How do you deal with overly jealous partner?

Question

MillieBee1993 · Accepted Answer

It is why my long term relationship ended. He got into bad habits, started smoking weed regularly, which got him suspended from his union job and disciplined many times. He then began binge eating to deal with the stress, and unfortunately that binge eating, smoking, turned into drinking too. Full bottle of wine to himself just at dinner as we ate (maybe 30min) it would be gone!

He became incredibly jealous of me. Jealous of my work promotions, jealous of other men looking at me whilst we were out, etc. Though it was nothing of MY doing, his jealousy became increasingly negative on the relationship, to the point he blamed me for his own weight gain, his job suspensions, etc.

I do not tolerate toxicity. I tried multiple times to sit down with him, have an adult convo, address his mental health, even recommending therapy to break him out of the bad habits he dug himself into, but he did not want to accept any help, change anything, and instead expected ME to compromise my boundaries to benefit him (meaning he didn't want to do date night anymore, bec he didn't fit into his dress pants /blouse, and he would become terribly angry at other men looking at me dressed nicely, or HE wanted to dictate what outfits and makeup i could / couldn't wear, so I wouldn't look better than him, etc)

Thankfully that relationship was one that ended when it needed to. He has a LOT of self healing, self help and self responsibility to accept. Instead of working on things, he tried to place blame on the relationship and me, for all his failings.
You can only talk with someone so much, before there is no point made. I gave up, and let him lick his own wounds he caused himself. He wanted a breakup, and tried to come back - I did NOT accept. Even after being together for 6 years.

alice55 · Accepted Answer

Well except if he's actually got psychiatry Mental health issue if he get jealous it's because you give him reason to be. May be the ways you dress, having men as friend, talking to them, having suspicious behavior, etc... Usually a person don't get jealous without reason except if he actually got mental health issue. Maybe try to look at your behavior and see what you could be doing that make him so jealous.

personally I love jealous men but as I have no friend, talk to nobody and dress modest even the most jealous man don't get jealous with me...

hahahmm · Accepted Answer

It's only a problem because you aren't actually sure you want to be with them so you need to keep the door open to others. If you were actually in a relationship where you were 100% into them it wouldn't be an issue cause you would never do anything to trigger that in them. And no I'm not saying a person can't be "too jealous" but it's in the context of them being in a relationship where the other person isn't fully committed.

Of course it's also harder to find commitment in world where many claim they should be able to have opposite sex friends even when married. A lot just don't get how to make marriage work. Reminds me of a post I saw on another platform recently where a woman was whining about her fiance and shared his private text message with her & accused him of hurting her feelings. See, a marriage will NEVER work if one person is sharing private conversations and fishing for reasons to attack/call their spouse wrong/bad. There's always someone out there who is happy to help them break up the marriage.

Why do I keep mentioning marriage? Cause it's a higher level than dating. You can dump a "partner" for any reason or no reason and it's not a big deal. You can say a boyfriend/girlfriend isn't worth it because they smile in a way you don't like. But you're not going to dump a spouse so quickly/easily.

RavVid · Accepted Answer

Overly jealous is in the eye of the beholder. Your partner might have reasonable grounds for all I know. Both genders do mate guarding. What is he objecting to?

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

As your trusty relationship guru here on Girls Ask Guys, I’m here to help you tackle those green-eyed monsters! 🌱 When dealing with an overly jealous partner, communication is your superhero cape. Reassure them of your feelings and set boundaries to clarify what’s okay and what’s not. Jealousy can be a relationship red flag if left unchecked, so remind them that trust is the penguin slide of love: smooth, but requiring balance. 🐧 Try to understand their insecurities, but also protect your mental peace. Keep calm and relationship on! 💪💑

