So there's a guy i accidentally started chatting to on the dating app im on. he's not after anything long term and i wouldn't be interested as he has a kid but as i found him attractive i swiped right when he didn't have that on his profile.
He told me straight away what he was after, without any of the crap i had before that they wanted to meet without saying what they wanted.
I told him the truth about never done anything before and my health and that if he didn't wanna continue talking he didn't have to.
Now he hinted that i could use him as a way of preparing me for whats to expect when it comes to guys. I did say i have attachment issues but we did agree if it did happen thered be no kissing or dates etc
Only thing im concerned about is im saying there won't be anything risky happening but im not sure if he would be hoping for more.
I've said if were still talking by the time my birthday comes around (14th) that we'd meet for a drink not far from where i live (obv im not gonna tell him that) and see what comes of that
He sent me a few pics, one with pants and one without, even tho i did say to keep them on. But the last pic didn't reveal anything and they put a block on photos too risky
Tried to find him on fb to no use and he obv split from his girlfriend and has court orders (but then my brother does and he hasn't done anything wrong)
He told me straight away what he was after, without any of the crap i had before that they wanted to meet without saying what they wanted.
I told him the truth about never done anything before and my health and that if he didn't wanna continue talking he didn't have to.
Now he hinted that i could use him as a way of preparing me for whats to expect when it comes to guys. I did say i have attachment issues but we did agree if it did happen thered be no kissing or dates etc
Only thing im concerned about is im saying there won't be anything risky happening but im not sure if he would be hoping for more.
I've said if were still talking by the time my birthday comes around (14th) that we'd meet for a drink not far from where i live (obv im not gonna tell him that) and see what comes of that
He sent me a few pics, one with pants and one without, even tho i did say to keep them on. But the last pic didn't reveal anything and they put a block on photos too risky
Tried to find him on fb to no use and he obv split from his girlfriend and has court orders (but then my brother does and he hasn't done anything wrong)
Updates
4 mo
he's blocked me lol
Updates
4 mo
Or rather delete d his profile
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
I gotta say this guy is raising some red flags to me. A few thoughts:
- Him pushing to "prepare" you for sex when you're not ready is off. That's mad shady and sounds like he just wants to hook up.
- Any guy with a kid and court orders I'd be wary of. Wonder what really went down there.
- Any dude sending nudes unprompted crosses a line of consent too. That's a sign he might not respect boundaries.
- Not finding him on other socials is another red flag - no way to vet him fully.
I know you said you find him attractive, but honestly this doesn't seem like it'll end well. He's already pushing past what you said you're comfortable with. At best it could get messy, at worst he could take advantage.
If you do meet, please do it in a public place, don't drink too much, and have a friend know where you're at who you can check in with.
I'd probably bail on this one if I were you, there's other cute guys who will respect you fully. Stay safe!
I dont dri k and he was working that night so wouldn't be drinking either. My brother has a court order and did nothing wrong
Looks like im spending my birthday alone then, i doubt therss ever gonna b anyone interested in me
Aw sis don't be saying stuff like that, of course there will be other guys interested! You just gotta stay away from any that give you bad vibes or don't respect your boundaries.
And honestly this dude wasn't even really interested in you, just what he could get from you physically. An actual good guy will really wanna get to know YOU.
Sure, spending your bday solo ain't the most hype, but better than putting yourself in a risky situation ya know? Hey, maybe see if any of your close friends wanna do something lowkey instead, or treat yourself to something fun you like.
Plus the night's still young - who knows, maybe someone cooler will slide into your DMs last minute ;). Don't lose hope! You're catch for sure, just gotta be patient for a man who sees that.
Keep your head up aight? And if ya ever wanna vent, you know I got you. We'll get you sorted with someone good eventually, bet!
I spend it solo every yr aswell as nye gone by. Im oretty much on my own once my parents die. I've got zilch friends no matter how hard i try
I wasn't interested in him either, and he never said he had dogs despite knowing i was sensitive to noise and smells.
Everytime i think guys r interested in me i get the "he only saw u as a friend" even tho they never was my friend in the first place!
I can't dm u cos ur not following me.
Dang luv that really sucks, I'm sorry to hear you've been so alone. It isn't easy not having many friends to turn to. But don't lose hope - sometimes getting out there and trying new things is how people find their people.
Maybe this year for your birthday, instead of staying in solo try signing up for a rec sports league or club for a hobby you like. Even if it's scary putting yourself out there, you could meet some cool guys who share interests.
And don't get too down on those dudes who just wanted to be friends - their loss! Keep focusing on bettering yourself and the right friendships will come. Maybe try joining online communities too if in-person is tough.
You seem like a good guy, so I'm sure if you keep an open mind and heart someone will see that someday. Just take it one day at a time and don't forget how awesome you are too. Chin up - I believe in you! Let me know if you ever wanna chat more.
Also, I just followed you so you can message me
Good girl I meant
I've tried everything it never make s a difference, people just dont want to make an effort
Ah man, that really sucks. I know how frustrating it can feel to put yourself out there and have people not reciprocate or make an effort back. But don't lose hope - it only takes meeting one good friend to make a difference, you know?
