Do you prefer guys to be upfront or not about their feelings?

Question

This was a debate between two of my friends (both girls). I was questioning them whether to be upfront about my feelings for a girl I liked or play it casual. Basically whether to ask her out on a real date or get coffee.

Anyway, both had different answers. One said to be upfront with her and don't play games. It shows confidence, assertiveness and it gets to the point. The other said while it would be nice, she'd rather get to know a person than to be asked out and/or told right away a guy's feelings or intentions. So needless to say, they didn't help much haha.

So ladies (or guys, in your experience), would you prefer a guy who is interested in you, whether you barely know them or know them pretty well, to be upfront about his feelings and/or intentions or be pretty chill about it? Pros and cons of either one?

InquisitiveMale · Accepted Answer

My answer is complicated. You don't want to be overly forward otherwise you come off as a player, douche, and someone just after sex. But you also don't want to play it ice cold, so that when you do show her signs of attraction/affection, you give her a shock to the system and freak her out.

Basically, she should know you find her attractive within the first 30second of meeting her if not instantaneously, but you should treat her in a purely platonic fashion until you've painted a picture of yourself and you're not a complete stranger.

Approach her with the mindset of "yes, she's beautiful, but beauty is common. I wonder what else she has going for her" while conveying that to her by both your conversational ques and the body language you give off. Hell, you can even pose that in the form of a question by asking her... "well you're certainly beautiful, but beauty is common. What else do you have going for yourself?".

Then you slowly vamp things up while continually dropping feelers and giving her the opportunity to convey where she stands. You let her demonstrate to you how fast she wants you to escalate. You can do that through means of physical contact, which really is not an option but is mandatory, by manipulating her body. If you hold her hand does she withdraw or not; things like that. And of course you can do it through conversational means.

So to sum things up, my answer is found somewhere in the middle but with a focus on tailoring your advancements to the individual. Because lets face it, if there was one technique that worked on everyone, then things would be simple and everyone would have someone.

p.s. I'm not even sure if I'm answering your question. It's very confusing.

shadowscapes · Accepted Answer

women like when guys can be open about their feelings without being on constant gusher mode

jessica849 · Accepted Answer

Be upfront. Honestly. 5 years ago I might have said the opposite, but thinking back I can still recall the few guys that really told me how they feel - and to this day they still have an impact on me, and we stay in touch. It's just easier when you understand someone's intentions, and even if you're rejected, remember that we all have a tendency to like people more when we know they like us.

kimberlyxxx · Accepted Answer

Upfront but casual, not full of drama like in a soap opera lololol! It should not be very serious! 'I think I like you, I want to get to know you' or 'I want to court you' is enough. I don't like the moon and the stars being offered to me lololololol!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Upfront! If you ask her out to "get coffee" you're risking being put in the friendzone.  If she likes you, she wants to date you, not play games.  Ask her out, woo her, flirt with her.

kangaru · Answer

I prefer upfront because I like people who are straightforward and will not make md wonder what their actions are about. Sometimes I catch no hint and it tend to confused me...

Anonymous · Answer

I like when guys are upfront because it shows maturity. One thing I can't stand is when people play mind games, we're not in high school anymore. Being upfront just saves a lot of time and guessing in the long run.

mike5150 · Answer

I am always upfront but for the most part women I know simply just don't care

PamGrierFan · Answer

Upfront for sure. I don't do well with signals, straight up he has got to tell me how he is feeling.

Foodmakesmehappy · Answer

Totally upfront!

Anonymous · Answer

Not. Guys can't express feelings

Do you prefer guys to be upfront or not about their feelings?

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