Why do men say it's not their responsibility for their girlfriend's or wife's well-being and then get mad at the woman for breaking up with them?

[Anonymous]

I just saw a post about a guy blocking his girlfriend of 2 years because she asked to move in or to help her find a new place. There are a lot of cases of guys being incompetent and making the woman work harder in the relationship. A lot of pregnancies and afterbirth divorces, too. I feel connected to this, too. It's like the men stay for the highs in the relationship and the little arguments, but when it comes to life altering stuff, they decide they don't really love us and leave. If you wanted a friends with benefits, just say that. It's a level of responsibility being a boyfriend or a husband. When you have the means to help, you help because you have a special love for that person and it's supposed to get stronger as you get to know them. You're supposed to have her back when everyone else doesn't. In order of who she's suppose to run to, it's God, you, her parents, her friends and somewhere in-between somebody should advise a professional (stranger, if both of y'all can't handle it). You've proven that you're not to be trusted. Why does she have to stay, what happy memories can outweigh abandonment and betrayal. It's no repairing it, even if she tells you, you're fine. The trust level will never be the same.
It's a blessing for a woman to find out what kind of man she's dealing with before she has his baby or make any life decisions. It's equally a blessing for women to see the signs and act before it's too late. Women can do this too, yes, but I see men complaining like they weren't the cause of the breakup. I'm not saying that they shouldn't respect your boundaries, but everything should be in context. Especially if something comes up unexpectedly for both parties. If you don't want to live with her after 2 years of dating maybe it's time to be honest with yourself and break up.

[Anonymous]

AI isn’t a real man. Ever think if men all seem to be the same, that maybe they’re wired this way. Maybe they’re created this way. It’s not like the men of this world got together collectively deciding let’s be unavailable emotionally, not show sympathy or empathy, etc, etc. Even men in other countries are similar to men in the US or whatever country. I mean I’m no brain surgeon or scientist but I understand most women are emotional, tend to have irrational thoughts, can’t really think logically. So maybe, just maybe that’s how women are created. Most men aren’t saying why can’t women be like us men, be strong physically, mentally, not cry, stop being emotional. Why can’t women be logical. Maybe because we understand as women you’re different than men. Amazes me how women seem to think their feelings automatically take precedence over which gender is right just cause they can express their emotions better than men. Maybe you’re just weak? I bet you don’t like when I respond w that answer.

[Asker]

That has nothing to do with the question tho

[Opinion Owner]

Actually it does. It’s not a man’s responsibility to take care of your well-being. It’s yours. Accountability. Women should never expect a man to make her happy, she need to make herself happy which makes everything else better. If she’s mad cause she never finished school or whatever the issue is she needs to resolve those issues. I don’t understand why it’s men’s jobs to ask women out, make them happy, pay for everything, etc, etc, etc. Maybe at least take reality for your own well-being, your own happiness.

[Asker]

Actually it doesn't because you're mentioning women in general when I'm talking about women who realize that their partner is a weight in their life or does not have good boyfriend/ husband traits and she decides to take accountability by leaving.

Even your example is off because if she does go back to school, it's going to change the dynamic of the relationship ( maybe she'll have less time to be with the boyfriend because she's studying and doing classwork)
So it's not like the partner isn't affected. The boyfriend shouldn't get mad at his girlfriend for breaking up with him because he didn't want to work around her new schedule.
That's what I'm trying to say.

[Opinion Owner]

No he shouldn’t get mad but at the same time he doesn’t need to work around her schedule if he doesn’t want to. He just needs to leave. What you speak of isn’t just men. A lot of men work hard as well who come home to a girl who doesn’t do nothing as far as cooking, cleaning, even when she’s not working. As much as you like to think it’s just men who stay around for the highs, it’s women as well.

[Asker]

That's why I said it isn't gender specific but I see more men complaining about the bad woman leaving instead of being happy that she left him when she did like the women are

[Opinion Owner]

You see more men cause you’re a female. You’re looking at it through the lenses of a female. You’re not looking at it from a neutral point of view.

