What do men really want?

[Justneedtokno]

Because if a woman is too independent, hyper, independent we’re not letting them man be the man in a relationship and let them take care of us. We’re seeing as masculine, but we developed it by being let down or seeing our mother struggle.

The polar opposite to this is if we let a man lead and take him doing things for us we’re seeing as Gold Diggers⚡️ or pick me.


So what is the balance in this modern world understanding that children are expensive that includes daycare? cost of living is expensive. You cannot put that on one person solely. Individuals are people first before they come to one another. How much do you want them to be together before being with you?

Updates

9 mo

Define respect? From a woman to a man. How would you want to receive this?

[DishLady]

Honestly? I'll give you ONE "capsule example" of my HAPPIEST uncle. (The guys in my family tend to be pushy hypermasculine Alpha/Sigma types, so... here goes.)

I was traveling to Geneva for work and have an uncle who lives there over 50 years -- retired, used to make watches, travelled the world and settled in Geneva with his sweetie after decades of chasing skirts... She's THE ONE who "caught" his heart (he says). WHY? I was meeting her for the first time and she was this skinny. bony sort of woman with no ass, no boobs, just a kind smile and clear eyes... Nothing like the bombshell bitches he used to show us at family reunions (in pics of him and his gang on the alps or in Rome or wherever...). I was dragging my suitcase and he ran up to me for a hug then insisted on kidnapping my luggage.

This was an older main in his LATE 70s lugging a case full of clothes and gifts for the family as if it weighed nothing. I started to protest but then my aunt hooked a companionable arm in mine and said, "Sweetie, he's the man. Let him to his man thing."

I complained that "his man thing" was likely to lead to a heart attack and chased my uncle down the long hall of the airport. But oddly it looked more like he'd get a coronary from arguing with me ABOUT the fucking luggage. (NO JOKE! He looked fine carrying all my junk, but the moment he had to exert himself to argue he turned read and his face got all steely... So I looked back at my aunt who smiled, shrugged and waved for me to come back and walk alongside her, which I did.)

The house was impeccably maintained. He showed me his office (aka guest bedroom) with everything set up just so... I opened my case and brought out all the hostess gifts and such, which made him laugh bc he knew it was a family failing... We laughed about it and he shared a few highlights of his most recent adventures then shared a few old family stories I hadn't heard yet. My aunt catching on magically whipped out a ton of family albums... We had a blast laughing and sharing while dinner was in the oven.

Dinner was a funny little affair bc Uncle brought out the big heavy tray to set on the table (even though Auntie had hauled it around all afternoon just fine without help). Uncle tried to sneak a taste knowing his hands would be smacked away BOTH from the serving dish and Auntie's ass. (Boys will be boys.) She scolded him about being crazy with company present and nodded to where the dishes were so he could set the table for us... Watching them I knew this was their daily shtick for the past 30 years.

Finally, over dinner and the cognac I'd brought for Uncle, they told me the story of how they met and fell in love. I was SO FUCKING CURIOUS because looking at them I could tell they were BOTH totally hooked on each other. HOW? WHY?

They were part of a common group of friends, but he had "a revolving door of women" (Auntie said with a look) and she had a steady guy she had been seeing for years (Rolph). Anyway, she and Rolph split right before a big trip they were supposed to take together before they got back and married. She broke things off bc she said "something just didn't feel right." Uncle heard she was single and chased her down with a fat bouquet of her favorite roses, but she refused them, saying she knows things would never work and he'd just move to the next woman, which would break her heart. She said they were friends and that was what suited them. For months they were "just friends" and he courted her without there being another woman in sight. She finally started dating some guy... going out perhaps two or three times... when Uncle decided to confront her at one of their weekly coffee meetings. He didn't like the new guy... Who WAS this guy and why was he any better or more deserving than any OTHER guy? There was NOTHING remarkable about the guy and she was a remarkable woman. When she shrugged it off he got up and left...

They paused and I was listening intently, a forkful of food hanging in the air... WELL? WHAT HAPPENED?

