I thought girls check out other guys, too, even though they wouldn't do anything about it. The fact is that men's brains and women's brains are wired differently. This is simple fact. Guys live closer to the brink of arousal. We are programmed - programmed since we lived in caves - to find the sights and sounds of women attractive, exciting and stimulating. This is the reason why most relationships begin with the guy approaching the girl, to talk to her, get to know her and ask her out, rather than the other way around most of the time. This doesn't mean that it's an excuse for guys to act like animals in heat, although unfortunately some do! So guys will look at girls. It's a natural thing. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, or that he would leave you for someone else! Not at all. If he loves you and you have a great relationship, he wouldn't jeopardize what he has with you. So don't worry about it and don't take it so seriously.
The first thing you need to do is ask why he's doing it. Why does he do it, and why does it bother you? The answer to both is instinct. You're placing your feelings and desires above his- that's either going to lead to unspoken seething or a weaponized relationship. Not good, either way.
If you really want to be the only girl on his mind, you're going to have to do some serious stepping up. Are you prepared to fill his world with yourself, to fulfill his every fantasy? To not merely step, but LIVE fully outside of your sexual and psychological comfort zones? That's a lot to ask of anyone. Far easier to train yourself to let the paranoia go.
It bothers me a lot because I feel like when he is looking at them he sees them in a sexual way and thinking basically dirty thoughts not only that but I feel like it's because he finds her more sexually attractive than me and more exciting to look at
Because he can't have her
If he is clueless and checking out other women in a very obvious way, you should bring it up.
"Honey, I know there are other attractive women, they are nice to look at, but could you do it a bit less obnoxious please as it makes me feel a bit insecure. I'm not saying you shouldn't, I just don't want to notice that you make a turn for them" Something like that, maybe a bit more polite and understanding.
Otherwise, be happy he checks women out, that means he's still got a healthy sex drive... as long as he comes to you, it is absolutely not a problem. It's not like you don't notice other men.
True and to be honest I Don't check out other men. I'm to busy comparing myself to other women to be honest
Go the opposite direction... when you see him checking out another woman ask him if he liked what he saw and ask what specific he liked. Then when you see a man that catches your eyes tell him what you liked.
Men and women are visual so don't fight it. That's how we do it... I know he isn't going to be banging her... its just part of sexuality that we are open about
Opinion
18Opinion
Honey, I beg of you not to listen to some of those guys.
They'll try to tell you you're being selfish or just having a "woman point of view" but it's NOT too much to ask that your partner stay true to you, physically and mentally. Lots of people try to say no one like that exists but that's just because they want the freedom to be able to do it themselves without judgement.
It's NOT impossible for a grown man (or woman) to choose not to ogle attractive people when they're in a relationship. And it's not selfish of you to want to be the only person your partner chooses to look at that way. If they want to ogle people freely, they shouldn't be in a relationship.
That is what I was kinda thinking but if it's in their nature and if they can't help it then I have no choice but to change my mindset on it and work on building my confidence and security more
It does make me feel horrible though even though he said that he doesn't even notice that he is doing it
And that he would never do anything to hurt me and that he loves me and wants a future with me
It is kinda a turn off for me though specially when it's damaging me
It's in all humans nature to be bad people. Lol. That's why as mature adults you fight that bad behavior and put other people above yourself.
They CAN help it. Like I said, may will try to convince you men can't control it and that it's "unhealthy" for them to try to but it's just a manipulation tool to guilt you into staying quiet about your own (completely valid) feelings.
I promise you, there are guys out there who can and will choose to avert their eyes because they know their ogling eyes are for you only, likewise your ogling eyes are for him only.
I think a part of it is him and another part is you. You need to get yourself to a place of feeling less insecure. Your relationship does not completely ride on attaction to other women. I think you need to partly work on building your self confidence.
For him, I think it might be a talk that honestly should happen after you gain more confidence in yourself. The more confidence you have the easier it will be to encourage him to listen to you.
I think once you are in a better place of self confidence, I think it will help you overall. I'd simply find some self help books and do a week of trying to get better at your self confidence
I read your replies to other comments and your previous questions about your boyfriend. The guy is toxic af. He is not ok with you going out with others while he doesn't find fault in ogling at other women. You're way too good for that guy. He doesn't deserve you. This is a classic example of a bad guy good girl. I don't know why he can't see your beauty but any other guy would appreciate your looks. Don't cave in for him. You deserve to be upset about it. He doesn't know how it feels because you clearly don't check out other guys. If this js the first time you talked to him about this, make sure he know how it makes you feel insecure. If you let it go, he will do it again. Checking out other women in front of you is disrespectful.
