Can I trust him? Am I just overthinking?

[Anonymous]

I can't tell if I am overthinking this situation or if I should be genuinely concerned.

My boyfriend of several months has an ex who he still keeps in touch with. They split up a year or so before we met. I have never met her, but she will send him messages to vent when she is feeling down. He has said that they do not text frequently, but that he feels an obligation to help her. This does not inherently bother me, but I do not understand why he needs to respond to her. It makes me a bit uncomfortable and unsure of our relationship. She also sends him photos of when they were together. They used to be a part of the same friend group, but recently his friends stopped inviting her to events, and created a separate group chat without her.

We have talked about this before and how it makes me feel. Overall, he is reassuring and open in his responses, telling me that I can ask him anything. Still, the situation gives me an odd feeling. Once I asked him about the conditions of their past relationship, and he explained that it was a "perfect relationship but that she was not a perfect person." Another time he said it was just outright bad. Recently, he told me that he has held back on texting her. He also tells me when she texts him, which I did not ask him to do. He has a habit of bringing up his ex relationships a lot in comparison to our relationship. For example, he will say that he used to just joke around and laugh a lot in his past relationship, and that we do that but we have more deep conversations instead. Recently, he gave me stockings/lingerie that he had in his past relationship. He told me that they weren't used and that the package had just been opened, but it still made me very uncomfortable. I let him know about this and he felt bad/apologized. He ended up throwing them out.

Overall, he is a great guy, but this situation is new to me. I have never had a boyfriend who is still friends with their ex, and I am not sure how to feel about it.

[Crankor]

To me, keeping contact with an extra is a red flag. Especially when they mostly only text or talk when another is having an issue and are asking for help or comfort. To me that means there is still emotional attachment that can and most likely will at some point interfere with your relationship. Not to say him or her is doing it on purpose but realistically that's the human psychological result of that behavior. The more you contact someone, the more feeling will develop. Im not saying dont trust him either but just be aware that is how complications happen. There really shouldn't be any reason for her to be contacting him about personal matters not that you could really outright say that to him without him likely throwing a fit which would also be a sign he has a faint unhealthy attachment to her still. He should not feel obligated to do anything for her but be considerate of his current relationship and be realistic to think about what would cause an issue and instead of saying , "oh that won't happen to me" it should be why would you put yourself in that situation to begin with?

[Anonymous]

That whole lingerie thing is a bit odd ok a lot odd i dunno what to tell you just keep your guard up that's the best i can advise

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the ex-files, are we? 🔍 Alright, here's the deal, love. Your boyfriend seems pretty open and honest, which is a great sign! Trust is built on transparency, and it sounds like he's trying to keep things real with you. Him telling you about texts and tossing those old stockings shows he's trying to make you comfortable.

But those lingering ties to the ex, especially with the photo sharing and nostalgia trips, could be relationship red flags. His "obligation" to her might seem noble, but your discomfort is valid! Trust your gut and communicate those feelings to him. And remember, you deserve to be the star of your relationship show, not a supporting actor! Keep those lines of communication open and flirty! 😘

[Anonymous]

Yes, you're overthinking.