How come women are to blame when a man leaves them?

Question

im talking ab the term ”fatherless” used to single mothers or daughters to shame them in any kind of way

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

If you looked at 1000 random cases, you'd find that in a majority of them, it would be obvious that before the woman was ever pregnant, that the man involved had no interest in being a parent and often was not even in a relationship with the woman. It would be the exception to the rule where the two people were actually in (what was allegedly) a committed relationship in the first place.

No question, sometimes these are men who claimed they were committed to the woman, but who bailed out when she got pregnant. Those men are dispicable. No one is denying that that happens, but it's not all that common. Most men in a committed relationship are going to stay.

But a far larger number of the men who leave will have NOT been in a committed relationship. Many will be one-night-stands or friends with benefits, and some of them will have multiple women, which will be known to the woman, and she's still having sex with him anyway. These are men who never made any commitment to her, much less any potential children, and are obviously not men who could ever be counted on for that. In other words, these are men who clearly lacked "father potential." But because he was physically attractive, or socially popular, or had high status, or was wealthy, she was sleeping with him anyway.

WOMEN - not men - are the gatekeepers of sex. Being a gatekeeper means you are responsible for whoever gets let inside - your job is to only allow those who are worthy through the gate. But lots of women use a poor set of criteria when judging who gets in and who doesn't, and some throw open the gate and let anyone inside. And THAT is why women are often the one who is responsible for becoming a single mom.

If your job is to hire people to work on dangerous heavy equipment, and a part of that job is to ensure that the people you hire aren't drinking or using drugs, and yet you knowingly hire drug users, or let people drink during lunch, and then there is a big accident and a bunch of people get hurt and it turns out that the equipment operator was under the influence, then of COURSE it's the responsibility of the person who hired these people and failed to vet them and failed to hold them to the standards. Yes, of course it's also the responsibility of the equipment operator, but it's ALSO the responsibility of that manager, because enforcing the rules was their job.

When you are the gatekeeper, enforcing the standards is your job. And the standards in this situation are the morals, values, and life-goals of the man a woman chooses to have sex with. Many women have no idea what those are, because they're never discussed, and zero vetting ever takes place - all that mattered was the guy was attractive to her. That's a gatekeeping failure, and thus the fault of the gatekeeper.

AManOnTheWeb · Accepted Answer

I'm not saying that there are never situations where a really awesome guy ends up impregnating a woman and then totally bails on her without any warning out of the blue. My guess is that it's much more common for the kind of shithead that would do this to be throwing out loser red flags left and right and the woman made excuses or didn't want to face reality.

Things like: "he cheated on his then-wife with me, but I'm shocked he cheated on me and is abandoning his family!" So it's always the fault of a guy who would abandon his kids, but it's usually also the fault of the woman who decides to reproduce with someone who was obviously a loser.

katiesmuff · Accepted Answer

Seems to me you are overreacting here! Intelligent people know that breakups or singles with children can easily be the fault of either one. In my case my daughter was fatherless for the first 7 years of her life and many times I would be asked if there was a father. I would answer myself that NO she is fatherless and I never felt any shame because of it. In my particular case I was the one being totally irresponsible with the getting pregnant part. Once I was married my husband immediately adopted her and if you ask her now "It's My Dad" is her answer, not stepdad or moms husband, but My Dad! In some cases the child is better off with only one parent and not necessarily the mom for her health and saftey.

LeatherDame · Accepted Answer

Because historicallywestern society is quite patriarchal and there’s still often an assumption that the woman did something wrong when it’s ambiguous what happened. “Couldn’t keep her man” vs him being a “cheater” puts the emphasis on the woman rather than the man as the culprit.

Though I’d say here in the west coast people tend to blame “deadbeat dads” more so I suspect this varies a bit by area.

MisterWack · Answer

It is just plain stupid, if the guy was abusive / a drunk / a ball n chain to her then she shouldn’t be ridiculed as such.

“Fatherless” means nothing, just a word that you can throw around, but doesn’t reflect the trauma / heartbreak that the woman went through. Same thing if it were “motherless”, bullshit.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Seen a few cases where guys did not understand the women. that the womens mood shifts is one major issue. Or that she's a human with her own ideas, emotional issues. They don't get along and the woman won't change... so becomes her fault in his eyes.

It's somewhat avoidable with more education and training, patience and maturity.

CalmUntilAbused · Answer

Well... It's probably because #BelieveWoman was brutally murdered, and by a certain "woman", no less. Now... A man leaving a pregnant woman behind in any Western country must flee to a country with no extradition agreement with the country he's running from if he wants to live his life peacefully, given the Western legislation on that matter. If he cannot flee, even taking his own life is a preferable option to facing the music. He could be shown more leniency if he was a serial killer, unless at least one of his murder victims was a woman. I mean... An execution is preferable to being ruined and forced to live through that ruin.

