Why does my boyfriend always check out other girls?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have a great relationship. When we very first started dating 6 years ago he had cheated on a couple times and we split up and then rekindled our relationship and he has then been such an an amazing boyfriend. But I am always catching him looking at other women. He tries make it sneaky and NEVER admits to it. But it’s way too obvious. He knows that I find it disrespectful and I call him out all the time but still continues to do so. He just says that he doesn’t check out other girls or that he doesn’t mean to. And it’s not like we don’t have a good sexual connection.

[Engageme]

Well I think this is one of those "could be" a few things that will all be assumptions from us because honestly he's the only one who knows. But, I'll offer some thoughts based on experience.

1. Most people (men and women) do compare the opposite and think about the opposite sex as a natural process. We are born with a hard wired brain that assesses many differences for breeding. We look for physical characteristics that represent good breeding genes (hips, lips, height, etc.). We do this regardless of we are aware. Women check out women too. We may not be competitive naturally but we instinctively check to see if another woman looks better than us. Men check out other men. You noticing him doing it could be that, indeed he's being obvious or it could be that you are unaware that you have honed in on it and can spot it a mile away! So it could be your eagle eye noticing what he's not even aware he does.

If it is you, try making an effort to not think about it and when you see a girl you "know" he's check out, look away instead of "catching" him. Do this a little while and you'll get out of that super in tune state and stop noticing so much.

It could be that he's still looking for better options. This makes us want to run thinking about because it threatens our happiness but the fact is, it's possible. He can be a wonderful man, loyal as hell but still in the back of his mind still not be sure he's found his forever girl. Women do this too. Doesn't make us bad people. We are human. I've been with 2 men who did this. One I divorced. I don't hate him. He just wasn't ready for forever. How can you blame someone for how they feel? We try but it's not right.

Since talk have been "dating" for so long without a wedding I'm thinking maybe the last is the issue. Maybe he doesn't think you are ready for commitment and he's thinking of what to do next? I don't know your situation but I'd say if you make him feel ashamed, he will never admit to you. You have to be completely open and accepting of ANY reply he gives. Even if it hurts, he has to feel safe telling you. He may really not realize he's doing it. But safely discussing it may allow him to realize WHY he thinks he's doing it so you know where to go from there.

Hope you will put your hurt away (i know it hurts, I've been there) and be loving and open and talk to him about it. Good luck to you both ❤️

[Asker]

You are so sweet, and so to the point! That answer actually helped a lot! Definitely made me think of it in a different perspective. Thank you. ☺️❤️

[Engageme]

You are very welcome!

[Gotcha_Writer10]

He playing you girl. Not only is he sneaky, but he's doing something that you have admitted you disliked without consideration to your feelings. Doesn't sound like a good relationship ship... And I wouldn't personally have taken him back. Most times than not, forgiving cheaters will just give them leeway to do it again. As they now have security that you'll forgive their infidelity. I'd tell you to drop him like a hot potato.

[Anon-ymous1]

She doesn't own him, or his eyesight. You sound ridiculous.

[Gotcha_Writer10]

True, but as a couple, reflecting on how ones actions affect your s/o is important. And depending on the context of "checking girls out" in her situation could be really rude on his part.

[Anon-ymous1]

Uh huh and that's nice and all, but her personal insecurities don't outweigh his basic desires just because she's female and he's male. That's crap.

[Gotcha_Writer10]

Never said it was because she was a female and he was a male. Plus she has reason to worry considering he's cheated on her before, and if he actually considered her feelings would try to make her feel more secure about their relationship. Instead, he continues his actions inspite of hurting her. And what, you'd be fine if you were with a girl who constantly checked out other guys? Wouldn't you want her to at least controll herself around you. Yeah people can think others are cute or attractive, but we aren't animals, you can watch your behavior. Just like a women should. Respect should be an equal play off. Though she seems to be easily manipulated by him. I'd say she'd be better off to finding someone else who suits her standards more in a relationship. As well as him being with someone more suitable to his trailing eye. No hate, but something's aren't for everyone.

[Gotcha_Writer10]

Traveling* not trailing

[Anon-ymous1]

Yeah, I'm not emotionally insecure and know that she's allowed to look where she wants. Wouldn't care.

[Gotcha_Writer10]

😤😧

[Gotcha_Writer10]

Would you talk things out if she was upset with you looking at girls all the time at least?

[Anon-ymous1]

Talk them out... how? What is there to talk about?

