—Because I’m routine, I like things to be done with a plan and in a certain way. When the plan gets ruined, not by natural instance, but because the person tries to be spontaneous or lazy and change it, that irks me. I am open to improvement but I am not a fan of change itself.
—I’m dominant and it can come across as controlling because of how good I am at running things. I don’t consider myself bossy nor a control freak but as I said above, I like my plans and routines and I want someone who can support or improve them. The only ones who dont see me as controlling are the few doms who like dating other doms OR the subs who full on agree to remain subs. (None of this is referring to in the bedroom by the way). Subs who long to be dominant, Doms who long to be the only dominant, and Switches who like to randomly be dominant are the only ones who can't seem to handle me.
—I don’t apologize unless I truly SEE with proof that I’m wrong… but even then I’ll likely say “my bad”. Its my half assed apology because even though I accept that I’m wrong, I likely don’t like the person enough to genuinely say sorry to them. And sometimes I say sorry without realizing. Like if a person bumps into me, I’ll say sorry as a reflex. But then I walked away like dammit that fcker didn't deserve those two words 😂
—For a highly critical person (I mean I spent a lot of life critiquing English papers and playing film critic to films) yet I don’t have the guts to criticize my partner when needed. I’ve seen constructive criticism backfire too much and I can’t even handle receiving it myself in a relationship nor friendship. I can take it from a boss, teacher or stranger but not from people closest too me because deep down I guess I prefer walking on egg shells. I prefer not to speak my full mind because I could easily hurt someones feelings. So I choose my words and timing wisely around those closest to me and I don't know why I expect the same sensitivity from those closest to me in return, because I never get it. In relationships, I hate repeating myself. So I’ll remind you to correct something maybe once a month. But once I tend to have to do so once a week, I regret biting my tongue. I start to feel like I’m easy to be walked all over. And to show Im not, I eventually reach a point of no return in the relationship and I just let loose. I call it the “theres no going back” moment. I will hurt a mfs feelings and just not give a shit because I’m done at that point.
Not that it matters much, especially to those who don’t care for zodiac shit, but I am an Aquarius Pisces cusp with a virgo everything else. Thats like saying I’m mean/judgmental, sweet/sensitive, and perfectionist/judgmental. I try to remain Pisces (sun sign) sweet and sensitive while my Virgo (moon and rising) perfectionist/judgmental side occasionally creeps out. But the moment I’m done with you, I go full on Aquarius (main sun sign). We are not afraid to be alone and will easily show and remind you that we don’t need you.
As a kid, Rachel was my favorite character in FRIENDS. I couldn’t stand Monica. But growing up, I realized i’m a lot more like Monica and would probably date someone a tad more submissive like Chandler 😭
I tend to base my value on my performance. If I believe I have done well, I believe (subconsciously) that I have "earned" love and feel like I can accept it. If I have fallen short of what I think I should have accomplished, I don't feel worthy of love and tend to not believe I am still loved apart from my performance.
Yes, that's super messed up and I am working through it. The irony is that I have tons of grace for other people. Just not me, LOL.
@TheRealPepperPotts I mean... that means you're the type to put in effort almost always in the relationship. It's that constant self reflection. I wouldn't exactly call that toxic 😂 It just means you're an empath.
I can be petty. I don't share my food if she didn't want to order anything after asking her before I left for food. If she's telling me that she's not hungry, but I am and I order a meal for myself, she can try to get something from my plate, she isn't getting any. I hate it when people change their minds on a whim want things to be crystal clear between us. If you suddenly get hungry, too bad, and I'll happily take that glare from you while eating. I want clear communication and it has to be either A or B, not A that could become B later, no. Go order your own food. Shoo.
I'm hard on myself and have trouble with compliments. I came from a household that was abusive. After going through hell, praise from them felt fake. "Good job son, great work Yeah!" But in my head I did what I was told, to survive and get through the day in peace. If I do something for her and she thanks me, she means it but my feeling about it doesn't change. It's like I don't care about the gratitude, like I am numb to it sometimes. My mind can go Yeah Whatever. And if I am not happy with my performance, it doesn't matter how much praise I get. You can't convince me if I haven't convinced myself yet.
