How do I deal with my boyfriend checking out other women?

Question

We've been together for a little over a year. Lately, something has really been bothering me: he frequently checks out other women when we’re out together. For example, we’ll go out for a meal and if an attractive woman walks in, his eyes instantly follow her. Throughout the night, I’ll notice him glancing at her repeatedly and even staring sometimes.

I understand that people look, and I know this isn’t the worst thing in a relationship but it still hurts. It makes me feel invisible, unattractive, and honestly, just really insecure. I try to ignore it, but it sticks with me and affects how I feel about myself. I put effort into how I look and how I show up in the relationship, and this kind of behavior chips away at my self-esteem.

Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you handle it without sounding overly jealous or needy?

BobbieBoy666 · Accepted Answer

Dealing with a boyfriend who checks out other women requires open communication and setting boundaries. You can express how his behavior makes you feel, ask for his perspective, and discuss how you can both respect each other's boundaries, says Quora.
Here's a more detailed approach:
1. Express your feelings:
Calmly and honestly tell your boyfriend how his behavior makes you feel. For example, "When you openly stare at other women, it makes me feel insecure and like I'm not valued." Quora states.
2. Ask for his perspective:
Listen to his explanation. He might say it's a natural human response, or he might be trying to make you feel insecure. Understanding his perspective can help you address the situation more effectively.
3. Set boundaries:
Clearly communicate what behaviors you are and are not comfortable with. For instance, "I'd appreciate it if you could be more mindful of your attention and not make it obvious when you're checking out other women." Very well Mind says.
4. Reinforce your boundaries:
Once you've set boundaries, you need to reinforce them. If he continues the behavior, calmly remind him of your boundaries and the impact it has on you, says Lyra Health.
5. Consider a professional:
If the issue persists or you're struggling to communicate effectively, consider couples counseling. A therapist can help you both navigate these challenges in a healthy and constructive way.
6. Focus on your own feelings and self-worth:
Work on building your own self-confidence and understanding that your worth is not determined by your partner's attention or lack thereof.
7. Acceptance and responsibility:
It's important to accept that you may not be able to control his natural inclinations, but you can be responsible for your own feelings and well-being.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Find yourself a new boyfriend, if he is doing that in front of you , just imaging what he does when you aren’t in front of him? If you want to stay in a relationship with someone that truly doesn’t respect or appreciate you , that’s up to you , Me personally will not continue beating a girl that was checking out other guys’ especially in front of me , it’s one think to look for a second but to consistently look just shows that person’s true character of who they really are as an person and shows how they truly feel about you , Unfortunately you are just a convenience to your boyfriend, you are not his priority. Again it’s up to you what you choose to do , but know you are just a convenience to him.

blunty · Accepted Answer

You are not overreacting, your feelings are valid. Try to talk about how this makes you feel, calmly and honestly, without accusations. A respectful partner should care about your comfort. This is not about jealousy, it is about feeling valued.

laraWM · Accepted Answer

Yes it happens a lot. I caught many times guys staring at me while with their girlfriend. I think you won't be able to make him stop but you could try to tell him to look at other girls when he is not with you because it's not respectful

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Sweetheart, trust me, you're not alone in this unasked cameo of the wandering eyes saga! 💔 Your feelings are valid; this isn't about being needy—it's about wanting respect. Maybe he’s got a case of wandering-eye syndrome, which needs a good heart-to-heart. Being open and honest helps both of you understand boundaries. Let him know how it makes you feel without turning it into a drama scene, because nobody needs that Oscar moment! Remember, communication is the key to keeping his eyes (and heart) where they belong! 💙

Summeroflove · Answer

The only thing you can do is communicate how you feel and if he doesn’t respect that you have to choose if you want to be with him. You can’t control him but you can control yourself as well as who you choose to be with.

DishLady · Answer

My take on it is if he's interested in other women tell him, "go ahead, but don't expect me to be standing here when you get back."

