted to. You don’t get to pick that. We would all be fools if we were to say that people only find one thing attractive at a time. But we are programmed to think that way. It’s absurd. There are millions, tens of millions of attractive people in the world. You shouldn’t feel bad that your eyes or brain think that someone is good looking.
The issue would be your self control. If you don’t have enough self control then it’s a bad idea to be around this person. If there is a chance things could get out of hand then there is a big issue. If that’s the case, why are you married. You said that you have a great husband who treats you good and is a good father. But now you’re thinking the grass could be greener. Just so you know, it’s usually not. It’s a great way to fuck up a great thing you already have going. You should be extremely grateful that your husband is like your best friend. Most people would give a lot of money for their spouse to be their best friend.

gemb00 · Answer

It’s only the end of your marriage if you want it to be. Just because you’re attracted to someone else might not mean anything in the long run. Probably just a lustful crush. List pros and cons about your husband and marriage and compare it with this new guy. Only you have the answer of what you should do.

avery58 · Answer

If you don't cut ties with this other guy it could be classified as emotional cheating, even if you're not flirting with him. It's not wrong to find yourself attracted to someone else cause we can't control that, but we can control how we handle the situation to not risk making it worse and to fix it, also out of respect for our partner.

Anonymous · Answer

That's a loaded question. Is there something wrong? Yes. Does it mean the end of your marriage? Only if you decide it does. There's nothing wrong with fantasizing. Hell, my wife tells me she fantasizes about Hugh Jackman when we're having sex. I can't even get mad about that. IT'S WOLVERINE! I would to.😆 But I know she'd never cheat on me with HJ... I hope.😆 Point is she loves ME! I've made her happy all these years. What she fantasizes about HJ is not real. It's just a fantasy. And regardless of what you think is going on between you and this guy I'm willing to bet the same. That's primarily just fantasy and if you indulge the reality you're going to regret it. If you think your marriage has gotten stale, work on it. If you need to make and ultimatum to him then i guess do that. Bur I would caution you with that one as well. But again I caution you about this other dude. I think you'll regret it.

HungTexan · Answer

I don’t think it’s the end of your marriage. It’s not uncommon for couples to have periods where there seems to be less love, and more friendship and companionship. Unless you want it to end, and pursue a relationship outside your marriage, things can easily get back to “LOVE” if you both work on it, and start doing the things you did as lovers again.

glennos89 · Answer

If the love died with your current man then it's much more easy to get feelings for someone else.

Ofcourse investing emotionally and/or physically with another man is something you should try to avoid if you want your current relationship to work out longterm.

But if you aren't attracted to him anymore then you should definitely think about breaking up with him and move forwards with this other dude you have feelings for

exitseven · Answer

You took an oath in front of God and all your friends. Sometimes you meet somebody that you are attracted to and want to be with him. Marriage is hard. It takes a lot of work and if it is neglected it will fail. You need to decide whether or not you want a divorce.

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

Attraction can happen with anyone doesn't mean you are in love with someone

What if you get divorced and go with this new guy and then again you are attracted to your ex husband then what will you do?

Do you want to be a basket ball being dribbled around by men.

What if you like again anyone else when will this stop?

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

It's natural to find other people attractive even when married because there several millions of people that look good but once you start to fantasy about being with someone else then that's a big a problem.

12 years is a long time being married and things can get stale.

Just focus on your husband and appreciate the little things he does for you.

The other lust or feeling you have is just a fleeting emotion that will die out with time.

Anonymous · Answer

It means you're not dead and a fully grown adult with womanly thoughts and feelings.
As long as you don't intend to do anything with your crush, you're good. Marriages thrive on boring and repetition ie stability.
Maybe you should apply your uber skills to your husband?

Anonymous · Answer

Ugh. You're a great example of why modern marriage is in the toilet. Half of marriages end in divorce, women file 80% of them, and lack of commitment is the #1 reason for divorce. Think about that.

Why did you say the wedding vows if you didn't mean them?

slatyb · Answer

It happens. You married very young after presumably not really dating anyone else. Do you have children? Maybe it's time to end it. Get counseling if you can. Then you can talk through your feelings and reach a decision.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Extremely bad! I mean, it’s normal to feel that, especially if you guys have been married a long time, but it’s very bad for you to act on it (fantasizing about it in your private time is probably ok in my opinion)

Raphaëlle · Answer

Crushes come and go even when in a serious relationship. Attraction is normal. The question is what you do about it. If you're are still serious with your partner, let it go and move on.

molonski2 · Answer

You need to just act on your feelings and bring a little excitement into your life , we are a long time dead , just make it happen and enjoy the attention , but don't leave the marriage.

Flower7 · Answer

Stay away from the other man. Stop being around him.

Anonymous · Answer

Another woman w a great husband, who’s also a great father but w a wife who’s more concerned about her happiness. This is one of the reasons men don’t want to get married. can't make women happy.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

It's not normal at all, it's a sin and cheating too!
Marriage is eternal! You cannot be married and have feelings towards another man!
It's the start of the end!
Women like you shouldn't be married to a good guy!

Jay-_- · Answer

If you are married and giving more time and thought to another man and vise versa you should be questioning yourself.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Nah, marriage means nothing... just toss it away and take your husband for all he is worth while letting the work buddy rearrange your guts... perfectly normal.

jahaims · Answer

One or both of you gave up on your marriage. Falling out of love doesn't happen over night and it is a choice.

Anonymous · Answer

It sounds like just a crush. It's fun and makes you feel good then go for it! But if it goes any further than just flirting take a serious look at your relationship

Anonymous · Answer

Is it about the other man at all or are you projecting? Unhappiness starts at home.

Kelly6 · Answer

It’s not bad, just how our biological system work

Staximus · Answer

Why are you making time with some other dude when you're married?

Wise4myage · Answer

It’s only bad if you act on it, or it causes problems in your marriage.

ehatsham_hussain · Answer

Sometimes we have to control our emotions for betterment of our family.

zombiewoof · Answer

You can not help who you are attracted to, your marriage is not over, unless you want it to be, what do you want to do about the attraction

moneymagnet24 · Answer

Go girl sleep with him n tell him don't tell anyone it's a secret... I was jn same situation

Tomisworthless · Answer

No thats good, marriage is conditional not a covenant

blackeagle007 · Answer

What would it be if your husband met a woman he’s attracted to?

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

Someone in your age group can’t be married for 12 years. A juvenile is not allowed to marry someone. Sounds like a bullshit story to me

Stravoula96 · Answer

No but if you act on it is.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Gag is such a waste of time. Fake story

Cormac995 · Answer

yes, it's called emotional cheating.

GlowUpGirly5 · Answer

These troll post are so annoying

LiamS95 · Answer

It's not usually a good thing.

Nerdvana · Answer

How does your husband feel towards you?

MasterKS · Answer

till you won't fuck!

Is it bad when you’re married but really attracted to someone else?

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