One girl told me this: if my man wants someone else, I will find him a girl. This is acceptance of your man, this understanding of him, this trust in him, this love for him. But you have to grow up to that. And the man must be appropriate. As it is, I don't see the point in trying to wind myself up because of other women. Let him do what he wants as long as he doesn't stop paying attention to you
True,
I still need to mature just a little bit more and gain more security and self confidence. I think that's my main problem. I'm sure he does find me very attractive and probably rathers me over all of those other women that he checks out
I think it's just the way us women are
We want to feel special and like we are the most attractive lady even if we are not
Learn to appreciate yourself! Learn to love yourself! A man is just a means to understand himself. Happiness is in you and not in someone else. Don't waste your energy on jealousy, just live. But if he is a womanizer, then the choice is simple either you will be one of them, or he will constantly make fun of you and you will suffer because of this
I know it's more got to do with me than with him, it's in men's nature and I also know that I'm the only one that can make me feel happy and secure it's not up to my partner to do that and I definitely don't expect him to
I think it's mainly because in my last relationship I got cheated on and my ex used to check other women out also but looking at their boobs... in fact my ex even motorboated his friends boobs in front of me... I was really embarrassed and felt awkward at the time so I didn't really know what to say to them
But my current boyfriend doesn't do that thank god and we have a very strong relationship
Oh come on, I'm sure you've fucked plenty of other men and he's not whining about it. Meanwhile, you're over here "boo hoo, my boyfriend looked at another girl."
Is he supposed to blind himself? Can you read his mind and is he thinking "wow, I wish she was my girlfriend instead, she's way hotter."?
It's really quite egotistical to think that one's partner should never find another person attractive in the whole universe besides oneself.
People don't typically choose their partners ONLY because of looks. The fact that you're so insecure about him so much as admiring other women hints towards the possibility that you don't have anything else to offer besides your appearance.
First of all,
I never check other guys out,
Second of all I know it's in their nature,
I can't help the way that I feel,
I know it might sound silly to you but to some women it can actually really hurt them
I do or a matter of fact! I was just badly mistreated in the past if you must know!
Look if you have nothing nice to say,
Then I would rather if you took you're rude comments else where please!
I do have a lot more to offer than just my looks but yes it does bother me because I have been treated like shit my whole life
So take you're rude, smartass comments else where please!
You can get you're point across to me without the smart ass remarks and comments
And you're rude
Has you're mother ever teach you on how to have respect?
Probably not
Some men are just worse than others. They have wandering eyes. Like you said, it doesn't mean that he's going to do anything but it just means he has wandering eyes. I think the only thing you can do here is accept your man is one of them, and work on your confidence and self esteem so that it doesn't bother you.
At the end of the day, he's yours and thats all that should matter. Of course though, if you ever feel disrespected you should let him know.
You see, you have the classic woman point of view about it. A view saying that there can't be more than one pretty girl in the world, and that if your boyfriend check out other women, that means you're not pretty.
The thing is, there are hundreds of millions of pretty girls in the world, and you're one of them. Your boyfriend knows that, that's one of the things he loves about you, and him checking out other girls doesn't mean that, for him, you're not the prettiest.
In the end, he's with you, he didn't break up with you for any of these women. Which means that, for him, you're still the best.
Most men do that. It doesn't really mean that he doesn't see you as atractive as any other women, or even more. It's really just human nature.
When i see a girl i find hot, i tend to imagine her with my girl actually, pleasuring each other, it's a big turn on.
But my girl is always the best one.
So... he should look at you the same way
Haha :)
Put blinders on him like on horses 😊 unfortunately all men will do this , it’s just a reaction that they can’t help but he shouldn’t be staring at them or turning his head because that’s rude. You should tell him it bothers you
I did and he still does it :(
I feel like it's effecting our relationship and he is here sleeping on the other side of the bed while I'm pretty upset and low... no cuddle :(
Yeah weather and wearing masks makes it hard
Unfortunately,
Would love to wear something that would get his attention more, also I live with his family soooo I kinda stick to the clothes that don't expose much as it would be very disrespectful towards his family or at least that's how I feel
How does he check them out? Does he tell you how hot they are? Or flirts with them? If he does, then he is an idiot. He should respect you. However, if he just looking, then it is not wrong. We all look at pretty people, doesn't mean we are interested in them. Men are more visual than us women. But you should tell him that is bothering you.
It maybe in human nature to be attracted to other people, but as a boyfriend it should he in his nature to realise your insecurities and change his behaviour based so that you dont feel so horrible!