Damn other than the abuse part, that pretty much sounded like I wrote it. I really relate to this. Completely agree with you on the food thing too. I don't play games with that 😂
Being very good at predicting and making assumptions about them or what they’ll say or do that their actions aren’t ever as raw or original or deep as they should be since every person has their unique original thoughts, speech, caricatures and action
For example: because I may jump to conclusions that I’m usually right on I lose the chance of knowing more beyond than just my partner’s sentence structure like more of her old choice of words, her dialect, conviction, and a whole other world that I’ve not yet encouraged her to open up to me about
I feel like we answered this question over the weekend, right? Hmm...
Basically, I'm toxic to myself for giving too many chances to folks who don't merit my time or attention. It's a weird sort of thing... because I'm allowing myself to be emotionally drained by a person... and also enabling them through my own actions.
It's ok. The other question I answered that I'm too up front... that guys tend not to appreciate actual honesty. But I don't think that's actually a toxic trait.
I notice my seconds/third chances are never full fair chances. Gosh i hate the word chances since that was the name of the last bastard I dated. Chance didn't even deserve a first chance. But anyways, I’ll allow a person fully into the gates first chance. Second chance, I only let a foot through the door. If they piss me off, I’m stomping that mf foot so they’ll fall backwards out the door. In other words, the first time around, I trust until you give me a reason not to. The second time around, I don’t fully trust you but I’m starting you off with a bit of it. Third chance, I don’t trust you and its up to you to earn any/all of it back. But tbh, i don’t really give 2nd nor 3rd chances anymore
@DizzyDesii It's true. To put it a different way, if a dog bites you, you think twice about being around that dog. The more it snaps and barks at you, the further away you choose to stay from it, till finally you don't stay anywhere near it at all. Same goes for a toxic guy...
I've always given three chances to everyone regardless of the type of relationship, but now that I'm older and don't have the patience to endure a guy's nonsense anymore, I'm reducing it to two chances (three red flags). At the sign of the third red flag I have to call a spade a spade...
I wouldn't say toxic but I tend to want to live my life in a positive mood most of the time, so if the person is drag on that I tend to either let them go, or just be straight forward and tell them they are a drain on my happiness.
I guess I can be somewhat forward about this but I tend to be a positive person in their life which can be somewhat an overall benefit to them.
I guess I believe in getting even and that's my most toxic trait because I hate treating people well and getting screwed over.
I am bit moralistic and Judgy. Trying to fight against those
I also tend to hold my anger in to keep peace and then blow up at the most inconvenient times which I've learnt now that's it's just best to walk away when am being taken for granted instead of just putting up with people shit and hoping for a better tomorrow
I overthink and my initial thought has always been correct so I punish myself by second guessing.
I'm not good with words in the moment. When I need to get something across it sometimes takes bit for me to word it so everyone understands where I'm coming from.
that no matter what i always have a feeling in the back on my mind that she will just cheat on me like my past relationship's. no matter how much i know that she won't that thought is still there.
Being a bit to much of a people pleaser to the point where it's hard to talk about my needs sometimes. Fortunately she knows that and is able to pull me out
Too quick to pull the trigger on ending it. I have zero tolerance for manufactured drama, and if I even suspect she's being shady I end it. I should perhaps be slower on the draw.
I’m stubborn. Will analyze issues and bring more logic than emotions at times. Have an addictive personality and tend to prioritize God and my family over a relationship until I trust her.
Must mean that your fam has never truly broken your trust. My fam began betraying me once i stopped spoiling their materialistic cravings. At that point, they’d put anything and anyone over me. Their love language has always been receiving gifts. Mine is words of affirmation and quality time. After they showed me their true colors time and time again, it became quite easy to put any boyfriend over them. They can't stand it as they feel blood is thicker than water (family over relationships). However, they think money is thicker than blood. So i owe them no loyalty and show them no loyalty. God comes first over all of the above though
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