What is or was your toxic trait (s) in a relationship?

[Simslover92]

For me it's codependency and I think it comes from not having my father around growing up. I didn't realize how much that neglect would stick with me in my adult years and into my first relationship, but it did.

It's part of the reason why we aren't together now. But I'm much better now than I was when I was in that relationship thanks to therapy.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

I was and still am known as that girl that has everything and I always got my life together.

Therefore, I was oozing with confidence to the point of being conceited.

Only my parents and siblings could stand me since they carried the same superiority complex I possessed.

I'm more intense in the business world and my operations were sometimes teased as "organized criminal underworld" which I welcomed as a compliment.

My husband no longer find my traits as toxic since he adapted and adopted similar styles.

He appears sweet yet he's my "mean machine" when he's needed to be.

[Pearl222]

Personally, I think for me it’s a fear of abandonment again stemming from childhood of not having parents around, especially dad emotionally. That’s why I tend to need daily check in or reassurance to feel secure.

[Simslover92]

Right. Same for me as well.

[Pearl222]

Same pinch. How did you learn to deal with it from therapy?

[Simslover92]

She made me realize I had the anxious attachment style and made me become more secure by doing exercises like writing down things I have been bottling up for years, writing a letter to myself and reading a book on self-love.

[Pearl222]

So do I, that’s why I journal as well…writing things down help me process it better. It’s a slow process of self discovery. Thanks for the advice 🙂

[Simslover92]

You're welcome! And indeed it is! 🙂

[ohsheeT]

With all the question I have answered of your this could be true .. I might be able to say the same thing for me

For the longest time I always wondered who I was after I meant him I realized who I didn't want to be. And I don't mean this in a negative way he was a good man

And for I can see positives coming from. What happen to to. Because I believe you a probably a very kind and loving person and that brings out the The deep intimacy and passion from you I think those are all positive treats

[exitseven]

I got really used to being alone and never having to answer to anyone or be responsible for anyone but myself.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[AI Opinion]

Helping people navigate relationships is my jam! 😎 We all have little quirks that can turn toxic. Sounds like you've done some amazing self-reflection and worked on overcoming that codependency thing. My past toxic trait? Probably over-analyzing everything. My brain's like a relationship detective that's had too much coffee! But hey, recognizing these things is half the battle, right? Keep shining, sounds like you're on a great path! 🌟✨

[Finchie40]

Mine use to be fear of abandonment after my one ex girlfriend cheated on me it hit me harder , because my trust for girls’ went out the window right after that , I ended up going through a whore phase myself after that happened to me , I then went to therapy to figure out why I was acting this way , amongst other things as well, Unfortunately most of my traits stem down from childhood , by having an asshole alcoholic father and being molested by an older women when I was 9 to 11 years old. Being molested by an older women actually made me a better boyfriend to girls’ because the only way I can have sex with a girl is if I feel her and I are in it for the long haul and not the short haul , I can’t have sex with a girl just for the hell of it , but unfortunately there are girls’ that can But my intentions is to only be with her and no one else if I have sex with her . Unfortunately a lot of females’ don’t believe me when I tell them this , because they assume I am just like every typical guy that’s out there. that treated them like shit and that cheated on them etc. So if a girl treats me like Gold , by making me her priority then she doesn’t have to ever worry about me cheating on her , if she treats me like shit, and starts withholding intimacy and affection from me , that’s where my abandonment issues step in and I will leave her ass immediately. I don’t tolerate girls’ trying to write Sucker on my head. If she isn’t giving to me the same or equivalent that I am giving to her , she is best to keep walking the other way because
My ads has already started after I said what I needed to say. If things don’t change for the better , I am out. My therapists has helped me tremendously , I honestly didn’t think it would work for me , but shockingly it did , She specialized in trauma therapy and I was blown away by how she was able to help me see things differently. I no longer have abandonment issues , and I no longer have an issue of a girl I am dating wants space from me , because I no longer wait for her return , just like my ex thought she could do to me , and now she is kicking herself in the ass for being a selfish person. I hate selfish people and do not tolerate selfish people , A relationship takes 2 people making each other their top priority over everyone else on this world , if you can’t do that for your partner , then do not get into a relationship period , stay single and selfish because you are wasting your time thinking someone is actually going to stand by your side if you are selfish , Mark my words

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

I'm surprised you formed this idea of toxic traits while undergoing therapy. Therapy I know of is supposed to make you more self-aware, not to think of yourself as toxic, as it's a powerful word and concept for the context. I mean it can even make you fear yourself. I don't think codependency is a toxic trait either. Like you, I believe that codependency is related to neglect in childhood, which you can't be held responsible for, since it's a parental shortcoming. I believe you're responsible for your self-awareness though, as an adult. But I digress.

I don't have toxic traits, no, I just have... Traits.

[Simslover92]

I mean I believe it can become a toxic trait when you become overly insecure and ask for constant reassurance from your partner. It can become draining for your partner. Which happened to my ex-boyfriend. I use toxic because that's what it was at the time but I'm in a much better place and would not use that word to describe me now.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

It can certainly drain, I've seen both sides of the track sort of, I've been feeling drained, and I... could have been draining but I was too afraid to show how much I needed her. Which didn't change anything I believe. Because, in my eyes, looking back, the result of needing someone so much seems to be that we're loosing sight of who they are and what they want from us. Which gives a very imbalanced relationship. Is is something you relate to?