100% agree. "Human nature" should never be an excuse for anything, for men or women.
tell him how it makes you feel, if he cares he would try controlling this habit or urge
I did and he is now sleeping on the other side of the bed while I'm here pretty low and pretty upset... no cuddle tonight :(
I guess you could do things to keep his attention while out so he won’t look at other women, maybe if you dress more provocative and then he will be keeping his eyes on you and other guys from looking at you instead of looking at other women
Actually I meant to write that on my post not yours but it’s meant for her
Maybe so,
I do tend to cover up a lot because I don't like to show much skin and because the weather is pretty cold
That is a question that we girls have been asking for a long time I dont know if there is an answer or not but, have you tried to train him
I know it's not his fault, I confronted him tonight and now he is on the other side of the bed :( no cuddles tonight
how about no sex for a week? LOL
Haha
I just Don't want it to get in the way of our relationship though :( it literally makes me feel really low and like I'm not good enough because I'm not new to his eyes or fresh to his eyes... so he wants what he can't have
well you could always where pants that are kinda see through so he can see your ass and thong. He would be so glued to your ass that he will not look at other girls
Haha, I could but I'd say he would still be checking other women out :( mainly women with black hair I have noticed because he admitted that he has a thing for women with black hair
Or their ass or boobs i have also noticed
well how do you feel about dyeing your hair black
Not gonna happen haha I shouldn't have to dye my hair for my man to notice me :(
that is very true. Well maybe you should try women. lol
Does he do it right in front of you, or do you catch him trying to sneak? If you catch him that’s different then someone just not caring if you’re present.
He does it in front of me and sometimes I catch him
It’s disrespect to just do it in front of the person you’re with. No one who values there relationship stares at another gender with lust with no regard for there significant other that’s right there.
One time I caught him looking at this womans boobs that was right in front of him, another time I caught him checking out a womans ass right in front of me, also one time there was a woman in a supermarket with her partner also and he literally turned his head to the side but not only that when he seen them leaving, he was looking in that direction...
And in a shopping centre there was this woman that had a bit of skin showing and he literally walked back over to the side to check her out
Confront him and see what he says. His response should let you know all you need to know.
He says he loves me and wants a future with me which is great but I would prefer if he just focused on me more rather than the other women.
He is currently sleeping on the other side of the bed,
Usually he cuddles me
Anyone can say I love you. The word I love you is to often abused with little action. Confront him about how you feel about him looking at other women, love should cause him to respond positively.
I did and he just fell asleep after saying that he loves me and that he wants a future with me yet he's here sleeping on the other side of the bed?
How long have you been together?
Two and a half years
I'm living with him and his family
Does he always sleeps apart from you, like on the other side of the bed? Or is it once in awhile or different all the time?
It seems to be whenever I talk to him about my insecurities when it comes to other attractive women
Yea he probably upset with you. Just let it go for now. Next time just join in and make a comment sometimes like yea she got a nice butt lol.
I had to be honest with him and I don't understand why he would be upset?
Wait. Some of the ways he's checking out women with you there is sounds pretty suspect...
I've been with a woman that was really insecure, and that basically drove me away. On the otherhand, if I were checking out women purposefully in front of you; that means I'm just not into you any more and too chicken shit to say anything (based on a younger self).
But that's me.
How often do you confront him about this?
A few times, he said that he doesn't mean to do it and wouldn't do anything to hurt me.
I asked him does he think any sexual thoughts when checking them out. He said yes in a sexual way but that they are pretty that's it
Then he said that he loves me and wants a future with me
It's not ok dump his ass. You need a man who only sees you as the apple of his eye. This guy is taking you for granted. You deserve better.
Start checking out other men. What's good for the goose is good for the gander!
of course when you check out your THOUSANDS of other options then that's fair play. It's a problem only when men do it.
It's not a problem, It's more me that's the problem and I just want a way to deal with it in a healthy way when it happens because I'm pretty insecure about myself and I Don't check other men out
if you want to deal with it in a healthy way next time you catch him staring at other hot chicks call him out and ask him to bang you as rough as he would like to bang them. Say "I want you to fuck me the same way you would fuck those dirty sluts" see then how he'll get turned on by your confidence and forget about everyone else.
You should resolve your insecurity.
To be honest I'm not sure how too :(
Sometimes subtle other times not
Smack him in the back of the head, distract him with pain, that's what my ex-wife would do to me if she caught me checking out another woman
Do to back to him. Ogle other men when your with him, he'll get the message quick
Let me ask you a question, do you check out hot guys?
No I don't to be honest I just compare myself to other women
Demand he agrees to wear a chastity device. You keep his key.
No, he's a free man, he can do what he likes once he doesn't do anything to hurt me
punch him in the balls and dick or rip his dick and balls off his body
Check them out too. Makes it more fun.
By checking out other men!
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