My friend hates me now because I hate this guy that she’s seeing?

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, this isn’t a question just a rant, but I’m upset. She’s a good person and she’s gorgeous. She’s very kind, open and honest, and she’s very forgiving, and the last trait is the exact reason she’s single at 40. She’s been seeing this guy for a couple of months and he’s already dumped her twice and then went back to her and she took him back. Yes I get they had a connection and she really clicked with him. I don’t think he’s “bad” per se, I think he’s really immature and not really for a relationship, despite him being 42 years old. Everything is always on his terms, they live about 45 minutes a part and SHE’S always driving to meet him when they do go out, never the other way around. And the last time they broke up was right before the holidays. She had a bunch of parties and get togethers coming up she wanted to invite him too and he kept telling her he couldn’t because he works in tourism and Christmas is his busy time. He got angry with her forgetting that and she told him she has adhd which causes forgetfulness and he told her “I don’t have time for your fucking problems” and dumped her. Today she just told me that they made up a week after the argument and she’s talking to him again. She didn’t want to tell me because she knew what my response would have been.

I personally demand nothing but good treatment from men. I tell them to fuck off the first time they mistreat me, and it paid off. I have a man who treats me like a queen and loves me properly, that’s what I want for her too. So today I told her to text him demanding that he leave work early, drive 45 minutes to her and spend Valentine’s Day with her. I said “if he really wants you, he will”. She said she’s seeing him on Thursday, I said “not good enough. Do it or I will.” And she didn’t so I did. Sure enough he dumped her. Now she’s pissed because she tried calling him to explain that it was me and not her, he blocked her number and she blames me for him dumping her! Wtf?

Updates

1 y

I’m sorry this is long. I was only trying to help, really. I knew he would act like that. I’m sorry I caused him to hurt her but as far as I’m concerned I triggered his true colors and did her a favor. Was I wrong?

She didn’t want the nice guy but she wanted this fuck stick. I never understood why women always want the guys who treat them terribly?

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the classic case of trying to help a friend and getting caught in relationship crossfire 🔥 You clearly want the best for her, but it’s tricky when emotions and pride are at stake. Everyone moves at their own pace. She's seeing potential where you see red flags, and that's okay. It might seem super frustrating, but sometimes people need to learn from their own experiences, even if it seems like they're dating the "perfect example" of what not to do. Let it simmer down a bit before you guys talk it out. Remember, love’s a battlefield where everyone fights their own battles! 😅💕

[Finchie40]

Why it’s best to stay out of other peoples’ relationships, I know you love and care about your friend but when it comes down to who she likes and wants to be with , is completely out of your hands. You honestly shouldn’t have gotten involved and let her experience her own stupidity of being with a guy that only thinks of himself. even though you are the outsider looking in , you don’t truly know everything about her relationship with this guy and what she c’s in him , only she can decide that unfortunately. As a friend all you can do is give advice , whether they want to take you advice or not is up to them. So your friend is upset with you because you over stepped your boundaries with her relationship. How would you feel if she didn’t like your boyfriend and she called him and demanded him to do something for you out of the. blue? You would more than likely be upset that she did that to you. Why it’s best to stay out of other peoples’ relationships unless they are being physically harmed and physically abused then that’s a different story. Your friend is just stupid when it comes to guys’ and sadly she is going to find out the hard way

[Asker]

Oh she’s very stupid when it comes to guys. She was ignored and emotionally abused by her father growing up and I think she’s normalizing that treatment and seeking approval from men who treat her the way her father did. Because every time a nice, decent guy wanted a chance with her, she’d nitpick and find something wrong with him. I’m trying to break her of that.

She says that I’m to demanding. Yes, I am very demanding in every aspect of my life, but it’s why I get the best treatment and it’s why I get everything I want. I’m also kind though, and that’s why every single one of my exes have asked for me back at some point (hers make fun of her for being a doormat). It’s also why my current guy is asking what kind of engagement ring I want (I told him when we became a couple that I was dumping him if he didn’t propose to me on our one year anniversary, because I want marriage).

[Asker]

Point I meant to include but forgot, I don’t have the “scraps are better than nothing mentality” that she has. I have the “you better give me exactly what I want or fuck off” mentality.

[Finchie40]

I understand you care about her and want what’s best for her , but understand she is her own person and she was raised differently than you were. So things that work for you , aren’t going to necessarily work for her. So instead of trying to give her relationship advice , which you clearly know she picks stupid guys’ , give her advice on getting help for herself , it sounds like her upbringing wasn’t the greatest and a lot of her issues probably stem down from childhood. Suggest she seek counseling for herself to help figure herself out. As a friend that’s all you can really do , because sadly you can’t tell her who to date and not to date , she can only decide that on her own. But as a friend you can suggest she gets’ some help because of her upbringing. I am 47 years old and I just found out after all these years that being molested by an older woman when I was a kid , actually played a big part of my life , when I honestly didn’t think it affected me that much , but apparently it did. Most of our choices and decisions in life stem down from childhood that we tend to just bury away within ourselves , thinking it’s not that big of a deal when really it is. So after all these years I am finally understanding why I did the things I did throughout my life. Pretty much making stupid decisions like your friend is doing. Seeking therapy has been helping me see things differently and helping me understand why I am the way I am. So it’s definitely worth a shot for your friend that is making stupid decisions as well

[Asker]

Yeah, I mean I admit that I have a tendency to butt into my single friends dating lives. I love to matchmake and yeah I’m very pushy about it. Basically, I don’t care if you’re man or woman, if you’re single and you’re friends with me you’re getting fixed up whether you want to or not. I’ve been trying to convince her to let me pick out a guy for her and it’s frustrating to me. I don't know, it could also be the fact that she wouldn’t let me pick a guy for her that’s bothering me. I mean well but I’m on the bossy side. I also come from a very old school Jewish American family where marriage and relationships are essentially pushed on everyone, especially the women so the way I am could be cultural.

[Finchie40]

And there is nothing wrong with that , that is sexy to me , but unfortunately not everyone c’s the same way you see or I see things , it’s because most of us come from different upbringings etc. just the way it is, it would be easier if we were all on the same page but sadly y that’s never going to happen

[Asker]

Now she’s talking to me again. Apparently the guy spent all of today with her to make up for not seeing her on Valentine’s Day. She sent me screenshots of their conversation as proof so I know he did apologize and offer to make it up to her even though she did tell him that it was me who demanded that and not her. She thinks this guy is trying to change but I’m skeptical. I still think she needs to drop his ass and let him change for the next woman, but I’m staying out of it this time. Let her get hurt if that’s what she wants.

[Finchie40]

Yea just let her dig her own grave and when the shit finally hits the fan , all you need to say is , I told you so

[Asker]

Yeah, I used Jewish woman guilt on her and said “alright hon, but just know you’re already 40. When he dumps you again, you’re not going to get any younger. As someone who considers you her sister, it hurts like knife in my heart to see you live like this.” She told me if he dumps her again, I can say “I told you so” and that she’ll let me pick someone for her. I’m holding her to that.

[Finchie40]

LOL awesome , yea definitely hold on to that because you will be using it for sure lol

[Asker]

Oh I will. I never take no for an answer so she was getting fixed up whether she likes it or not.

[Finchie40]

LMFAO

[Billlewis]

If he’s really that bad, she’ll likely break up with him before long.