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Vishal000 · Answer

1. Have an Honest Conversation
Approach your partner with empathy, not defensiveness. Let them know that you’ve noticed their jealousy and express how it makes you feel. Use “I” statements like “I feel uncomfortable when...” to avoid sounding accusatory.
Example: “I noticed that you seem upset when I talk about my friends, and I want to understand what’s going on.”
2. Understand the Root Cause
Jealousy often stems from insecurity, fear of losing the person, or past experiences (e. g., being cheated on or hurt in the past). Try to understand where your partner’s feelings are coming from.
Tip: Sometimes, deeper emotional issues or past experiences need to be addressed. It’s important to offer support while encouraging them to open up about these feelings.
3. Set Clear Boundaries
Talk about what behaviors are acceptable and what isn’t. For example, being overly controlling, spying, or making accusations without evidence aren’t healthy behaviors in a relationship.
Tip: Boundaries aren’t about creating distance, but about creating mutual respect and understanding.
4. Build Trust
Trust is essential in any relationship. If your partner is constantly jealous, it could be a sign they don’t feel secure. Reassure them, but also make sure your actions align with your words.
Tip: Transparency helps build trust. For example, if your partner is jealous of your social media, explain why you use it and share information openly without feeling defensive.
5. Encourage Self-Confidence
Jealousy can often be rooted in feelings of inadequacy. Help your partner build self-esteem by encouraging their personal growth, supporting their goals, and showing appreciation for their strengths.
Tip: Make sure they understand they are valuable and worthy of love without feeling the need to compare themselves to others.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

I have probably not faced jealousy the way it is meant here. Not in such intensity. But I heard stories and testimonies, ranging from painful to downright frightening.  If belonging becomes tyranny  then it's really going the wrong way to me. I think I know why jealousy happens and derails, the psychological causes, so I would understand why  fear takes over , I would even sympathize... But on the other hand, if the roots of fear are going deep then... It would be out of my reach, which would be  mentally exhausting to deal with, for both parties , I really don't want to live such a relation.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

9 times out of 10, if I look into why someone is jealous... I find out their jealousy is justified.

It's an emotion. We don't just create it, it happens to us when we experience a thing.

That 1 time out of 10 it isn't justified... I find out they're cheating or some shit themselves and are basically projecting their own guilt into a fear they have about the other doing the same shit they do (or really want to do) to themselves.

But 9 times out of 10, I just figure out the one being called jealous, possessive et cetera are getting gaslighted the fuck up...

How do you deal with it? Remove what's causing the issue or the emotion or don't be together. Emotions happen to us and there is no magic pill that's going fix it.

blackeagle007 · Answer

Why men are looking at you is because they are visual. Not saying you purposely caused that. But men are territorial, we hate losing.

Having said, it doesn’t make it reasonable for him to be so insecure. With other guys job whatsoever. Hell if I was with someone and they were checking her out, I’d love it. Basically haha, look but you can’t touch!

Sorry you had to go through that. I would always say “your insecurities are pushing me away”

I had to learn that hard way myself. If she doesn’t act suspicious, any reason to make me worry. Then why worry? Only way to make it is trust.

Malriarch1990 · Answer

Leave the relationship. That is stalker/shooter-suicide territory. If there is no basis for the jealousy, you have never cheated before or asked to do things with someone else, then the partner is a cheater or a closet abuser nut job. Pack up and run like hell.

Caroline91 · Answer

This may sound odd, but I think there is healthy jealousy and unhealthy jealousy. When it becomes destructive, it is unhealthy. But I think we all have felt at least a twinge of jealousy from time to time and I'm not sure that's a bad thing, As long as neither partner uses it to control or manipulate. And I do think trust is a huge part of our human nature. But we need to handle it in a civilized and rationale manner.

OneViewpoint · Answer

Get rid of the insecure, juvenile partner or live with their stunted personality growth. Those are the two options. The odds say you aren't going to talk them out of their problem with any logical argument. Encourage them to go become someone else's problem.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

he wouldn't be my partner :D jealous people are insecure... and insecurities are relationship killers... so no, I wouldn't do it to myself in the first place...

genericname85 · Answer

send them to a good therapist. cause after all, jealousy is her problem to figure out. not mine. and if she's gonna make it mine, then she can leave. cause being overly jealous is a result of bad experiences in the past. bad experiences i'm not responsible for. i won't take accountability for her past. if she's willing to work on herself, i will support her. but i'm not the one who has to fix that issue.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

Deal with? I think the only way of dealing with him is understanding him, cause you can't change him and he can't change you so y'all should either try to find compatibility or what's the point

lilBigPotato · Answer

Jealousy is poison and it's not something that can be easily fixed. Will give him a chance but don't expect it to end well

Nikki1989 · Answer

You don't. That is something no one should tolerate.