He was packing for a business trip when there was a light knock on the door. It was her, with a simple bag. "I don't know if I've packed enough... but I thought about what you said... and when you left... I knew that was the energy that was missing with Rolph... your energy... I wanted you... I didn't know."

(She didn't know? Ladies... take a lesson here... Women today know everything, right? Wrong...)

She says she just stood there, waiting, while he looked at her like a guppy. There she was, doing what SHE considered to be "throwing herself at him" and he was like a deer in the headlights.

Uncle takes over the story to run it home now. He says she stole his heart with her confession. "My little cat-burglar did a one-time survey and swooped in just like that to steal it forever." He remembers the way she stood there smiling but with tears shining in her eyes, worrying that he wouldn't reciprocate, but he did, of course, and finally took her hands in his and bent to kiss them, nudged her past the door and kissed her the way he claimed he had wanted to for years. They were married a month later and at the point where they were telliing me this story it was a month and 30 years of shared joys, tears, fears and situations they had conquered together... a process that brought them closer together as friends and lovers every day for the rest of their lives.

Mind you... this is the abbreviated PG13 version bc Uncle gets into some wording that made Auntie blush... and Aunty was very calm and matter of fact in her description of the "revolving door of women" that she -- now, 30 years later -- confessed seemed to all be a certain hyper feminine physical type she'd never aspire to be even on her BEST day. (She looked very Audrey Hepburn in terms of her figure and composure, as opposed to the Sophia Loren types he used to be into.) But they both talked about the other person having "kind eyes" and "a certain way about them that caught the attention of everyone in the room."

So what have we learned?

• Let the man be the man... He wants to be Tarzan/Hercules... let him. Don't spend any energy arguing over it. You'll just BOTH be upset and spoil a nice afternoon.
• Let the woman be the woman... Being feminine is a superpower woman don't tend to get. Guys WANT us to just love and appreciate them. They want someone who "gets" them and knows how to make their motors run at full steam at any fucking age from 18 to 180...
• Spoil them with good new memories and with traditions that remind him of home.
• Anticipate... You know your guy? Great. Anticipate what he's going to do. Smile, give him "the look" and respond to what you KNOW he's thinking. This is the "dance" that two people in love really do.
• The more you anticipate what he does, the more he'll reciprocate.
• Men like to feel like they've "won" their gal... like she's a prize even if they know they're not a prize themselves.
• Men want a woman who knows how to treat them like a prize... even though they may not feel like one bc he world beats them down.
• Men -- real men, good men -- want a woman who has a life and personality of her own, not just someone who will follow them around and mimic them.
• Don't be such a know-it-all. You're smart? Good for you. Now be "man smart" and get your man if that's what you actually want in your life. Otherwise, leave him alone bc he's got shit to do -- you both do.

And that's it... True love... Lifelong companionship... What men want is "a real woman."

[Justneedtokno]

Well, that’s a beautiful story and it’s hard not to know things especially because of life experiences and what if you go through some stuff before that person has it’s like do you just let them figure it out and it’s easy to let them do what they do, but it’s hard to see someone struggled through a situationbut you’re my best to try to keep my mouth shut I guess

[DishLady]

Just... in seeing the two (my aunt and uncle) it's clear that things can REALLY just be simple. We overcomplicate things and media (which, let's face it, has ALWAYS just had the goal of trying to manipulate folks into buying into things that don't work) messes with our heads so that we sabotage in relationships.

[DishLady]

I like your update -- it should be a separate question, actually, bc the answer is complicated.

[Justneedtokno]

Trust me, I absolutely understand. I am a Overthinker. I am a person that definitely will break down. What does the person mean by this? What do they actually want? How do they want me to show up in their life because I wanna be the best person that I can be for that person but not also thinking of myself as an individual in the moment because I miss and (Mold) myself to be that for them instead of also thinking of me, but sometimes that also messes up being myself as the person they are attracted to, but I’m all willing to let men be men and do what they do and handle things I’m also just very independent and I haven’t put myself out there in a while so me taking this new journey and also looking at like my aunt my uncle or even some of the relationships that I’ve seen over the years it is a lot of OK pausing

And I got

[Shiprex]

This resonates and makes total sense. It does seem that it takes time though to get to know YOURSELF and be confident in them to be able to recognise what is missing and who can bring that and more. I think a lot of people these days hyperfocus on the missing bits expecting a perfect fit to come and complete them instead of being able to fill the holes with them

[DishLady]

@Shiprex YES! Agreed.