Some people just suck at keeping in touch or aren't good friends. But there are definitely people out there who will appreciate you for who you are and want to put the effort in. Maybe try joining some new activities where you'll see the same people regularly? That way you get chances to bond over time.
Or what about an online friend - maybe try gaming communities or message boards for your hobbies? Could be lower pressure way to meet folks. Just don't give up. And know that you seem like an alright girl and deserve people who appreciate you in your life. We all go through phases where it's tough to connect - stay positive and it'll happen for you eventually!
As a woman with attachment issues you should be smarter than this and not walk into a literal trap. Women are emotional, and we can’t just be talking to the same man constantly, sexting and/or hooking up and expect to form no attachments.
Sex is incredibly intimate and you should share that experience with someone who isn’t just trying to “train” you. Do you know where practice should happen? With your partner, who actually cares for you, loves you and you don’t have to worry if he’s out screwing someone else simply because as a single person he can do what he wants.
You already said from the start that you don’t want him because he has a kid, yet keep talking, getting to know him, set a date, you are screwing yourself over in this situation. You have the opportunity to start fresh and do things right with someone, so be patient and wait for a single, childless man to do that with. This road will lead to nothing but being used and discarded gently, so help your future self out now while you can. There’s too many better options out there.
I've already stated that won't be happening, there's nothing risky gonna happen. I want my first time with a boyfriend and someone i frust
Just as you asked him not to send pantless pics and he still did, this man is very much trying to engage in sexual activity. It would be naive to think that just because you told him it won’t be happening, he will eventually abide by that when he’s already not doing so.
Its not a date, its a drink. Weve already established that thsre won't be sates or actual kissing
Yeah i know, thats what made me wary
*dates
I can't see me getting an actual date from this aop, and i can't talk to guys i like irl. I needd to change my life and i dont know how if i can't meet anyone the normal way
So trust your gut then. Like he already isn’t a good candidate since he’s a father and you’ve decided as much, so why waste your time? Why put yourself in a position to gain feelings for him when that isn’t what you want?
It’s hard meeting people the normal way but possible! I met mine at a bar, been together almost two years☺️
Cos i need to be confident and not scare& crap of even just seeing someone naked.
I dont go to bars cos I've noone to go with.. Thats the problem
Confidence is one thing but don’t worry about feeling scared to see a man naked. You’re someone who has to be comfortable with that and it’s ok! You just find a man that your progress towards that with. It’s ok to use dating apps, all I’m saying is to give your time to the right man. This guy is all wrong, he doesn’t align with the basic things you want from a man.
I already know that tho, and tbh wed discussed finding someone whis right for me to date
Why do you need or even want his help though? This is a stranger he knows nothing about you.
I've asked girls i know to help and they dont want to know. he's the only one whos ever offered
Hence why we were meeting for a drink.
And i said if we were still talking by the time it xame round, if he goes too far before then i would be already blocking him
I even offered someone a free drink to take me out on my birthday, they couldn't even give a decent excuse.
I read the original post and saw you mention all of that (aside from meeting for drinks to discuss him finding you a man) and that’s why I’m saying what I’m saying. I don’t want to go back and forth too much, it’s your choice at the end of the day even if I think it’s a horrible idea. Of course I wish you luck, hopefully it all works out hun.
Its pretty much my last resort. Im Not a prerty girl so i need to be the best a tflirting etc. Even the genuine guys dont flirt with me on the app
It’s not your last resort, you’re just being impatient.
I did something today i shouldn't have. I need to change my life asap, its bot healthy what I'm going through
If i can't beg someone to come out on a free drink for mt birthday, what makes it clear ill meet someone or make friends.
Awe, it’s for your birthday? Go spoil yourself girl! Get your nails done have a massage. There are apps for specifically making friends if that’s what you’re looking for. But he’s not the right guy for all this, he’s already being sexual with his pics and you just met, I promise he will not abide by your wishes for any real length of time.
Im Not a girly girl n its a Sunday, i just wanted to go for a drink with someone
I dont have to go any further than the drink if i dont feel comfortable
The v fact u said that shows u dont realize this is my last resort. Im not like other girls. Its 2.30 here n i can't sleep, i probs won't b going anywhere for my birthday n b living in misery hill
Plus if he goes too far before then i said it wouldn't b happening at all
You don’t have to be a girly girls to maintain your appearance, when I worked at a spa we’d have studs and Butch lesbians come in for Brazilian waxes, they’d then go next door for a nail appoint and just got clear coats. It’s about the experience and taking care of your body. No, you don’t have to go any further than a drink but at least do that with a better guy. My question is why even risk catching feelings for a man you know isn’t right for you since he’s a father? That’s my only point here.
I dont really care about what i look like, other than my teeth or hair. Im not changing for noone
If i find someone else by then ill drop him.
he's got tats too so im pretty sure i wouldn't end up falling for him
My goodness miss Mona Lisa you’re gonna fight me tooth and nail I see lol all good babe! Wish you luck ❤️❤️❤️
I dont mind nails but my fingers get sore when typing n not gonna het them done for no reason. But again its a Sunday
Ill see where it goes, i might end up dropping him tomorrow lol
People on dating apps always have something wrong with them. If they didn't, they wouldn't need dating apps.
Well I've tried irl n its not working
My brothers use them