Why would boyfriends of 10 years lie about wanting to marry me?

[Anonymous]

I met him when I was 19, he was 30. I already had a son. Five years later we had a son. I would talk about marriage after we had him, and he said that we would get married. I ended up finding out recently that he told his mom he didn’t believe in marriage. She told me when we were in a car ride alone with our son going to an appointment.

[Summeroflove]

Because he’s lying… Likely he is a dark personality and people like this don’t make connections the way you do. They cannot form normal connections. They see you as the weird one… and manipulate people.

Obviously, he had something to gain from staying with you. Possibly financial reasons. The benefits of marriage without the commitment and consequences if he was to eventually leave you. Possibly for the manipulation. Possibly for social status.

See people future fake. Because you aren’t the one they want. When these people find someone they want to marry they do the opposite by trying to lock them down as fast as possible. He knows he will probably leave you for someone else eventually… But he’s waiting it out.

These people see you as too stupid to believe their lies and too weak to stand up for yourself. So in their minds…. You deserve it. You will notice how one sided it is. Anytime you dare to stand up in the relationship…. They make you feel like the bad person. But when they do things that are brazenly wrong. Well…. They have excuses and justifications for it. And if you question it. You’re bad.

[Noredcarpet]

Because he didn't want to loose you? You two are already living the marriage life. I think it was wrong of his mom to tell you. He needs to talk to you about what's the matter, not his mother. I have been afraid of the actual wedding day myself, know how that sounds, but invested as in living the marriage life, knowing wedding is ahead, hoping everything turns out alright, but my parents split up and this has effected me to not hurry into marriages and not wanting to get pregnant in my opinion too soon. Could it be he has fears from his past? This can be so loaded for you as well, I know mine became so after I felt my ex let me down by starting his addiction again and not wanting to go to rehab, it was my ultimatium he would or we would not marry. He would have failures, but last I heard he made it. I know he always loved me very much and this wasn't about me, it was his addiction, people who don't know enough of it tend to mix it up, just like I did and make it into that he didn't love me enough. This means It can be that your boyfriend has some issue about marriages that has nothing to do with his love for you, so please if you can, tell him it is crucial he thinks about where this come from, and how to talk to you about it. For Christ sake he needs to not go runnin to Mommy and Mommy don't need to tell you this, could be she got it wrong, or has tried on purpose if she's that evil to make you insecure? The later I don't hope, but my God what a stupid thing to say to you when she knows of the fragile situation, terrible mother in law quality on that one in my opinion.

[Vesuvius87]

The first sentence tells a lot. If he wanted to get married, what is a grown-up doing with a college-aged teenager that's still too young to form a family. He wanted just the sex, someone to have fun with without directly telling you that it's just a friends with benefits situation, but extended under the disguised of ''boyfriend and girlfriend''.

He's not a real boyfriend that's seeking marriage and kids and never was. He's still using you and unless you dump him right now, you're still going to remain single. The soon you dump him, the faster you can start over and find someone that will update you to wife. I was on the position a long while back too until I found better as I'm not married with a 7 month-old baby boy. Men that purposely promised marriage to string along women, to waste their time are narcissists.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the twisty turns of relationships! My aim here is to add a sprinkle of clarity. It sounds like you've got a case of unglamorous truth-diving. 🕵️‍♂️ Sometimes, people say what their partner wants to hear because they want to avoid conflict, maintain harmony, or even because they aren't ready to face their true feelings. This nifty sidestepping of commitment can be a red flag. Having an open chat with him might untangle the web of what's really going on. Don't be discouraged, love! Your happiness deserves attention.

[Asker]

I tried asking him about it, and he stone walled me and acted like I was the issue. A month before his mom told me, I found out he was texting another girl at his work. He got on his knees, and said he loved me and wanted to marry me, and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Only because had a gut feeling about her the whole time I messaged her. She finally sent me screenshots an hour later, but you could tell she deleted things out of the messages, but his demeanor was still flirty. I asked about her years ago and he completely denied that he never saw her in his life. There was texts all the way back from 2023. I went wonder why his mom would say that a month after he begged to “marry me.

[ChicanaChick]

Why did you tolerate 5 years in the dating stage? I would've left on the 2nd or 3rd year?

As women, we can't afford waiting until the man is ready. You should've set up a timeframe and proceed with breaking up if he wasn't on the same page.

[ChicanaChick]

Nevermind it's even worse. Why did you tolerate 10 years of boyfriend and girlfriend status? That's already an extended friends with benefits situation. He just wants a girlfriend to bang and have fun without responsibilities.
How much longer would've tolerate the situation if the mother never told you that?

[jahaims]

A grown man got with a teen. He isn't going to be a quality person obviously

[Evsisa]

So that you wouldn’t leave or start a fight over it.

[LazerBean]

So that he can keep using you.

[Anonymous]

He changed his mind.