Boyfriend coming home late?

[starrzglo]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for over 2 years. We live together for over a year. I know that he is not overly affectionate. Actually there is no affection unless it is sex pretty much. It just seems like he is treating me less and less like his girlfriend. Last night he did not come home til 3am. He rarely stays out late. He told me he was going to the fire department he is part of to hang there for a little and that's all he said. Usually he is home by 10. I have a problem sleeping when someone is not home and did not tell me they would be late because I don't know what's going on. So text him and ask if he is coming home. He says yes soon. When he got home I asked where he was and he said he met a friend for drinks. I asked why couldn't he have let me know. He says he has been out late with him before. That hasn't happened in a long time. I just think it is rude and makes it seem like something is going on when you don't tell your girlfriend where you are going. It especially makes me feel bad because I never get any affection from him so when he stays out late I feel like something is wrong, or he could be doing something wrong. I had an attitude with him last night and he acted like I was wrong. Am I wrong?

[blackwaterhattie]

Oh lawd, is your boyfriend a 33 year old Virgo who used to be in the Corps? Because he sounds JUST LIKE my ex. From the zero affection to the staying out until whenever without at least letting you know, to getting pissed when you get irritated with him for being a putz... I bet they are related somehow. Anyway, I know in the case of my ex that he wasn't cheating. I don't think his fidelity was because he was so invested in our relationship or because he respected me so much- it was more to do with the fact that he cherished his own personal safety so highly- and also, he's too lazy to put forth that much effort into anything. So maybe your ex isn't cheating, either. The lack of affection thing gets old, though. So does being treated like he resents you for caring about him, for worrying when he doesn't come home when he says.

To answer your question, I don't think you feeling like something isn't right is wrong. I don't know how this guy is in other regards, but I think if you feel like something is wrong, there probably IS something wrong. You are reacting to SOMETHING, some vibe or behavior that feels icky to you- even though when you try to verbalize it, it doesn't SOUND as bad as it FEELS. A dude doesn't have to be cheating or lying to be a crappy boyfriend. If he habitually withholds affection and marginalizes your feelings- he's a crappy boyfriend. If he has no follow-through and does sh*t with no regard for your feelings, he's a crappy boyfriend. I'm just saying.

I feel for you because I have been where you are. I dumped MY emotionally bereft and crappy EX boyfriend about a year ago. Since then I have dated here and there, and the way am treated now as opposed to the way I was treated then really opened my eyes. When I had something else to compare to, I was shocked. I found out that I actually wasn't the shrieking, whining, demanding harpy my ex made me out to be. Turns out I'm actually pretty reasonable and easy-going... All I was asking for from him was to be treated like I was part of our relationship too, and that I had a voice too. I wish you luck with your fella. It didn't work out with mine, but I'm smarter now, at least. Just because someone doesn't cheat on you, or steal your sh*t, or smack you around doesn't make him great. Just because someone isn't BAD, doesn't make him GOOD.

[bDizzie]

He definitely should let you know if he's going to be late. Anyways, if he is not affectionate and you want some affection, I'd reconsider the relationship. I'm very affectionate and a girl that wasn't into that would make me think she didn't like me and I would want to go find a more affectionate girl.

[martyfellow]

No, if he is rude to you, and keeping you in the dark about what he is doing, then you have a right to feel neglected. I wouldn't blame you for feeling a little suspicous, as well..usually guys don't stay out so late, do they, just to hang out?