Therefore, a man leaving a pregnant woman behind will usually have a perfectly valid reason for doing so, and one unrelated to her pregnancy. Of course, there is a bunch of clueless players (and well, in this case, serves them right), but in most cases, the men simply discover there's something badly wrong with the woman herself.

So what could be wrong? Well, maybe he just got wind she's sleeping around and thus has doubts if the child is his own. Maybe she outed herself as a MATGA follower like some of those poor women some time ago and he does not have a deathwish. Maybe he found out she was blatantly lying about some matter that was important enough to him to part ways with her.

The worst case? Maybe he found out she forced the pregnancy to win him over. There are women out there who desperately want to get a good catch, and they will sometimes offer casual sex (with protection) to those men they consider good catches and then force the pregnancy. I do not wish to leave a manual for such women here (though unfortunately, they can be found online - I have even once come across an entire discussion board in Polish that was dedicated to guiding women who wanted to commit such a crime - namely extortion), so I'm just going to explain the simplest and somewhat naive way to do it. Let's say she says she's on a pill, but she's not. He is feeling safe, and then he is surprised with the news of her pregnancy. Any test will confirm that he is, indeed, the father, but he was not in for it from the start and he was assured it was safe. Now, the court won't care what really happened, but living with such a despicable woman might prove much worse than just paying the alimony (or, if the man is actually a good catch, simply leaving the country and cutting the woman off), so the man might decide to go for that option. Oh, and I said it was the worst case... Not really. The worst case is when the woman actually gets pregnant with someone else and tries to convince the man the child is his. Trying to trip a man into getting her pregnant means she does value him and somewhat respects him. Attempting to convince a man of him being a father when he's not is the ultimate disrespect. Again, if the man has enough doubts, he might decide to leave.

Of course, all this only really works out if the man and woman in question are having extramarital sex, which is sinful by itself, so the easiest way to prevent all that misfortune is to simply follow the Sixth Commandment. However, since hardly anyone takes the Sixth Commandment (or any of the Ten Commandments, to be realistic) seriously these days, this kind of trouble sprouts all over the Western societies.

UrsulaY · Answer

The notion that women are to blame when a man leaves them is a stereotype rooted in cultural norms and attitudes about gender roles, relationships, and responsibility.

In many cultures, there is a tendency to blame women for relationship issues. This can stem from historical views that place women in submissive roles or suggest that they should "keep" a man.

Societal norms often dictate that women are responsible for maintaining relationships, leading to perceptions that any relationship failure is their fault.

Relationship breakdowns can often be traced back to poor communication between partners. If the man feels misunderstood or neglected, he may decide to leave, and it is unfair to solely place the blame on one partner.

Relationships require the contributions and efforts of both partners. When a relationship fails, both individuals share some responsibility for its success or failure.

Some men may leave relationships due to their own insecurities or fear of vulnerability, projecting blame onto their partners instead of confronting their feelings.

People grow and change over time. Sometimes, these changes lead to a separation that isn't necessarily anyone's "fault."

Blaming women when a man leaves a relationship oversimplifies the complexities of human relationships. Each relationship is unique and influenced by a multitude of factors, including personal choices, emotional dynamics, and external circumstances. It's important to approach relationship discussions with empathy and an understanding that both partners play a role in its outcome.

Zack-Bann · Answer

No one leaves for no reason and someone does then you’re blamed for the poor decision of procreating with that person

He’s not innocent in all this. He’s a deadbeat loser for walking out on his family.
But the fact is if women bear no blame then guys like that will keep going around impregnating women and leaving them to their fate

Blame helps people to take the time and consider things not not fall for guys who are clearly no good.

It’s an ancient tactic that worked wonders in the past but like so many other things these days it’s outrageous to even suggest

hahahmm · Answer

The simplest way I can put it -- and you have to ignore what feminists say to get it -- is that women are like consumers & men are producers. If you knew a store was in business to make money but they actually banned a customer from going to the store, would you think it is the customer who did something wrong or the store? Keeping in mind that it is very rare for the store to ban people who are well behaved. It's sort of like that.

Men really don't ask for much from women. Women ask for a LOT. So that's the dynamic.

Miristheiss · Answer

Do men have some blame? Yes.

But, women control when sex will happen. Women often show they are a slave to their emotions and put out to player men who are bad boys and who will never settle down with anyone but he gives her the tingles. She gives it up to a player who bolts and heads off to screw all of the other easy women.

If women just kept it within marriage like they used to this wouldn't happen.