[Apple1996]

What men want doesn't matter. The majority will hate on women no matter what we do

[Cormac995]

Personally I want a woman who...

1. Doesn't cheat.

2. Doesn't want an open relationship or three-way type stuff or BDSM etc.

3. Very physically affectionate, hugs, cuddling and watching movies kisses etc.

4. Shared interests or being involved in each other's interests and hobbies. If your partner likes something maybe you'll like it too.

5. Inteligent potentially more than me, I like learning new things and I'm more than happy to learn things from my partner.

6. Are healthy to an extent. I'm a bit overweight myself but there's a difference. I'm not talking about girls being a little chubby. Love handles just means there's more to cuddle but if I confuse you for a dairy cow, I'm sorry but no. I'm referring to people who are heavily obese from bad eating choices and are 300 + pounds. You don't have to be a 10/10 body builder I just want to know my partner isn't going to die from a heart attack at 35.

7. Keeps mature boundaries around other men when we start dating, I see a lot of girls flirting with guys at the bar while dating to get free drinks. If I caught my girlfriend doing that, I'd dump her on the spot. It's disrespectful to your partner and nasty whorish behavior. If you do this, you're just stringing guys along, so they buy you things and tossing them and if you do that, you're a bitch.

8. Is no longer in contact with any of their ex's. I wouldn't be comfortable if my partner was still in contact with any of her ex's and frankly, I'd expect and want her to be upset if I did the same. People shouldn't be ok with that kind of behavior if they're dating regardless of gender. If you flirt with someone or lead them on and your partner should be pissed at you. If I was dating and she was ok with me being around my ex I'd be concerned.

9. Values and respects me and makes me feel wanted.

10. Appreciates when I try to be romantic and a good partner. For example, if I bought some flowers or cooked for my SO and they reacted like it was nothing special I'd probably be moody for a while. I'm not saying they have to gush over it but if I don't get a smile or a peck on the cheek, I'm going to feel like I failed.

11. Is comfortable with the idea of being in a committed partnership if the relationship reaches that stage.

12. The most important. Loves me genuinely and is happy around me and makes me happy too.

[Justneedtokno]

You had me until number two because exploring with your partner and it doesn’t have to be those specific things helps you grow closer with your partner now that’s a sidebar conversation. Everything else seems sweet.

[Cormac995]

If number two is a problem you're not healthy enough or in a good enough headspace for a meaningful relationship.

[Justneedtokno]

No, I believe it’s a communication thing and all depending on your partner and what are you willing to try with your partner? There is no way I would want to sign up for just vanilla.

[Cormac995]

THen you're not in the right headspace to have a life partner. Simple as.

[Justneedtokno]

No, I’m in the right headspace if I want my partner and my partner wants me you would have a certain passion or fire or desire for your partner, and that means trying different things or willing to explore your partner in different ways as a couple or married couple, you would have total trust and communication with them learning about them, knowing their likes and dislikes how far they would want to do thingsor they would want you to do things with them. This is not gonna come out right primarily because I would have to talk to you directly or if I was your actual partner and it would make more sense than just regular missionary style or going somewhere different.

[Summeroflove]

I think what many men want is not just a woman who needs him but who genuinely loves him, wants a relationship, wants to be a companion, etc. A lot of men try to be in relationships that are superficial but they rarely ever work once that women finds someone whose better then him she leaves. If that man has something happen out of his control and he looses his job, is injured, etc. They leave.

A real relationship is equal effort and taking care of one another how two people do that can vary relationship to relationship but that’s how they should work. Unfortunately when narcissists get involved one person gets the short end of the stick.

