What should I do if I opened the marriage and now my husband wants a baby with someone else?

Question

We opened our marriage a few months ago due to mismatched sex drives. At first, it seemed to ease the tension between us until he told me he got someone pregnant and wants to be involved in the child’s life. I never wanted kids, and now I feel completely blindsided. He says it’s up to me whether we stay together or not. I’m lost. Has anyone been through something like this?

Cormac995 · Accepted Answer

This is what happens when you FAFO. open marriages are a shit idea and stuff like this is why. You should have kept sex in the relationship. If you and your partner have different sex drives, it doesn't matter, saying no too much will ruin the relationship whether you meant it to or not. Sexual needs are important in a relationship, and they weren't being met. You need sex to build intimacy and closeness and that's a requirement for a healthy romantic bond. Humans need touch and sex to function properly, and he wasn't getting what he needed from you.

If miss-matched sex drives are the problem, you needed to have more sex anyways even if you don't feel like it for your partners benefit to make the relationship fulfilling or you will drift apart. Marriage needs Maintenace to function and part of that is sharing intimacy through sex. Sex is an act of love and closeness. Sometimes you do things for your partner you don't always want to because it's important their emotional needs are met too and people sexual and emotional needs are tied together directly in a romantic relationship. I'm sorry to say he's already picked her over you. He left the door open and said you can stay or go that means his decision is already made and they're keeping the baby and it doesn't matter to him if you don't want him to. She has been meeting his needs and gave him something he wanted you didn't to give. Of course the relationship died why would you be content in an emotionally unrewarding relationship? At that point it feels toxic like you're being used.

You wanted different things in the relationship and weren't able to meet in the middle. You need to get divorced he's already checked out of the marriage, and I think he's in love with her now. SHe's giving him everything he needed you didn't so he's leaving.

Neither of you are free of fault in this. You both fucked up multiple times to hit this stage. The fact is if he said you can leave but he's staying with the baby means he's picked her and the baby over you because it's what he wanted.

Honestly this is a marriage that never should have happened if it was going to lead to this kind of thing. Open relationships are wrong on multiple levels, and this is one of the reasons why. I've seen this before it happens every time. I'm not trying to be cruel I'm being honest. The marriage is already over, and he's already left you emotionally he just hasn't said it directly yet.

The moment you opened the marriage and stopped keeping your sex life in house this was inevitable. I'm sorry this is a shitty situation but the two of you did this to yourselves ultimately. Neither of you are free of blame you both messed up. I recommend you get a divorce and part without getting into a nasty lawsuit. Take what's yours and let him take what's his and leave. It's too late to fix this I'm sorry.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Why you never agree to an open marriage , it’s either you fix your marriage or go your separate ways , Open marriage pretty much means the marriage is already on its way to be over. Marriage is for 2 people only , When you agree to allow other people to be in the mix , things like this can easily happen , I can’t tell you what to do , but my advice to you is to just end your marriage with your husband and let him go be with the other girl so they can raise their baby together , You clearly don’t want the same things as your husband or you both wouldn’t of got to this point in your marriage to begin with , if you don’t want kids’ and your sexually compatibility is opposite of each other , then you are best go your separate ways and find yourself someone that wants the same things as you do , you and your husband don’t have to be enemies , just accept the fact that the both of you aren’t good for each other. Just because you care about someone and love someone , it doesn’t mean you have to stay with that someone , Again, it’s your life and your choice so you can choose to stay or choose to walk away

lyrem04 · Accepted Answer

Nope, I’ve never been in that situation, so I can’t fully relate. I’ll just be direct though—having an open marriage was a decision you both made, and ideally, there should’ve been clear conversations ahead of time about boundaries, pregnancy, and what to do if those lines are crossed. To me, open marriages can feel like ‘allowed cheating,’ but I know people define and experience them differently, so I’m not judging—just sharing how I personally see it. That said, I’m not surprised you’re feeling blindsided now. At this point, it’s about how you choose to handle the situation and take responsibility for the outcome. I don’t think there’s a ton of advice we can give other than to say that these are the kinds of things that really should’ve been figured out before opening the marriage. Sorry if that sounds blunt.