Miristheiss · Answer

I would need to know more details on agreed upon boundaries and what the issues are. Maybe you two just aren't compatible boundary wise.

HungTexan · Answer

I’m fortunate my wife isn’t jealous, but if she was I’d try to assure her that there’s no reason for it. Plus demonstrate that you’re faithful and trustworthy with all your actions.

Ad_Quid_Orator · Answer

I try to remind her of all the times she thought I was cheating when I did no such thing and could prove my innocence. But she turned to accusing me of planning something (the kind of thing that's not falsifiable).

slatyb · Answer

You dump them and find someone who will let you have a life.

MittParekh15 · Answer

I would try to win her trust, by doing that it would nuture the relationship and by default the jealousy will go down

UnwantedScorpio · Answer

I have no jealously bone in my body. meditate to deal with the stress

AManOnTheWeb · Answer

I leave them and find one that's emotionally mature and not controlling.

coolbreeze · Answer

You set rules and guidelines to keep them in check

Fireguy17 · Answer

Say good bye and be on my way. I would have no tolerance for that. In all likelihood it would just never get better.

NathanDavis · Answer

I don't make them my partners in the first place...

NicholasRedone · Answer

@itsannalee tell her the dates and expenses will always be an equal 50 50 split. Then offer to share a banana split dessert 🍌 🍨 genuinely

DrPepper12 · Answer

Not now not ever. Jealousy is just the tip of the emotional baggage iceberg...

Jasmine0707 · Answer

I'm still trying to work that one out. Mine gets jealous over small things and it is so annoying

nron97 · Answer

Overly jealous= controlling. You’re in for a miserable ride. Good luck.

bowenw · Answer

Pack their bags if they can’t find a way to deal with their insecurities.

lorenzomichael · Answer

I leave them before they become trouble for me. There is too much drama in the world, I don’t need any of that shit.

PeterLegg91 · Answer

I didn't deal with it very well , I was also a very overly jealous boyfriend hence didn't work out well

dragoblack · Answer

Lay down some lines in the relationship, that the jealous partner will have to agree to, because if those lines are crossed, it leads to abuse.

Pete671 · Answer

Break up with them, they are toxic person,,,

Eros91 · Answer

dump her. I don't have time for that.

driven159 · Answer

leave Jealousy is a form of control not love

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Im sorry but they'd get dumped that shit is super annoying

Jennz6 · Answer

Make him more jealous

AnonAndrew · Answer

In what way is he overly jealous?

katiesmuff · Answer

It were to become a big issue dump him.

serious · Answer

You don't deal with them. Just break up with them.

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

I don't deal with it. I would just break up.

Rimaisme · Answer

You don't.

dustybiker2 · Answer

Cut the cord

UrsulaY · Answer

I wouldn't. I would be gone.

Brandi555 · Answer

It wouldn’t be good. I’m not doing that again.

RHK36 · Answer

I don't have them. Jealous people are toxic, no ty

MK1997 · Answer

I enjoy it

jahaims · Answer

I wouldn't be with someone who is immature

princeofromance · Answer

I leave for a better situation.

Pupweb · Answer

I would leave

Manuelwe · Answer

Get rid of them. As it will end up in violence

jackramada · Answer

How extremely jealous?

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Ignore them.

Crazzyyworld · Answer

Dump him/her

chocolatetwopointo · Answer

u dont, leave them

CubaPirate · Answer

Firmly

MasterKS · Answer

change them.

Cheerfull009 · Answer

Quit

How do you deal with overly jealous partner?

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