I understand that people judge no matter what you do it depends on your intentions and where your heart is at. All men and women are different so people look for different things. If you can’t see that people judge no matter what and you have to find the people who genuinely want and like you…

There is definitely the two extremes if that makes sense… There is the extreme of women who don’t like men…. I don’t need a man bla bla bla…. And the extreme of wanting a man to depend on so she can have a easy free ride in life.

It comes down to wanting a genuine connection at least for me and many men out there. Sone men are different but many end up learning that well it just doesn’t work and after being divorced enough times

[AI Opinion]

You're diving into the classic "what do men really want" enigma, huh? It’s a delightful labyrinth! 😏 There's not a one-size-fits-all answer, but I’ll give it a whirl. Men, like women, vary, but many seek a connection where they feel valued and respected. Balance is like salsa dancing in relationships—sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow. It’s about finding your own groove together! Independence isn’t a red flag, it's like adding some spice. So, dance together and work it out! 🕺💃

[Finchie40]

Men want a girl that respects him , stays loyal and loving to him , cherishes him the same way he will cherish her. Works with him as a team partner , makes him her top priority the same way he will make her his. Men also want a lot of intimacy and affection from her , that’s how men feel closer to a girl he gives his heart to. Most Men need to feel complimented and respected , Most men don’t receive that like Girls’ tend to. When he meets a beautiful girl that respects him and only has eyes for him , he will more than likely do the same for her. Most men do not want selfish girls’ that only think of themselves, he wants a girl that has his back through the good times and the bad times , He is choosing her the same way she should be choosing him. If not that relationship won’t last. Selfishness is one of the biggest relationship killers , if you can’t remove selfishness for your partner , don’t expect them to do the same for you , it needs to go both ways. Why I only date submissive girls’ , Girls’ that know how to treat and respect a man , that have good moral values when it comes to relationships and marriage. She makes him a priority the same way she wants to be his priority. She doesn’t prioritize anyone else over him , including her friends’ and family , Girls’ that prioritize family and friends’ over their partner are slowly digging their own grave because once a guy feels unwanted and unvalued by his partner , he will more than likely choose someone else over her

[Purpleronnie]

Maybe it’s just me , but I have never cared if I’m what women want. I couldn’t give an actual F*** about that. I have set my eyes and focus on what “I WANT” out of life, what will make me happy, first and foremost. That doesn’t mean I’m selfish or single minded though. I’m actually caring , selfless and considerate but “No” woman can make me happy if I’m not at least content with who I am !!!


So my response to you is , why does it matter? MEN are not all the same , some men don’t want a woman , some men are incapable of attracting a woman. Why would a women focus so much on what men want? Should their value or worth to men really be so important? More important than what they themselves want?


My focus in life has NEVER been on attracting a woman and what they want yet throughout my life I’ve NEVER had an issue in finding / attracting one. Being perfectly honest it’s been like shooting fish in a barrel at times.

[dragoblack]

Someone who will treat us as a person, support us even when we are vulnerable, support our interests in what we enjoy even if it is simple, for the one we are with not to be petty, and for her to communicate instead of playing childish mindgames, to appreciate the little things we do, to self reflect & implove yourself, to not cause us unneeded drama, to respect our financial setups... just be a genuine person that doesn't cause drama and has good morals.
Guys are simple, but usa dating society has their idea of how guys should be, that is unrealistic and automaton-ish

[Rohaan2020]

Independent woman is fine untill she’s respectful to her partner…. And honestly i am fine with a no career woman too… no career doesn’t necessarily mean shez a gold digger…. A career woman could be a gold digger too….
so basically we need a companion who we can respect and love and who gives back the same energy….

Men often dislike the kind of career women who become arrogant… like for example: on this website only a woman posted that women have to work only bcs men have become incompetent… so basically you are degrading men and that’s what nobody would like be it a man or a woman…

i had a girlfriend and i always supported and motivated her to build a career and follow her passion and she did the same…. So this is the kind of relationship men want…. and such women do exist in abundance….

[Yannae]

A simple woman. I just came from a question of an asker who just seems to refuse to have clear communication with everyone she interacts with and just imagining being such a relationship would make me mad.
I want a woman who is crystal clear towards me with intent, feelings, thoughts, ...

