Part of me has always believed like other people that a couple should never have secrets, but is there a secret you do have that you would never tell your partner? Whether it's cheating or something completely in your past unrelated to sex or relationships. Maybe you used to use drugs, did a crime, something like that. You don't have to say what it is, I'm just asking.
Yes a couple of sex things that happened before we started dating, I have hinted that there were some relationships I regretted but I have not given details bc I don’t want to put those images in his mind, though I do worry about if it ever comes up from somebody else, he might wonder why I did not tell him. They would make me sound kind of slutty and the guys I was with at the time would also sound bad, I think it could bug him or even make him mad at guys who he has never even met.
"bc I don’t want to put those images in his mind"
- this is a fair and solid reason I can understand. But you wanna know the truth? Men are not so much upset about what a woman has done with multiple men, but moreso because they didn't get to do it with her personally, especially if it's things he likes.
Ex: if a guy is crazy about being deepthroated and he found out that you've deepthroated a lot of guys and they loved it, he will be shattered to know it because he never got it from you as a first and because other guys got the same thing. But say you've done anal sex with a lot of guys and it's not really his thing, he will be less angry. He might be somewhat disgusted that you've done that, but it will lack the sexual fury of the first scenario. Make sense?
A very small number of us men are aware of the fact that a lot of women have had sex with a lot of men in their lives. It is typically guys who have unrealistic fantasies of pure women that are hurt by this.
@ShellB My last girlfriend had similar reservations regarding a similar subject. She told me anyway. Thing is, she knew I wasn’t judgmental or would carry images in my head over it. After she told me I just replied with, “feel better that you got that out?” She did and felt completely safe with me. It’s the past. I don’t hold the past against girlfriends. But boy the look of worry on their faces as they share looks harder than it ever is for me to remotely listen to what they say … which for me is not hard at all. I guess it helps I don’t look at them Ny differently or treat them any differently or anything of that nature too. I know it can be a kick in the ass to share some things but in the end, I chose them for personal reasons and continue to do so regardless of their past. I just care about how we are together. Part of the reason I also never ask the “body count” question either. I know that one terrifies most and most will lie anyway so why place them in that position to begin with, right?
I eat pussy like a pussy vampire awakening after an eight hundred year slumber only to realize they’ve built a fully staffed Nunnery around me. I powered a small town in Guadalupe for three weeks once just by eating pussy with an electrical lead attached to my jaw. They call me El Pusstolero whenever I go back there to, yeah, you guessed it, eat pussy. I ate so much pussy once that I forgot to breathe, died, went to heaven and got kicked out for eating all the angel pussy. I woke up in the morgue and went straight to prison for what I did up in that bitch right after. I’m saying don’t put me in a morgue you know what I’m about. Shit. Anyway I couldn’t eat any pussy in jail so I just closed my eyes and pretended.
I have lots of secrets, but nothing i “would never tell” anyone. I don’t offer them up by any means, but i have a commitment to honesty. I refuse to lie. If asked properly, i’ll tell someone i trust anything. I’ll certainly give them fair warning and an opportunity to withdraw the query, but i will not lie; not even by omission.
Absolutely. That’s not even a secret. I have been with a variety of prostitutes and had good experiences and bad. I will happily share those stories with anyone who would ask.
Yeah. That’s part of the fabrication of the supposed slut shaming double standard. If men are not only free to be promiscuous, but rewarded for being so, why would any man hide that behavior at all, ever? We are still a functionally puritanical society trying to reconcile our inherited morality with newfound liberation. It’s not terribly different from keeping a kid on house arrest his whole life until he’s old enough to drive and then handing him the keys to a liter class sport bike. There are going to be accidents when you give people power and freedom, but not the discipline to use it wisely.
Yes, I hate horror movies lol.
Not really. I'm a very open person. I put everything out there on the table. If you don't like it too bad. It's in the past. Why should we dwell on the wrong things we've done in the past. I've got other things to worry about you know?
My partner is supposed to be my best friend, confidante and team-mate. I want to be able to trust them, know that if anything happens to me they've got my back, and I think keeping secrets could be detrimental
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I can't bring myself to tell him about me getting rap*d like 9 years ago. It would hurt him very much and he is already little hateful towards the world and humans. I think it would destroy him to know that.
I do think about telling him, because i don't wanna have secrets but I fear he won't take it well.
I'm not much different, I don't have triggers about it and I was in therapy for a while. My childhood and the trauma my father gave me weights more heavy on me
That as a teen I was SA’d. Reason being? That I always hear guys saying that it’s the women’s fault, and that it means that the women was used before them.
but either way, I’m not in a relationship right now and probably won’t be in one.
Dont listen to the ignorant assholes out there. Nothing about any part of that was your fault, None! I truly hope and pray that you will manage through that horror and see that you are ok, you are still here and you are still needed in this world just as you are. Dont deny yourself the chance that there is someone who will love you and stand by you regardless of what you have been through. They are out there and you will have the chance to be loved unconditionally. You are so brave for sharing that here, Im proud of you and that strength and resilience is going to bring you more joy than you can imagine when you are ready. *Remember this- the sun shines for you and you only, i know this because you are so special and so unique and beautiful in your own ways that even if you were the only person in the world, GOD would have still made the sun to shine just for you. Believe that :-)
No but it's not 'cuz I'm so honest and holier than thou or anything, it's 'cuz I talk too much. Like, never commit any crimes with me 'cuz the police could be questioning us and I'd be all like, "Where were we the night of March 3rd? um... Wasn't that the night we were robbing that bank?"
No, I usually will tell people everything..
