Partner texted around 10PM saying he's on his way home and didn't come back until after 2:30AM. No explanation. How to deal with the situation?

[beenherebefore]

What would you do if your partner texts you around 10PM saying he's on his way home, mind you we leave in a place where there's barely any traffic and it takes max 30 min to get to one place to another, but doesn't come home until after 2:30AM. I pretended I was asleep because I didn't want to make a scene that late. Then around 7AM he leaves for a flight on a one week work trip. I'm not planning to text or start a conversation or even address the issue over the phone. I'm trying to stay calm and collected even though I'm livid and fuming inside. How to deal with this situation and how should I behave when he returns from his trip?

[SueShe]

You have several options here.
1. If he calls, don’t pick up the phone and let him wonder why.
2. You prepare a written catalogue of questions about his behavior and you leave it prominently displayed somewhere where he can see it. On the front page, highlighted in red and bold letters, you demand a very exhaustive answer in written to every single question.
3. If you have relatives or friends living nearby, write a note telling him you are away a few days and that you are ready to see him when he is composed and willing to give you plausible answers on his behavior.
That should bring the message across. Good luck.

[beenherebefore]

I did write a three page letter. No questions but saying mostly how I feel. I'm still not sure if I want to show him the letter or not.

[SueShe]

Yes, if you say nothing and let him get away with it, he will think that it is okay for him to manipulate you emotionally.

[katiesmuff]

What is so wrong with simply asking him! If he thought you were asleep I would guess he wasn't going to wake you to explain and leaving before your up for work! WELL guess he didn't have much time did he?

[beenherebefore]

I decided not to ask because I was so upset in that moment I felt that it was going to turn into a huge argument at 3AM and I didn't want that. Also didn't want to spoil the mood for his trip.

[Shiprex]

It could be innocent but there's a lot of unpacking to be done here. Why pretend your asleep instead of ask why he made you worried because you'd been waiting up for 3 hours and thought something had happened?

Say you were worried, anxious and wanted to be with them for the last night before the trip

HOWEVER, to me it sounds like they are on the way out of your relationship by being inconsiderate and not consoling you or recognising their inconsiderateness

[Finchie40]

The fact that he didn’t text you or tell you why he was going to be late is a huge red flag , it just shows he doesn’t truly care about your feelings , so why he is away on his trip , call him and have words with him and ask him why didn’t he call you , if his answer sounds like a bunch of bullshit , don’t await his return , Go have fun with your friends’ and be single.

[AI Opinion]

Aha! Lovebombing alert! 🌟 You're handling this calmly, and that's great. When he gets back, be as cool as a cucumber while addressing the late-night ghosting. Ask for an explanation in a calm and collected manner, and see how he responds. If you sense any red flags, trust your instincts and don't ignore them. 💌 Communication is key to keeping your love life from turning into a soap opera! If he’s worth it, he’ll explain himself and take you dancing under the Californian stars. 💃🌌

[EmmaMary]

Sounds very much like he stopped off to get his leg over with someone else... Simples

[Nauorbb]

Wonder if he went to a (paid for) girl…

[Sal_Monella]

Ask him if he got lost or had car trouble.

[beenherebefore]

He didn't drive yesterday.

[Sal_Monella]

Ask him who drove him home or did he walk?

[beenherebefore]

I'm sure he did not walk and most likely he took an uber on his way home.

[Anonymous]

You should just ask him.