Raphaëlle · Accepted Answer

Did you discuss condoms etc or how to stay healthy and 'clean' while having a open marriage? If it's not on your bingo card to be a mum, break up. It's up to the child's mother as well if she wants baby father in the picture or not. Can you see yourself taking care of your husband's child or not?

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Oh, the tangled webs we weave in the land of open marriages and unexpected plot twists! 😅 Emotions are no doubt running high, but remember, honesty is key. You decided on openness, but this twist? Yeah, that’s a plot nobody saw coming. It's important to evaluate your feelings about this new dynamic and consider the implications for your relationship. There's no right or wrong here, just what feels right for you. Prioritize communication and self-care, lovely! Remember, you're navigating this ship, and only you can decide your voyage.🌊❤️

3

SteveSmith1985 · Answer

Wow. I can't claim to have experienced anything like this. Personally an open marriage isn't something I would ever do.

I don't know your situation or marriage obviously. What I'm saying may not apply at all to you. These are just my impressions based on the tiny bit you wrote here.

My initial thought is that your husband seems like he might just not be committed to your marriage (open or not). Was it him who proposed opening your marriage?

It seems weird to me that you only opened your marriage a few months ago, yet your husband is already saying "its up to you" whether or not you stay together.

He's eager to have a kid with some woman he's known a few months? It's up to you if you want to stay together? That seems fishy. I think at best, he isn't as committed to your marriage working as he ought to be.

I can't give you any advice here. Not really.

I've never been married.

I don't know if there is anything you can do. If he doesn't seem to care about how much this must hurt you, I don't think that is likely to change. I'm sorry I don't have anything more hopeful to say.

AviatorTom · Answer

Sounds like you and your husband have different ideas about kids. He wants them, you don't. It's hard to confirm ue a relationship with that huge difference.

You two need to sit down and mutually agree on what to do now. Can you put up with a husband who is going to spend most of his time with his child? It might be time for an amicable divorce?

Just curious... do you also have other partners on your open marriage, or does only your husband have the free pass?

DishLady · Answer

“You made your bed now lie in it.”

lightbulb27 · Answer

an example of a "new kinda mess" such creative relationships create. not like the first time in history that's happened.

The strength of your model is it isn't a shock and you opened yourself to it. So that's good. I supposed you can just go back to your values and continue to love your husband, support him in caring and raising his child in a nuclear family. Frankly, you may want to be cordial to this woman... although she may not reciprocate.

anything else is what? you then have to figure out how to have your needs met so you still feel like a valuable person.

and yes, finances will need to be "worked out".

All of this was always about making offspring in the natural realm.

sawno · Answer

Mistakes were made, now all you can do is accept the consequences. Obviously let him be involved with his kid. Doesn't mean he loves that girl more than you but obviously he wants to be involved raising them. he's also going to have to dedicate finances to the kid now.

butterfly · Answer

You didn’t sign up for this. Wanting different futures especially about something as big as kids is a dealbreaker. He made a life-changing choice without you. That’s not love, that’s disrespect. You deserve someone who shares your values, not someone who throws you into chaos. Walk away.

drummer · Answer

That’s a huge shift, and it’s okay to feel blindsided. If you never wanted kids and he now wants to co-parent with someone else, your values might no longer align. You deserve honesty and a life that fits you. Think long-term staying shouldn’t mean sacrificing yourself.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

He is basically starting a family with some other woman and will probably fall for her.. I would move on rather than stay in a marriage for convenience, since it will be a very lonely journey.

OneViewpoint · Answer

Suck it up buttercup. You put yourself in this situation. Decide if you're gonna stick around because it's safer (economically) and less work for you or you're gonna go have what you want. It's obvious you two don't see eye to eye on some pretty important parts of life. The kid thing surprised you. What's next? You're in your late 40's. Tick Tock. Your options are closing with every passing day.

Fireguy17 · Answer

No, but I can see how messed up that can get.
First kudos to him for wanting to be involved in the child's life, but I do not see how this can end up well at all.
You also have to consider the child as they grow up, and the effects this could have on them.
I do not think there is an easy answer to this, best of luck with your decision.

