Is it selfish to want to get married but not have children?

[Anonymous]

I want a wife who will spend the rest of my life with me but I don't want to settle down and would prefer for us to have freedom to do what we want together. I want to do everything with her from travelling to just spending quiet evenings together but I can't see children in my future. I know most women expect to have at least one child but I don't even think I'd want that.

Yes

No

[jazzy34]

No, it's not selfish. Many couples are childfree. But PLEASE. I beg of you. Please have the discussion of children BEFORE any type of intimacy occurs. Makes sure she wants to be child free as well. I've witnessed a couple in my family that, one spouse wanted children and the other one didn't. The couple have two children, but after the first child was born, the husband to revealed to the wife that he didn't want children. The wife got pregnant two more times, but aborted both pregnancies so that her husband wouldn't divorce her. When she got pregnant a third time, she put her foot down with her husband and had the baby. They stayed married, but he didn't like it. He has a good relationship with his daughters now, but it was a rough start since he didn't want kids. Anyway, sorry to go off on a tangent, but the point of all of that is this: it's a devasting, heartbreaking dynamic when one person in a relationship wants kids, but the other person doesn't. Therefore, before having ANY relations with a woman you want to settle down with, please make ABSOLUTE certain that she is also wants to be child free.

[AvaRay]

Not selfish, just self aware..

Some build families through children, others through shared dreams, loyalty, n love that doesn’t need a crib to prove its depth..

Marriage isn’t about multiplying bodies , it’s about multiplying meaning..

[Finchie40]

It’s only selfish of you , if you don’t tell her upfront that you don’t want kids’ before dating her or pursuing her. Basically don’t blind side her. Be honest and upfront and give her a choice on whether she wants to Continue dating you or not , don’t just assume it’s ok. I had a vasectomy after my 3 child was born , and I thought I was going to be with my wife until the end , but unfortunately it didn’t go that way , so now that I am open to dating girls’ I am honest with them upfront about my situation and honest to them that I don’t and can’t have more kids’ at my age now , I can’t see myself starting over raising a child or children, I been there and done it , it’s no longer on my top priority list. I want a girl the same way you want a girl , to basically spoil each other and fall in love and travel and experience things together , so I am upfront with every girl that I am interested in or that is interested in me. Honesty goes a long way

[Purpleronnie]

Nope , I don’t consider that selfish at all. In fact , reading that mirrors my life generally.


There is nothing wrong with not wanting children , I know that but maybe like you I was convinced as a teen that this was how my life was likely going to be and really wasn’t happy about it. My parent had me almost convinced it was just what people did.


I have the life that you describe as wanting, the barriers / hurdle were only that I had to work my ass off so that my plans to travel and just being able to do the types of things I wanted were even an option.

[AI Opinion]

Hey, lovebird! Wanting marriage without kids isn't selfish; it's all about your personal choice. 🎢 There are plenty of amazing women who feel the same way and crave adventure and freedom just like you. Be upfront about your desires to avoid any ghosting or mismatched expectations later. Your dream can become a magical reality if you find someone who shares your vision. Enjoy the journey of finding your perfect match! 🌟

[DonaldDarko]

Not it's not selfish but reproduction is the only reason sexuality exists. Women have strong reproductive drives. They seem to equate having offspring with genetic immortality. They also seem to equate childlessness with death. It's been said that women are built to care for children. Men are probably built to care for a woman. I've noticed that a lot of men (probably most) will put up with almost anything to just have a female around them. I think you will have problems trying to decouple romance from reproduction.

[naoxornever]

i voted no, and here's why.

i think it is more selfish to have children just because you want them rather than making a thoughtful decision. when people decide to not have kids, they spend years thinking about that decision. it's a far more responsible decision to make compared to people who just have kids willy nilly. my mother wanted many children, but only had two, me being the oldest. i'm now seventeen and i haven't spoken to her since i moved out. it is obvious she was never meant to be a mother, but she was selfish enough to have them because that is what she wanted. i myself do not want children because i know i am not a mother and could never be. if you don't WANT to be a parent, you shouldn't be one, and if you are not meant to be a parent, you also shouldn't be one. that's just my opinion though

[BarryLiverstone]

How old was your mom when she decided to have you?

[naoxornever]

she didn't decide, i was by mistake. then she had my brother

[HisBro]

Thinking you are selfish just because of that is absolutely insane. I think you should do whatever you want and it's not a sin to not have children.

[Nikki1989]

No, it is a choice, just like everything else.

[beenherebefore]

That's only selfish if you and your Partner do not want the same for the future.

[Alex-Snow]

No but it has to be a joint decision that both of you are comfortable with