I have lots of secrets that has nothing to do with my partner but what other people has told me in confidence. I should hope if and what he has been told in confidence he don't tell anyone about, including me. But between us? No, now he knows. He requested not wanting to know about something before, saying he would get jealous, but today he is fine with it. He too was very secret about his past but that made me come to the wrong conclusion and that's no good now is it
I hung on to one that had to do with how my body works when pregnant (he always said I was the one to decide if we were going to have a baby or not, as long as he had me he was happy, he said). I have the same complicated nature my mom proberbly had but noone looked into it, same high frequence for miscarry high risk. I in aecret hated my body and had not dealt with it. Too with his jealous nature he was so specific he did not want to know or he warned me he was going maybe loose interest in me. I felt cornered. But eventually I felt he may not want to know but he needs to know and it's his right to know. He was at first reacting with mistrust, how do you know this? But after a while he could take it to heart that this hurt me more than it did him. He still has difficulty understanding how I could get to hating my body, not feeling good enough, and fear of failing, of being rejected. I am not sure he can ever understand this part, but he says it was, is never your fault. He promises he has never had any intention of leaving, and nothing to do with babies or no babies, but says he was always afraid I would leave him. He says now he gets why he got the impression I don't care or don't think I'm beutiful?", a sure exaggeration as I look like anybody else, lol, but he tried to lift my spirit up
My secret is that I lied about having slept with 2 people (in reality I’ve only been with one person before we met). Stupid I know but I was embarrassed that I was inexperienced.
Once I was questioned about a theft in the ME's office and since I was one of the last people to view the remains, I was suspect. I went to the police dept to be polygraphed. I passed the seismograph. Afterwards the investigating officer said "Son you are not guilty of this crime but, I have never seen a suspect so guilty of something" "What the hell did you do?"
I would say by definition a secret would be known only to me so would never be shared to anyone otherwise it’s not a secret.
That being said I wouldn’t knowingly keep information from my partner that may affect the terms of our relationship.
I do but I will not even share it on here... sorry
Everyone has secrets. They might be silly little things or very big things but everyone has something that they will hide from their SO.
There is no girl at work that has flirted with you? Or some ex that reached out to you while you are dating or married to another? Nothing you haven’t told your SO?
Well it’s obvious you have a different type of wife. Most wives would be heading to see a lawyer after the first sexual encounter outside the home.
I think there are parts you are better of not mentioning to avoid insecurity. Sometimes I have a sexual dreams about someone else... I can't control that. What point is there in telling him about it?
Haha I've had no other partner than him. But yeah could be that too. If my man had slept with a bunch of women and I loved him, I think I'd rather not know so I don't get turned off
that is emotional cheating
Well. It's a bit hard to imagine, since we've both never had anyone else. But if he did share, I don't think it would change things a lot. Maybe I'd be a little insecure, cause that's just what I'm like, but I wouldn't hold it against him.
@Light_beam To dream of sex with someone else? I have no control over my dreams
Having sexual dreams are natural, nothing to be ashamed of or to hide. I would suggest that if you have a good open communication to share those dreams with your man. A man will be just fine, a boy will be jealous and insecure. Communication with your partner is so important in relationships, without communication the relationship will suffer and eventually wither away. If you and he are comfortable about talking about things that are sexual, it could actually enhance your sexuality together. Im not saying that is true for everyone but for me and my wife, we love each other regardless of anything else. we will never give in or give up, we have amazing communication and respect for each others feelings thoughts and so forth. A couple needs to retain their own individuality while building another together, meaning, people should be complimented by a relationship, not defined by it, nor be afraid of it or of saying something that might or might not upset the other. If he truly loves you it will be no big deal for him to hear. My wife has a fantasy of having two men at once, there are no specifics as to who like bill who lives at 5647 streetroad usa etc, its just a fantasy. something that she desires for the pleasure of it. we have fun with it and keep it just between us and i love how she is aroused by the thought of it, which turns me on to see her feel so good. So point being, dont keep something so truly insignificant as a dream a secret because that is just a seed planted in secrecy which will only produce more worry, wondering, and secrets. if you get it out in the open you will be feeling so much better
What if its someone I was in love with?
I am not the best at volunteering information. However, if asked, I am worse at lying so I will tell them and let the chips fall where they may.
Yes, there is a secret that I would never tell my wife. I am an open book otherwise, but there is that one thing that I cannot share.
If they are secrets from the past, what's the use of telling? Some things should stay a secret.
No especially if you gainfully trust. Maybe not all a once but little by little.
bad sexual secrets?
Yes. But I don't have a partner.
A secret that you won't tell is really a lie of omission.
The PIN number for my credit card
lmao definitely no way jk too funny
My poor dating past. I will deny this from all women in my life.
Nope, I would probably tell her everything.
Yes, and would never tell unless I wanted to break up with them, it would be a way of them ending the relationship because I'm roo much of a coward to break up with them,,,,
What?
If it’s my partner, I wouldn’t have any secrets
No. I've lied to her for 25 years so that I could tell her the horrible truth and she would never believe me.
That i murdered my ex, prostituted on internet, married 3 timex, had an abortion 3 times, slept with my counsin at 12, sucked a drug dealer for crack
who knows he might be fine with it, i wouldn't care. I would ask for all the juicy details. My grandmother told me years ago during a breakup she said women have secrets, they always will. whether that is true or not, I like to ensure that my wife is comfortable telling me anything she wants without fear of angering me or judgement. Itruly love to hear all of the things she has done no matter what they are. It help me to get to know and understand her on a deeper level, what makes her who she is, and I think she is perfect and i love her unconditionally no matter what she does or doesn't do i will never give up on her or on us.
No, she knows everything, warts, and all
We all have secrets
Depends on what kind of partner?
Yeap
Nah, I'm not trash
Yes.
No. Boring life
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