In a relationship, do you prefer direct, blunt communication or gentle, padded delivery?

Question

Noredcarpet · Accepted Answer

God, tricky one, for several reasons. How to pick?

My mom was always doing the direct, blunt communication, but what could go wrong with it is she could come off as too insensitive, it could be delivered too suddenly, too harsh. But she was really good at, if lets say I spoke my mind, she stoped everything, listened, respected my words, no matter my opinion, and she would keep secrets. The thing with my mom is her radar did not discover soon enough, or ever, that while she spoke how it was effecting her opponent, the way I spotted it. There are those who simply can not spot it til later if at all. And those who can and are just cruel to continue. Difference.

My dad was introvert and when he spoke to me you could say it was the gentle, padded version of it, if I understood what he was saying that is. He too would have your back.

Both parents considered me close to them, but I suppose that had to do with me understanding the way they communicated with me growing up. I would get what I needed from them together, the combination, balance of direct and with a sensitivity.

My dad changed and suddenly it was as if he closed the door on my mom who got frantic trying to open it, doing what she had always done before, but dad was not in a mental place anymore that he could take it. He ended up cheating while his mental mind was spiraling downwards, had not said a thing about that, secret.

I have chosen partners that in ways reminded me of how my mom versus my dad communicated without me thinking about it before. I have an ex who was introvert and who got mental on me too (bipolar, I think) who before the eruption would make me feel safe with how he communicated because I understood it. As he got ill he would freak me out on the inside as now he was delivering things in passive aggressive ways, saying half sentences, my brain was filling in the rest, not knowing, scary. Long story. Another ex was as open, direct as my mom, but unlike her he had no boundaries to keep secrets, everything was for everyone to know, I too felt as if everyone in his life was somehow in our relationship, and I found myself taking steps back til I had completely stepped out of the picture. He also made it everyones business when I left and the everyones too made it their business. I felt like my dad then, kept silent, the only tool I had to protect my boundaries. If the communication style is not blessed with emotional intelligence, putting yourself in the other ones shoes, perspective, or tools to spot how the other person is taking it, it fails.

Long story short I today have a partner who in ways reminded me both of my moms way and my dads way before. I would say neither is ideal, and I can't say which I prefer the most. He is in therapy and I have noticed a shift in how he communicates with me. Now he is open, direct, but there is still that thoughtfulness there, sensitivity, that was not there before, and him being ready to take what I have to give without getting defensive, etc, about it. There is way more tenderness now and we're becoming close in a different way then before. This is all new to me. I've never had both ways wrapped around each other the way I see now how he is communicating. I kind of feel as if something goes wrong now between us it's on me, and he can walk off free of blame, knowing these days he can communicate in all the right ways.

in my opinion the communication style has to be combined with other qualifications for it to truly be ideal, in balance, successful, I can't chose, but my indrict before was me being more drawn to the rough direct style as I thought that is still safe, that's mom, right, but learning the hard way there could be lack of her other qualifications.

VioletHaze · Accepted Answer

Direct blunt communication. It might hurt in the moment, but in the long run, I feel safer around those who tell me exactly what they think. And there is less emotional clutter to work through.

mysteriousNicholas · Accepted Answer

Sounds like a parcel delivery 🚚 📦 lol throw bluntly to the door 🚪 or gently put on the mat lol. I would not know, I feel for that thankless job.
Moving on ; uhh I would prefer a woman lover in my life who treated me 👄😈 kindly and was humble and earthly. I don't mean hippie and smelly or vegan or oddball or fake. I just mean a real genuine lover, who's as sweet as I try to be 🧁 I try to get by in life with as minimal drama (and avoiding dramatic people)

Pterodon · Accepted Answer

I have a sign on my wall that says I’m terribly sorry if my harsh honesty offends you but I don’t like your sugar coated bullshit either.

DishLady · Answer

Depends on the situation. Some topics require finesse and others don’t.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

Padded.. A guy who can communicate effectively and still be nice about it will always be way better than a guy who makes you feel bad. I have only ever met 1 guy who could be completely honest with me but still gentle, most men can not do that. They either lie and simp you or they are rude and hurtful, it's rare to find a guy in between.

In a relationship, do you prefer direct, blunt communication or gentle, padded delivery?

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In a relationship, do you prefer direct, blunt communication or gentle, padded delivery?

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