[Gotcha_Writer10]

Well it mostly depends on what your definition of looking implies. I'm referring to if a guy/girl was say... with their s/o at I don't know lunch. They are talking and a girl/guy casually walks by and your s/o eye's drift towards them and they blatantly watch them pass. Wouldn't that be a little rude to you? I mean, a quick glance sure, we can acknowledge beauty when we see it. But is downright staring really appropriate?

[Anon-ymous1]

... No. You don't own the other person, or their eyesight. If something like that makes someone legitimately that jealous and insecure, then they deserve to make a big deal out of it and have their SO break up with them because the other person doesn't want to be with someone like that.

[Gotcha_Writer10]

She does know him though, and he's cheated on her. Some insecurity is expected. And if anything, he doesn't deserve her of he's not even willing to try and build that trust first before he starts looking everywhere

[Anon-ymous1]

Uh huh... and if she can't actually truly get over that, and it sounds like she can't, then she needs to break up with him anyway. Holding something over someone's head in a relationship doesn't work and isn't healthy. Again, she. doesn't. own. him. Her insecurity is not his fault, and if she feels it IS his fault, and she doesn't want to deal with it, *then she can fucking leave him.*

[Anon-ymous1]

If they are going to actually stay together, then she needs to get over herself. Period. That's it.

[Gotcha_Writer10]

Her insecurity is his fault as he was the one to break the trust. Though their relationship seems toxic anyway, so I can at least agree with you that they should break up.

[Malita55]

I truly believe if he has cheated on her multiple times before, he certainly will again. Especially if he's still checking other girls out around her. If he was truly sorry, wouldn't he do everything he can to prove to her he is. Plus my point that i must state again. Yes he should be able to look at other women, but if it upsets his girl, why can't he just restrain from doing it around her and just do it when she's not around. Its really just a matter of respect

[Gotcha_Writer10]

Thankyou!!!

[Malita55]

I think its ridiculous that guys think its okay to check women out in front of their women. Like wtf dude, sure do it when she's not around but you're with YOUR girl. Respect her you dweeb.

[Tdieseler]

Next time you take him out... just put a blindfold on him. Matter of fact... i think all the insecure (yes i said it) women that think that shit... just put a blindfold on him. because that is the only way you will stop him from LOOKING at another woman.

[Tdieseler]

"... and i call him out all the time..."
there's your rub right there... you are just making it more fun. What would freak him out and probably stop it is if you encouraged it. but you women, you just see black and white. i forgot what i wrote to someone about this topic... its gotta be in one of my takes... about how a guy looks at another woman, NOTHING is going on in his mind, then you the girlfriend start going at him about the woman he looked at and even worse start comparing her to you... like "is it because she's prettier"..."is it because she has bigger boobs"... etc... all things that probably never crossed his mind... till you said it. Now he is thinking, damn... she WAS prettier... She WAS watever... and then he leaves you for her and you wonder why.

Lol... you women entertain me... start shit and then are surprised why there is a reaction. You want him to stop looking at other women... encourage it... and watch him panic stop.

[Asker]

You were unbelievably rude, but thank you. I’ll try the encouraging, I like that idea. 😈

[Tdieseler]

Unbelievably rude... lol... thats what the truth sounds like. I'll only take the blame for the fact that my delivery sucks... but my words are true.
And nice sarcasm by the way... i dont mind. Its not my person checking out other people... and if they do.. i check those people out with them... talk about doing things together. Rather than complain about somebody just LOOKING in a direction lol.

[Anon-ymous1]

Uh because 1) he's male and 2) he wants to.

That's it. You don't own his eyesight. Yes, please, PLEASE continue to "call him out" on it so that you can continue to show yourself to be the emotionally insecure person you are, and he will leave you and find a better girl. Please, for his sake. And read this.
People-- Your Personal Insecurities Are Not Someone Else's Problem or Fault ↗

[jabbahut]

He still has the right to look at other women, that doesn't mean he's disloyal, looking a picture of a women in a newspaper also isn't disloyal. It's completely normal for him to look at other girls in public even in a relationship, I do it also.

[Gopnik]

because he isn't gay, that's what men do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlZsGpWJmos&t=56s

[Gopnik]

to the girls who will dislike this, you can suck it if you disagree.

[Bikeboy]

We are men. We are visual. There is no big science to it. We just like to look at attractive women.

[Engageme]

Women are sometimes visual too. I'm a very visual person. More so than my spouse. It's not just men. Hell even babies are more prone to stare at pretty people. It's hard wired in us to visually look at those who seem to be good genetic breeding partners.

[Rolla78]

Guy's always look, but it doesn't mean that they are disloyal

[Nachowedgie]

Cuz he's disrespectful

[Kelly6]

All guys do that