[Finchie40]

Well he sounds like a selfish POS if he doesn’t have his partners’ back , She is best to run the other way if she encounters a douchebag like that period. When I get into a relationship with a girl , she becomes my top priority , when her and I are a team working together , I only date girls’ that have my back like I have hers , otherwise she is just a waste of time and more than likely just using me for her benefit , Why I only date independent girls’ that know how to take care of themselves that do not need my wallet for them to get by, , I like
Girls’ that know the concept of money and know the concept of paying bills. We both value and respect and love each other because we both know we have each others’ backs of something bad happens. That’s what having a partner means , if a partner doesn’t have your back , they aren’t a partner period, they are just a user only liking the convenience of you and what they can receive from you , kick them to the curb where they belong

[Nikki1989]

Many men like to take the freedom from obligation approach. It is an attitude you hear about all the time, especially on websites like this one.

[AI Opinion]

I'm here to sprinkle some perspective, straight from the relationship trenches! 🕵️💕 Relationships are like a two-player game, and both players need to be in it for the win. When guys feel it's not their "responsibility," they might be ducking away from the emotional investment and commitment the relationship deserves. The thing is, it's crucial to support each other, especially during the tough times. If a dude can't handle the heat or chooses to ghost, it's a glaring neon red flag waving vigorously. Trust and communication are the foundation, lovebirds. If they crumble, the relationship house won't stand. The blessing? Discovering these misalignments early saves you heartache later. You deserve someone ready to step up, not step away! 💪❤️

[Asker]

Even AI gets it
Like Hello guys
Use your head

[Summeroflove]

Not all men do this and plenty of women leave relationships and are one sided too. It’s people who are narcissistic or selfish.

[mysteriousNicholas]

I guess some men only want one thing 🛏️. and it's shameful they only want one thing.

And then like that Spider Man quote "do what you need then broom her" 🧹 for another broad aka - the evil Goblin man was trying to say to his son "they're all beautiful, women, but you know,

They're all a dime a dozen - so many fish 🐠🐟 in the sea

That's why some folks out there only believe in open relationships or casual sex relationships / or no monogamy / or they just use people for as long as the love lasts lol lovemaking lol more likely

[Jammannn]

I think part of the issue is that women rarely show care or compassion for men’s wellbeing. Young men take their own lives at four times the rate of young women and when we look at cases like mass shooters, their stories almost always trace back to isolation and rejection. They’re people who just wanted a chance, but never got one.

The female gaze often only values strength, confidence, and status. That’s why men, after breakups, go to the gym or chase success because they know kindness toward men is conditional. Most guys stay in relationships even when they’re unsure, because deep down they know if they leave, they go back to being invisible.

[Asker]

I'm not talking about single men or men who stay in the relationship because they're scared to leave. I'm talking about boyfriends and husband that'll allow their girlfriend or wife to struggle even tho they have the means to help or be some kind of encouragement. Those men don't deserve to be upset at the woman for leaving them. Why didn't they care to help them?

[Jammannn]

Well, if we think about the structures that leave men with little support, it’s clear there’s an expectation that men are already on equal social footing. We’re past the old ‘helpless woman needs a man’ narrative, yet women aren’t always extending kindness or care even when they could. So why should it be assumed it will be given?

Imagine the reverse: a woman asks, My partner can’t support himself should I stay or leave? The narrative is almost always, ‘You deserve better. Now imagine that person who is incapable of taking care of themselves leaves you because you wouldn't support them? That reeks of entitlement.. Of course some would find that frustrating.

[Asker]

Two things :
1. I used an example in my post, but most of the time, it's not financial stuff, it's health problems and mental problems. Stuff that pops up and occasionally stuff men knew about, and we're fine with until they actually have to deal with it.
If the girlfriend/wife wasn't caring for their boyfriend or husband, he should of left earlier, so that's a non factor.
When I talk about these breakups, I'm talking about her experiencing trouble and him letting her struggle
Nothing else counts before that.
2. Having said that, I would say the woman is in the wrong too. As long as the man's trying his best, she should be there to support him.
As long as she's trying her best, she should have support.
If people don't want to have partner responsibilities, they shouldn't ask for the title.

[Jammannn]

1. Your first example was a guy not letting her move in, no one owes anyone free rent.

“her experiencing trouble and him letting her struggle” idea do you really think women extend care to a man if he's not initially presenting as attractive/confident? That’s a blatant double standard.

“Trying their best”? By whose metric? If you can’t take care of yourself at your best well you've got issues and dating isn’t your priority nor will it fix them.