Being of sound mind and Similar mind. If we respect, love and believe in the same things, life becomes very easy.

My friend gets in a fight with his future ex for spending time with friends, threatening with break ups, emotional manipulation etc. And he says "That is women for you". I disagree. That is just a mismatch.

[RavVid]

Men still want what we wanted 20,000 years ago at the dawn of the Agriculture Age and the start of cities.

It really hasn't changed from the feminine virtues. For myself the #1 is genuinely nice as opposed superficial appearances of being nice. The reason I put emphasis on that is I think it is an umbrella character trait that includes all the ones I want.

I also want slender and lithe.

[Fireguy17]

I have always sought out independent women.
I dont have the time to hold their hand and walk them through life.
Im gone a lot, work weird hours so someone who can function on their own is a godsend.

[Justneedtokno]

What do you mean walk them through life? lol

[Fireguy17]

If they are a dependant type of person, it is hard for them to make a decision on things, to be able to handle things that don't go right, flat trye, something breaks in the house they don't know what to do.
I'm not saying they need to be able to fix the issue themselves, but who to call, how to get something resolved, say an issue on your credit card without falling apart.
My brother in laws wife is like that.
He ended up in the hospital for an extended stay, he is fine now, and she had no clue about the household bills, how to payvthem, so my wife went down there to be with her and ended up walking her through everything.
I dont have the time to do that.
Hope that helps.

[sawno]

I seek an equal, not in the sense that we fulfill the same role but a true partner who matches me. Not above me, not beneath me. But someone truly on the same page that I can share life with. Similar or complimentary personality, similar or complimentory interests, same sexual desires, etc.

[Anonymous]

The answer for most is somewhere between the two extremes you mentioned, and where depends on the individual man. Every man is different. Sorry, that's not very specific.

For me, I want a woman who values family above her career ambitions. I make a good living and can afford to support our family either without her working, or with her working part time so she can do right by our children, especially when they are young and need a dedicated mother. I'm willing to make sacrifices in our lifestyle for that, and I want her to be willing too. I want that to be important to her.

And I DON'T want a woman who expects me to split the house chores 50/50 when I'm busting my ass to bring in 75% of the income to support our family.

As far as respect, I just want her to let me be a man and appreciate what I bring to our family. Nothing more special than that.

[Professor-college]

I have noticed that most guys want a woman who's hot and that's exactly what he wants her to do but I personally like one with a nice body but doesn't have to be like super perfect and I would prefer a woman who enjoys doing things with me has her own likes and dislikes and every now and then says what she's thinking even if it's not the same I am... It would be great if she has goals in life but it doesn't let herself get carried away with that and realize it that life is all about the little things as well

[Grond21]

All men or a particular man? It's a different answer depending

[Justneedtokno]

I guess what is your general description of this because as I stated we’re either hyper masculine or hyper independent gold digging is getting to be too much and I think it scares me not to even wanna try

[Grond21]

We want you to be yourself. Stop trying to mold yourself into an aggregate of who millions of men want in a wife, and instead be who you're meant to be. That will attract the right man

[Justneedtokno]

Well, if everyone screaming about the time frame, we don’t really have time to be ourselves at this point joking, but the best wife we can show up to be girlfriend whatever

[Grond21]

You certainly don't have time to be anyone else than yourself

[MicahRaine]

I think bottom line, the average (mature) man wants a woman who respects him and herself, and who values and facilitates a complimentary relationship between the two.

[Communicationisking]

If your talking about a relationship your in, my user name says it all.. communication is king. These days everyone has a say its great but only when people are open and honest otherwise it doesn't work

[Ms_Facesitter]

I think they just want like a best friend that they just so happen to like and love more than a best friend.

[oldpigg]

I'm not going to take care of women, she must take care of herself, nor am I going to give her money.

[jahaims]

It's pretty simple. Males act masculine and females act feminine. You are a dumbass if you are a female acting masculine and can't figure out why you can't get a man.

[genericname85]

men want exactly everything you want too. with the only exception that for them every day is ovulation day.