The pill came out in the 60's, feminism became rampant, women became "empowered" and basically loose tramps (a lot of them that is), people rejected sex within marriage... here is the shit society gets. Rampant herpes, fatherless homes, abortions.

He wasn't her husband. That is how things roll a lot of the time when women give it up to the players and bad boys.

Finchie40 · Answer

Because women are considered natural care takers , if her man walks away from her , she didn’t do her part by caring for him , she chose not to listen to him and ignore his wants and needs she also didn’t fight for him if he ended up meeting another girl. Most females’ claim their men and make it clear to other girls’ that he is taken so back the fuck off , why girls’ leave small items in a Guam house to let other girls’ know he is taken.

glennos89 · Answer

Most men commit for 100% when they step into a relationship and they are willing to sacrifice themselves for the greater good. If a man who loves you breaks up with you... you have really must have done something serious which he can't step over anymore.

Without disrespecting woman in general their are sadly many woman out their who intentionnally try to avoid accountability for their actions and they rather blame someone else or something else for the mess they created

Summeroflove · Answer

When relationships fail sometimes nobody is to blame. Sometimes people are only meant for a season but aren’t meant to be. Other times it’s more so one person then the other while other times it was both people.

It depends on the context and the totality of the circumstances when it comes to whose fault it was. Cheating or abuse is definitely the biggest reasons.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Occasionally, a relationship falls apart and 100% of the fault lies with one of the partners, but such situations are not common. In most cases, when a relationship fails, evaluation by a neutral outsider would suggest that both partners contributed to the breakup. The contributions are not necessarily "faults." Sometimes, people are drawn together by lust but eventually realize that they have too many differences to build a relationship together.

RavVid · Answer

I think it reflects that men are fairly undemanding on women. Be nice to them and provide sex and their fair share of cleaning and most men will be happy with the woman.

A man walking out implies the woman isn't nice and isn't honoring the fundamental deal of a sexual relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

Women are not always to blame when a man leaves them, but they often are.

What women ARE to blame for is breeding with unworthy men without any assurances he will stick around and be a good husband and father to their children, and then wondering why they end up single mothers and their children end up in the fatherless child trap.

BarryLiverstone · Answer

Could be the women are judged based on decisions and actions they take within the relationship. If a lack of a father growing up is the root cause of negative actions then this would answer your question. Obviously if women are engaged in healthy decisions and actions they shouldn’t be judged in that way.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

If it follows the usual pattern of her chasing him off by being crazy or cheating on him constantly then if the shoe fits...

Why apply a double standard when a guy doing that is seen in the same light?

SotiCoto · Answer

Anyone who uses "fatherless" as an insult is most likely some lackwit middle-eastern clown who is sexually attracted to goats.  See also any reference to shoes as an insult.

jaskinry2022 · Answer

because they think they have the power to say that shit or to degrade you they think that you are "weak" as in there terms.

Cormac995 · Answer

It might interest you to know men say the same thing about woman and us always being blamed. The answer in general isn't "men suck" or "Woman suck" the truth is people suck.

WhitneySnow · Answer

I don’t think it is shameful. Not your fault your dad left.

zagor · Answer

It is one thing if a guy is a total BS artist who manipulates them but a lot of times guys make it clear they aren't in it for the long term but the woman ignores the signs and hears what she wants to hear.

oldpigg · Answer

Because in general they are women who were impregnated and abandoned by a Chad.

hippio · Answer

Happens when misogyny is on it's peak. Don't argue with these men on comments. Total waste of time. The man who leaves the family behind is a disgusting piece of shit.

Anonymous · Answer

No it’s a big problem with men who don’t take responsibility. I know there are women who try to take advantage of the men by getting a child support payment every month but most of the time the men don’t want to help raise a child.

Thesilly · Answer

It’s sexism. Society always loves to blame the women for everything before hearing the real story

Anonymous · Answer

It depends on the situation obviously, but at the VERY least the woman is responsible for her decision to get involved with the guy to begin with.

Graptemys79 · Answer

Who would blame a woman for a man leaving any more than a man whose woman left him?

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Because it takes an incredible amount for a man to walk away from a woman.

Silver158 · Answer

same reason a man is to blame when a woman leaves him

Solar813 · Answer

I don’t think that. My first thought is the guy cheated.

sodomanie · Answer

laugh is a better option when a man leaves them, and be happy to try a better one :)

blackeagle007 · Answer

Women are too dramatic. They cause drama

PrettyCrumblBb · Answer

People are immature.

Babygirl000989 · Answer

Because it is always Eve's fault

Jaysun33 · Answer

Because they hate girl power

How come women are to blame when a man leaves them?

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