[Asker]

1. I didn't mention her living there for free, you assumed it
And why not mention the other examples
It's like y'all only focus on one thing

2. Why is it a man? a woman? No I'm not talking about a regular man
or a regular woman I'm talking about lovers, the person you're dating because you want to spend the rest of your life with them
The person you're in love with.
You're not treating with love if you let the struggle when you can help
That's why women are single and not having kids
It's like pulling teeth to ask for your partners help when you need backup
Partners, not a regular man or regular woman
Who cares what people outside the relationship think
The only people that matter are your partner, you and anyone y'all create together
y'all are supposed to be together or striving to be together but y'all men are letting 1 half of you struggle and expect that she stays.
No one says women can't be wrong too
It's not gender specific, it's qualities of a good partner

[Jammannn]

It’s a fair assumption from the statement “let me move in” or “help me find a place” isn’t partnership, it’s delegation. There’s no we in that sentence, just “do this for me.”

Love can absolutely be one-sided. If one person is viewing it as “forever” and the other sees it as casual, you’re not talking about neglect you’re talking about mismatched expectations. You can’t generalize that all men are failing as partners when many of these dynamics were never partnerships to begin with.

What you’re describing usually happens when there’s a gap in mutual interest or perceived value. A man might entertain something physical without emotional investment, while she’s projecting commitment. That’s not cruelty, it’s incompatibility. If standards were adjusted toward men actually seeking connection instead of status, you’d find plenty who’d give everything to their partner.

You’re framing love as unconditional provision but in reality, both sides expect competence and reciprocity. A struggling man rarely gets the same grace as a struggling woman. So if we’re talking about “good partners,” let’s be honest about how uneven that expectation really is.

[Anonymous]

by admitting men are responsible for their girlfriend's wellbeing is also admitting he should have power over her because with great power comes great responsibility and vice-versa

if a woman refuses to submit to her man's authority in the way man submits to God's authority, he should not be blamed for things that go wrong in her life

[Asker]

No, they both have the same responsibility for their partners' well-being
It's not a gender thing it's a partner's duty within the relationship
So that relationship dynamic doesn't apply here

[Opinion Owner]

if this is the case, then why do so many women, especially feminists bring up the term "man-keeping"?

seems to me there's a huge disdain amongst performing their role in the relationship that men aren't allowed to have any grievances with theirs but to "man up"

[Asker]

So I never heard this term before but I looked it up... and got some examples from the videos
And I am looking at it from my view
I can't control anybody else
Here's my opinion:
The examples given are mixed and need to be split
It's certain things you should know how to do as an adult, that you should be doing for yourself while single. Such as creating your own doctors appointment, doing laundry and cooking. If you don't know how to do the basic to survive, that's man-keeping for me.
However teaching someone a new way to do something or live is not man-keeping that's learning and growing within life and it so happens that the teacher is your partner not a stranger, family, friend or the internet.
Any woman would be happy to help their lover out.
But when the relationship is new or shaky and her love isn't being reciprocate correctly, she'll start to analyze your actions based on 3 things

1. Time-when are you asking or talking to her about these things
When she's in pain? When she already has other important stuff on her mind? When she finally's relaxed?

2. Simplicity- is it something you could have asked someone else? is it something you could have looked up? was it something important or could you wait (in their eyes)
The ones who are bringing up these terms don't see it as helping, they see it as picking up their partners slack and still carrying their own

That's why I'm more focused on why men are mad when women realize that's how their partner's feels.

3. Repetitiveness- how many times have you been in this situation before, how many times have you asked?

[Asker]

Overall "man-keeping" and "weaponized incompetence" go hand and hand
It's just a sub term that women can only use, and they're adding their life experiences to judge you.
The woman doesn't find you attractive anymore, that's why they're complaining and that's why they leaving, but they've done it so many times that they see a pattern and they don't want to be apart of it and want to warn other women about it.
If she is a Good woman, the problem wasn't the responsibility, it was the reciprocation and intellectual differentiation

No one wants to be around a stupid person who thinks they deserve it all and wants to control you or thinks they're superior because of their gender

[Asker]

Oh and man-keeping is a play on
"This is what women have to keep a man"
It's no way to keep a man
The man's gonna do what he wants anyway