[Sevenpointfive]

the ned stark "one simplies" to stop being the first words out of my mouth when talking to anyone

[Justneedtokno]

Listen here food, Wine and glory and just something to stick your in every once in a while does not compute legacy with some type of comfort zone would be nice. Don’t you think?

[Sevenpointfive]

i didn't even bring up incest.

[Justneedtokno]

Lol whoa whoa whoa. I did not mention anything about cousins sisters uncles or brothers in this sequence. Do we need a red wedding?

[Sevenpointfive]

[Justneedtokno]

lol 😂 good day to you, sir

[worldscolide]

Just going to leave this here as your answer. Its very true.

[Justneedtokno]

OK, I think we have different ideas of what independent is. In my way we know that no one‘s gonna do it for us so we have to get up to do it ourselves therefore learning how to I don’t know fix the dryer knob timer or tearing down a wallusing a power tool or trying to learn how to use a nail and a hammer the only thing I will not bring myself to do is cut the grass quite frankly I’m afraid to use the lawnmower

[worldscolide]

Hey I don't blame you on the lawn mowing thing, damn machines are scary. It's why I pay people to handle that.

The image i shared is of what a lot of "strong independent women" are.. Actual strong independent women are nothing like that. I married a strong independent woman. She's my best friend, and we take care of each other.. But she doesn't call her self a strong independent woman. Before meeting my wife, I dated someone who claimed to be a strong independent woman, and she ended up being a controling, manipulative, evil, abusive person who sliced my face up when I left her.

[Justneedtokno]

I think that’s very sweet. It’s not something that you have to say all the time, but I think most of the time.

[Shiprex]

Respect for a man involves NOT publicly disagreeing with him. Going along and supporting his decisions and LATER consider having words.

[Pet68]

I don't know about other men, but this is what I want.

Peace and quiet. No drama. Enough money to retire on, my own house or apartment, and being content with that.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

You're talking about two different men. Like if I ask what women want and explain that there are bad guys but women complain they are abusive but if they are good guys, they also complain that they are manipulative or just boring.

[aquamarine321]

Men have been saying what they want as long as men exist on this blue rock planet, but women don’t listen or see , this question is so common now

[Justneedtokno]

Because it seems unattainable. Because they end up being cheated on, or they’re not interested

[aquamarine321]

Well, if you been giving him what he wanted he wouldn’t cheat, plus guys don’t cheat for the same reason girls cheat, because even if a guy cheats , he’ll always return home to the one he loves even though that can be 50/50 also, because a guy can cheat and leave permanently or cheat and return, but that’s if a guy cheat

[aquamarine321]

Plus a lot of that guys that cheat it’s either you didn’t have what he wants or he was temporarily distracted because I know that females can be very aggressive when they want a guy and not all guys can resist

[MikeRJ]

Most men want what women want - loyalty and respect.

[SmokinAces2000]

I’ve always wanted an independent woman. It’s not attractive for someone to be dependent on me or super submissive and I don’t understand why so many men seem to want that.

[Manuelwe]

What do women really want?

As each woman is different as every man is different
Want kids
Don't want kids
Get married
Don't get married and so on

[lorenzomichael]

We just want to fuck everything just like the way girls just want money.

[Anonymous]

Sex. Can’t think of a single thing a woman is good for besides spreading her legs for me until I’m finished.

[captain_voidwalker]

Men are simple, we want our balls empty and our stomachs full

[Jhon_Cobretti]

Can you like stop going to the extremes all the time?

Sex, silence , sandwich... all you need to do is remember these 3S

[masterSir]

Food, naughty sex, supportive wife that doesn't nag

[LiamJHayden]

Respect and adoration.

[NathanDavis]

reciprocation...

[Ironco]

Peace and quiet

[Anonymous]

men want peace, respect and appreciation

[Ariesman81]

Yeah... you got it

[Jennz6]

It’s hard to know

[seeyounexttuesday]

their bellies full and their balls empty

[msc545]

Peaceful silence.

[Anonymous]

It is unclear what men want.

[Anonymous]

Peace

[Anonymous]

Sex mostly.