Anonymous · Answer

In the first place, that's just how we're wired. We can't help it and looking at other women doesn't mean we're hunting for someone else/better than what we've got! My last girlfriend asked me about this shortly after we started seeing each other and I told her the truth: I'm not window shopping or looking for someone else! I'm in love with you! Nothing will change that! If I'm looking at other women, it's the same as going to a museum and looking at works of art and admiring the way they look. That's all! And, after that, she was perfectly fine with me looking and even pointed out a few for me, and we were together for a decade after that. As it turns out, she did the cheating!
So, I don't think you have anything to worry about. If/when he starts coming onto them, then you can start to worry!
Confront him with it, if you must but don't make a huge deal out of it or you might end up losing him over time.
Dad was always looking at other women, too but he was still very much in love with ma! And they stayed together for the rest of their lives.
Does he still give you lots and lots of love? If so, I don't think you have anything to worry about. As long as he's not chasing after them, you've got him to yourself.

RingOfFire · Answer

The best way to deal with it is to realize that it means nothing. This is natural instinct in a man. Men are more visual than women and they are programmed to look.

It's hard for them not to look because it's just the way they were designed. It doesn't mean anything and it doesn't mean he's not attracted to you.

OneViewpoint · Answer

If his mind is wandering like this it means he's bored. If he was totally absorbed in conversation with you and/or the friend group you are hanging out with, he wouldn't be distracted by passing hotties.

blackjack · Answer

If he keeps looking at other women while you're there, that's just plain disrespectful. It's one thing to stare, we're human, but if it's a habit, it's lacking in maturity or respect. You deserve someone who makes you feel seen, not someone who makes you question your worth

Anonymous · Answer

Find someone else?

If you trust him don't worry. If you make it an issue it will push him away. If he is like this it is how he is. Men are come the way they are. Woman often think they can change men. They cannot.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

Fight fire with fire, if he is checking out other women you should start checking out other men.

Shiprex · Answer

Tell him this is hurtful and ask if he wants to be with her instead. It is natural to look but rude to someone you're with as well

Alex-Snow · Answer

Guys do do that but they should be chill about it. It does not mean he does not care or like you. But if it bothers you tell him otherwise nothing will change.

bddddd · Answer

Either your relationship is dead in the water. his admiring eyes mean nothing at all or you are paranoid... regardless, the best option is to talk with him.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel.

slatyb · Answer

Have you mentioned this to him? How did he respond?

Nikki1989 · Answer

Most do it, and anyone saying they don't is lying. Most men have wandering eyes.

Jeff51 · Answer

Did you ask him why he does it? Did he make some lousy excuse? Maybe it's time to let him go and find another guy.

SotiCoto · Answer

Congratulations. Your boyfriend is an idiot. And the only cure for idiocy is death.

Twalli · Answer

Until he does more than checking them out, there's no need to worry. He'll look, but looing shouldn't be a huge deal.

Staximus · Answer

The guy is a shit bag. He's disrespecting you right in front of your face.

MinaV · Answer

When he committed in a relationship with you.. did he say he wouldn't look or admire other girls?

nawtee_me · Answer

Leave unless you want to become the other woman….

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Don’t be shy about checking out other guys. You can’t overcome biology

uncutgem · Answer

check them out with him but if he is being disrespectful with it leave his goofy ass

Anonymous · Answer

Talk to him about it and if he doesn’t care , leave.

NicholasRedone · Answer

Can't you just check out other men 😜😄

Anonymous · Answer

Suck his dick before going out.

Sal_Monella · Answer

Accept it. Or get rid of him.

In_Trance · Answer

Stop it.. Everybody looks. Including you

Godihateyou · Answer

Dress better and hit the gym

Anonymous · Answer

Just ignore him. He'll realize that he's wrong.

itsannalee · Answer

Get a new boyfriend

How do I deal with my boyfriend checking out other women?

Most Helpful Opinions

AI Opinion

What Girls & Guys Said