MrChinaski · Answer

I have been through opening a relationship, on both sides, but not with kids involved.

What do you want?

If he has a child with another partner he is either going to leave you and move in with her, or you are all going to live together. Are you comfortable with either of those outcomes? Leaving him is a viable option too.

Shiprex · Answer

Sorry to hear you're in a tricky situation that doesn't really have a good prognosis. The answers here give much the same potential for choosing the least worst option.

Can you see this as a situation where you and he and baby and baby mother can work this out together?
OR
Do you see that idea as being out of the question?

chrissykerdock · Answer

sounds like it backfired enjoy your divorce proceedings

Anonymous · Answer

You both made bad choices. I don’t get why a man would marry a woman if she did t want kids. Assuming he wanted kids. Or was this something he knew up front before the marriage? Two, you opening up the relationship to be open was just a bad decision. I take it it was you who didn’t want sex as much?

beenherebefore · Answer

Very good example of 'be careful what you wish for' You should've thought of the possibility of this happening. I may be wrong but I don't see a come back from this.

EmmaMary · Answer

It's time to call it a day... And go your separate ways.

MysteriousDarkness · Answer

He wants a child and then to be in the childs life and you don't want any kids. That is a major reason for divorce. On top of that it seems like you two did not discuss the pros and cons of an open marriage. Seems like you just went well our sex drives don't match so lets just have an open marriage.

alice55 · Answer

Shouldn't have opened it, find a new husband

Anonymous · Answer

the other woman has proven to be more useful to him than you have been to him never mind they have a kid together and you shouldn't be prioritized above the kid

strateguy632 · Answer

It never happened to me, but keep your word. You said open so open it is.

abc3643 · Answer

You reap what you fucking sow. * S M H * *facepalm*

californiareaper · Answer

Just get a divorce. You're obviously not sexually compatible or on the same page when it comes to what you want in a relationship

Anonymous · Answer

🤦🏻‍♀️not to be rude but, gee if it isn’t the consequences of your actions coming to bite you in the ass.

Anonymous · Answer

Now you know why no one gets involved in love triangles. Maybe she will be the next love triangle victim.

nawtee_me · Answer

If he has a baby with someone else than she has to raise it. Let him know you are not going to and he should move in with her….

DCVsMarvel · Answer

Then what was the point of marrying. This is the main reason i dont want marriage, people like you two

Asgaeros · Answer

Opening up marriages or being polyamourous is allowed cheating with extra steps. You should have thought about this better precisely because of stuff like this.

PhillyPhil · Answer

Unfortunately playing with fire will get your burnt.

BarryLiverstone · Answer

Have you met the person that will be having his baby?

qwerty2469 · Answer

Suck it up buttercup. You made your bed now watch your husband lay in it with another woman

fish5505_87 · Answer

He says it's up to you? Run If he really loved you at all, he would fight for you!

Anonymous · Answer

You need to get out of that hornet's nest! It will not end well... and you will be used in ways you can't fathom right now!

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Sorry but you marrige is over you have to let him go

Anonymous · Answer

Who could have seen that coming?

RingOfFire · Answer

When you play with fire you get burned.

DrPepper12 · Answer

You got played. I'm so sorry.

jeffend888 · Answer

Hahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahaa

ABC1x1x · Answer

You should reap what you've sown.

shortster · Answer

Have you met the other woman?

MasterKS · Answer

High time to kick him out of your life.

Anonymous · Answer

Let him do it

jahaims · Answer

Lol.

In_Trance · Answer

Break up

negis · Answer

olabildiğince erken

What should I do if I opened the marriage and now my husband wants a baby with someone else?

Most Helpful Opinions

AI Opinion

What Girls & Guys Said

What do I do if I’m pregnant and husband wants a divorce?

What should I do if I opened the marriage and now my husband wants a baby with someone else?

Most Helpful Opinions

AI Opinion

What Girls & Guys Said

What do I do if I’m pregnant and husband wants a divorce?

We're glad to see you liked this post.