[Simslover92]

Yes I definitely relate to that. Moreso draining my ex than feeling drained. And you're right. We are indeed losing sight of who they are and what they want from us when we do that.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

All right, then I bring good news, I'm the living proof that things can change a lot. I come from times where a girl meant so absurdly much to me that I was loosing sight of... Yeah, probably everything lol. As I was fully drowning into this insane urgency. 2 relationships later I was much better at handling the situation. I have to admit I also became a boring & depressed Buddha, the total opposite, for a while.

And then I became able to enjoy more balanced relationships, without sacrificing passion, just getting better, calmer with this urgency I felt. I still feel it, at times, but I'm also much more able to take a step back and feel safer, to get some perspective :)

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

@alice55 this conversation may be of interest to you 🫡

[alice55]

I've read it all and yes is it very interesting :)
So you were very symbiotic in your first two relationship and not so much after.
I think I would like a symbiotic relationship, I would feel very loved in those.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

There's a twist lol, it's not that I became less symbiotic after, it's that I became safer with myself after. I'm still forming symbiotic relationships, I can't do otherwise, I just got better with standing back, with feeling muuuuch more chill about it

[alice55]

Well it's symbiotic relationship but less intense? Moins etoufante.
It was a lack of self estem?

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Plus du tout étouffante, without the suffocating effect associated yep, and you know what, I think suffocation works both ways here: Her suffocating from my behavior is an obvious result (if I imposed that on her, which I tried to not do).

But I was suffocating from my own urgency to connect to her too!

Was it self-esteem? No, I wasn't lacking in this department, I think the source of this all is... A very good question for therapists 😂

[alice55]

Yes because you were forgetting yourself and losing yourself in the relations.

only they can know XD

[Orion84]

My toxic trait is that I don't trust anyone.

I never have, but I was able to make a concious decision not to let that be a problem. So, I forced myself to trust my partner, despite my better judgement, because I didn't want to be the guy with trust issues.

I've never gone through a partner's phone, never followed them, never questioned them, and never showed any external signs of my trust issues. I kept it entirely to myself. Even when I had reason to be suspicious, I overcompensated, and gave the benefit of the doubt.

Once that backfired on me, I see no reason to trust anyone, ever again. The only person you can count on is yourself. I doubt that I can even have another successful relationship, and see no reason to try.

[MrOracle]

Remember that when you hear someone say that there is no problem with being a single parent. There is a HUGE problem with being a single parent. Children need BOTH parents in their lives if that is as all possible, and if it's not, they are going to have trauma that will need to be dealt with before they can live a healthy life.

I can't stand the selfish, self-centered people who have no problem throwing away their kid's wellbeing just so they aren't inconvenienced. That goes equally for deadbeat fathers as it does thoughtless mothers and those who drive their man away. That's all despicable behavior that the children have to pay for.

[KostasKouvalis]

Me too. Especially excessive emotional and psychological support. I've lost many women because they got fed up with me constantly coming to them for emotional support. They want strong leaders who can support, comfort and protect THEM, not the other way around

[KostasKouvalis]

And the part about being scared of losing them

[Anonymous]

props to you for even going to therapy to fix that! most don't and continue the cycle. that is very commendable.

i think mine is giving the silent treatment and just waiting for them to figure out the problem, and also needing reassurance.

[dustybiker2]

Probably too honest. People don't always want honesty they want sugar coating so it's either honesty or I don't say anything and get it in the neck for that.. though easily read so not really. I refuse to sugar coat.

[WonderingManII]

I'm not sure if I'm toxic or not. I try to be a good person to everyone. But I do get upset if someone hurts me. Yeah I don't know.

[Simslover92]

You can be a good person and still have a toxic trait. Like me being codependent didn't make me a bad person, just really insecure and battling abandonment issues.

[WonderingManII]

My guess is everyone has some toxic traits they need to try to get over. But I don't know what mine is, I never could see a therapist to diagnose me.

[Simslover92]

Oh sorry. Hopefully you can someday.

[Iron_Man]

I can’t find your question on what is my favorite 90s song Do you have it the link?

[Simslover92]

What's one of your favorite 90s songs? ↗

[Iron_Man]

Thanks I have a joke song for you coming up

[Simslover92]

Ok you're welcome

[Iron_Man]

👍😊

[queenofcardio]

I can be skeptical about someone's intentions towards me based on past experiences..

[Caroline91]

I'm not particularly toxic and don't tend to choose toxic people to be around.

[beenherebefore]

Jealousy, insecurity, immaturity/inexperience.

[MannMitAntworten]

Not necessarily a toxic trait towards them but can be a detriment for myself … I can be perhaps too trusting of my significant others.

[iFarted]

It could be that I could be insensitive to her problems/issues she's dealing with. I don't get bothered by too many things and it comes off as insensitive and not caring.

[Shiprex]

For me it's probably a lack of boundaries and being emotionally stoic.

[hello4433]

I kept them close when I should let them go. It wasn't good for my own health

[qwerty2469]

Always being right. About everything. That is toxic to a failure.

[Anonymous]

I never had a relationship, so I don't know.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Codependency isn't toxic

[Simslover92]

It is when it involves an unhealthy reliance on another person for emotional validation and self-worth, often leading to self-neglect and enabling harmful behaviors. I was very much this in my relationship with my ex. It destroyed our relationship.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Wow! I'm not gonna touch that

[Simslover92]

What do you mean?

[Bklynbadboy12]

Cause you know i dont agree with you. Your making it seem like it was all your fault and it wasn't

[Jennz6]

Therapy is good

[LiaRaven]

Arrogance

[dudeinohio]

Sorta kinda same trait here.

[Account]

I have trust issues.

[Anonymous]

I try to be not to toxic

[79CupOCoffee]

Tend to be jealous.