I thought girls check out other guys, too, even though they wouldn't do anything about it. The fact is that men's brains and women's brains are wired differently. This is simple fact. Guys live closer to the brink of arousal. We are programmed - programmed since we lived in caves - to find the sights and sounds of women attractive, exciting and stimulating. This is the reason why most relationships begin with the guy approaching the girl, to talk to her, get to know her and ask her out, rather than the other way around most of the time. This doesn't mean that it's an excuse for guys to act like animals in heat, although unfortunately some do! So guys will look at girls. It's a natural thing. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, or that he would leave you for someone else! Not at all. If he loves you and you have a great relationship, he wouldn't jeopardize what he has with you. So don't worry about it and don't take it so seriously.
The first thing you need to do is ask why he's doing it. Why does he do it, and why does it bother you? The answer to both is instinct. You're placing your feelings and desires above his- that's either going to lead to unspoken seething or a weaponized relationship. Not good, either way.
If you really want to be the only girl on his mind, you're going to have to do some serious stepping up. Are you prepared to fill his world with yourself, to fulfill his every fantasy? To not merely step, but LIVE fully outside of your sexual and psychological comfort zones? That's a lot to ask of anyone. Far easier to train yourself to let the paranoia go.
If he is clueless and checking out other women in a very obvious way, you should bring it up.
"Honey, I know there are other attractive women, they are nice to look at, but could you do it a bit less obnoxious please as it makes me feel a bit insecure. I'm not saying you shouldn't, I just don't want to notice that you make a turn for them" Something like that, maybe a bit more polite and understanding.
Otherwise, be happy he checks women out, that means he's still got a healthy sex drive... as long as he comes to you, it is absolutely not a problem. It's not like you don't notice other men.
Go the opposite direction... when you see him checking out another woman ask him if he liked what he saw and ask what specific he liked. Then when you see a man that catches your eyes tell him what you liked.
Men and women are visual so don't fight it. That's how we do it... I know he isn't going to be banging her... its just part of sexuality that we are open about
Opinion
18Opinion
Honey, I beg of you not to listen to some of those guys.
They'll try to tell you you're being selfish or just having a "woman point of view" but it's NOT too much to ask that your partner stay true to you, physically and mentally. Lots of people try to say no one like that exists but that's just because they want the freedom to be able to do it themselves without judgement.
It's NOT impossible for a grown man (or woman) to choose not to ogle attractive people when they're in a relationship. And it's not selfish of you to want to be the only person your partner chooses to look at that way. If they want to ogle people freely, they shouldn't be in a relationship.
I think a part of it is him and another part is you. You need to get yourself to a place of feeling less insecure. Your relationship does not completely ride on attaction to other women. I think you need to partly work on building your self confidence.
For him, I think it might be a talk that honestly should happen after you gain more confidence in yourself. The more confidence you have the easier it will be to encourage him to listen to you.
I think once you are in a better place of self confidence, I think it will help you overall. I'd simply find some self help books and do a week of trying to get better at your self confidence
I read your replies to other comments and your previous questions about your boyfriend. The guy is toxic af. He is not ok with you going out with others while he doesn't find fault in ogling at other women. You're way too good for that guy. He doesn't deserve you. This is a classic example of a bad guy good girl. I don't know why he can't see your beauty but any other guy would appreciate your looks. Don't cave in for him. You deserve to be upset about it. He doesn't know how it feels because you clearly don't check out other guys. If this js the first time you talked to him about this, make sure he know how it makes you feel insecure. If you let it go, he will do it again. Checking out other women in front of you is disrespectful.
One girl told me this: if my man wants someone else, I will find him a girl. This is acceptance of your man, this understanding of him, this trust in him, this love for him. But you have to grow up to that. And the man must be appropriate. As it is, I don't see the point in trying to wind myself up because of other women. Let him do what he wants as long as he doesn't stop paying attention to you
Oh come on, I'm sure you've fucked plenty of other men and he's not whining about it. Meanwhile, you're over here "boo hoo, my boyfriend looked at another girl."
Is he supposed to blind himself? Can you read his mind and is he thinking "wow, I wish she was my girlfriend instead, she's way hotter."?
It's really quite egotistical to think that one's partner should never find another person attractive in the whole universe besides oneself.
People don't typically choose their partners ONLY because of looks. The fact that you're so insecure about him so much as admiring other women hints towards the possibility that you don't have anything else to offer besides your appearance.
Some men are just worse than others. They have wandering eyes. Like you said, it doesn't mean that he's going to do anything but it just means he has wandering eyes. I think the only thing you can do here is accept your man is one of them, and work on your confidence and self esteem so that it doesn't bother you.
At the end of the day, he's yours and thats all that should matter. Of course though, if you ever feel disrespected you should let him know.
You see, you have the classic woman point of view about it. A view saying that there can't be more than one pretty girl in the world, and that if your boyfriend check out other women, that means you're not pretty.
The thing is, there are hundreds of millions of pretty girls in the world, and you're one of them. Your boyfriend knows that, that's one of the things he loves about you, and him checking out other girls doesn't mean that, for him, you're not the prettiest.
In the end, he's with you, he didn't break up with you for any of these women. Which means that, for him, you're still the best.
Most men do that. It doesn't really mean that he doesn't see you as atractive as any other women, or even more. It's really just human nature.
When i see a girl i find hot, i tend to imagine her with my girl actually, pleasuring each other, it's a big turn on.
But my girl is always the best one.
So... he should look at you the same way
Haha :)
Put blinders on him like on horses 😊 unfortunately all men will do this , it’s just a reaction that they can’t help but he shouldn’t be staring at them or turning his head because that’s rude. You should tell him it bothers you
How does he check them out? Does he tell you how hot they are? Or flirts with them? If he does, then he is an idiot. He should respect you. However, if he just looking, then it is not wrong. We all look at pretty people, doesn't mean we are interested in them. Men are more visual than us women. But you should tell him that is bothering you.
It maybe in human nature to be attracted to other people, but as a boyfriend it should he in his nature to realise your insecurities and change his behaviour based so that you dont feel so horrible!
tell him how it makes you feel, if he cares he would try controlling this habit or urge
That is a question that we girls have been asking for a long time I dont know if there is an answer or not but, have you tried to train him
Does he do it right in front of you, or do you catch him trying to sneak? If you catch him that’s different then someone just not caring if you’re present.
It's not ok dump his ass. You need a man who only sees you as the apple of his eye. This guy is taking you for granted. You deserve better.
Start checking out other men. What's good for the goose is good for the gander!
of course when you check out your THOUSANDS of other options then that's fair play. It's a problem only when men do it.
You should resolve your insecurity.
Smack him in the back of the head, distract him with pain, that's what my ex-wife would do to me if she caught me checking out another woman
Do to back to him. Ogle other men when your with him, he'll get the message quick
Most Helpful Opinions