[Opinion Owner]

the use of "man-keeping" and "weaponized incompetence" are all anecdotal and unverified and both sides will deny wrongdoing or false exaggerations

one thing I do know is that a man who is in a relationship always has something going for him. if he's short and ugly, he makes up for it with money. if he's broke he can make up for it by being hot therefore it's unlikely for a man to be as lazy as women accuse them of being

meanwhile a woman can have absolutely nothing going for her and a man can absolutely tolerate her even to the point of her disrespecting him or disrespecting his family

men as a whole still somehow see it as their responsibility to take care of women even if it means getting shitted on. look no further than all the women chanting "defund the police"

at the end of the day it's all about lust. "man-keeping" and "weaponized incompetence" would never be used against attractive men because women let them get away with anything e. g. Luigi Mangione. it's only unattractive men who refuse to simp that get attacked with that label

[Asker]

Yea, but let use logic for a second
If she's rich and doesn't desire more money that's just a maintenance standard even if she's ugly she values her partners money, the same as her own. She has the right to keep her standard, but if she chooses to lower her maintenance standard that's on her. And if people realize she's lowering her standard, then it would be smart for them to take the risk of asking her out because she might say yes. However she might be lowering her maintenance standard for another reason.
We're all assuming that she's doing it because of blah blah blah, outward appearance, money trail whatever... but we don't really know until we ask
And then that becomes data and research and freaking stats that makes subjective stuff, objective

The problem with today's society is human nature
You have so many opinions out there, but we listen to the ones we like and then argue with the others
That's what science calls bias behavior
Some people try to step out of it, but we're always going to bias towards a topic until someone hits us with a point of view that resonates with us.
Feelings are subjective, views are subjective, worth is subjective
You can't control anyone's actions, but people are trying to and some are succeeding.
What you're talking about is peer pressure from other men and women they idolize or want to be with.
If they don't like it, they don't have to take it. I believe society's is going to keep going in this direction.
Either falling into peer pressure or being alone and venting about it.

[Opinion Owner]

women don't lower their standards. they just elevate other factors instead. when asked if they'd date an ugly guy, women would either say "no" or "yes" but followed by an "if" not a "yes" by itself

subjective or not, there's always a noticeable factor in play that draws a woman to a man who is at least superior to her in one way or superior to her ex's in at least one way too or multiple ways

yes people can chase after whoever and break away from whoever for whatever reason without a valid justification. the dating market isn't meant to be fair

the point still remains that men still have to hold onto their traditional masculine role especially in the initial stages like being the first to approach, pay on the first date (or every other date) and put his life on the line if she were to be attacked to demonstrate he can protect and provide while all his personal info e. g. his job, finances, assets and hobbies must be an open book for her to judge

whereas women (even feminists) rarely hold their traditional feminine role and there's no obligation for her to demonstrate she can cook, clean etc. and her personal info e. g. her body count, her amount of debt is kept private

and in the case of men being responsible and getting the blame, this hardly applies to women before or during the relationship except for niche circles that get socially frowned upon and it only makes sense for the man to get the blame if he has authority over her

[Anonymous]

Both parts of the couple clearly have some agreed responsibilities to each other , shame it seemed to reach 2 years before her finding out what sort of “man” he was. I wouldn’t say this was typical of all men , but certainly enough to be meaningful. Hopefully he gets what he deserves.

[mysteriousNicholas]

It's also no surprises men only want to date a woman, cuddle a woman, until they get her into bed a couple of times and they're conquered their quest and - rinse repeat 🚿🛁

[genericname85]

So there's the thing. A relationship is always a giving and a taking. And when there's more "taking" than "giving", then typically where it breaks up. So you could see it as a sign for that being a thing. Girl asks for too much so I'll leave. Simple as that. Maybe you should take a bit more accountability yourself and not offload everything onto your partner. Cause if it wasn't too much, why would he leave?

[Anonymous]

That kind of guy isn't in it for the long haul. There is a reason they say in sickness or in health. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone if I didn't feel a desire to put them ahead of most of my interests or desires.

[mysteriousNicholas]

It's also no surprises men only want to date a woman, cuddle a woman, until they get her into bed a couple of times and they're conquered their quest and - rinse repeat 🚿🛁 ; i don't condone casual relationships lol but it's a reality

[Anonymous]

Men don't like women who surround themselves with drama. Never have and never will.

[Asker]

So taking care of your newborn child is drama?

[Anonymous]

It isn't your responsibility to take care of your boyfriend or girlfriend. However, once married, you are almost completely responsible for taking care of them.

[Alex-Snow]

That guy sounds like a jerk

[Staximus]

Those guys are shit bags