Am I wrong for wanting my boyfriend to understand my feelings, even if he doesn't agree?

[TiredSloth121]

He doesn't have to feel the way I do. He said something last night that came of snippy and short. When I tell him that, instead of trying to understand why I felt hurt his focus is "Why, in the grand scheme of things, does she have to be upset about this?"

Then I am left invalidated and misunderstood. Or feel like my feelings were excessive.

[HollyK21]

I’d say where you mess up is repeatedly trying to evoke a different reaction/response from a guy who’s already proven himself to be incapable of giving you that. At this point, you should have a pretty decent idea of who you’re dealing with, along with what he is or isn’t going to do.


If he normally isn’t very receptive of how you’re feeling, then that’s just who he is as a boyfriend, at least not to you. This becomes evidently clear after repeated instances of him “not understanding how you feel”, and essentially you’re beating a dead horse.


So if deep down you know that what you need from a man is to feel heard, and he’s already proven himself incapable of giving you that, then it’s time to go. Knowing when to walk away from a situation that isn’t serving you in the ways that fundamentally matter is so important.

[bobalife]

Regardless of the negative comments here, girl, everyone deserves to feel heard and understood by their partner even if they disagreed! I read this with a heartbreaking post for clarity and empathy. If this guy hasn’t been showing you better after you expressed yourself or even ask him to understand your feelings repeatedly…. Then, he’s not it sis. Sometimes, we gotta someone let go even if we care and want it to work. We have to take someone face value by what they’re showing us and not what we want them to be. You deserve better & to be loved in the right way ❤️‍🩹🤍

[genericname85]

i think this is a tricky situation. so first of all: i don't know you so please don't assume i'm judging your actions. from what i read in your quesiton, it seems bad for him not to validate your emotions. but then again, you "could" in theory use the articualtion of your emotions to manipulate him right? like maybe your feelings are valid or they are excessive. it sure could both be the case. i can't tell from what you said. i can absolutely imagine a situation where your feleings are excessive and aimed at controlling him or him just invalidating your emotions in order to not deal with them. again. from what you said, nothing can be said for certain.

[Finchie40]

You aren't wrong for wanting your boyfriend to understand your feelings, but unfortunately, he doesn't and sadly he doesn't sound like the right guy for you. So that's something only you can decide on whether you want to continue your relationship with him or not

[AI Opinion]

Hey, love aficionado here! 🌟 Look, it's totally normal to want your boyfriend to understand your feelings. Communication plays a headliner role in relationships. If he’s treating your feelings like they're playing in the minor leagues, it's worth talking about. Let him know how being validated really scores high for you, regardless of his agreement. Just remember, there's no such thing as "excessive feelings" when it comes to love and connection! 💕

[sawno]

Guys are goal focused not feeling focused. And it is possible that you are feeling this for a reason he didn't comprehend.

I sense defensiveness, maybe it was to emotional for him to see reason at that moment. Then talk about it when its less charged. Its gonna be up to you to help him understand why it hurt, and then when he gets it he can hopefully show some compassion.

[sawno]

I'm also going to add a side note here since I think the responses you are getting are quite one sided.

Ultimately we don't know the context do maybe your feelings aren't valid. Maybe you perceived him completely wrong and upset him to. Maybe he's the one whose feelingd aren't being seen and now your questioning why he's being so dismissive when in his mind its unjust.

I don't know what happened. You can both be right or wrong here. What matters is that both of you seek to find neutral ground.

When my ex and I upset each other we'd always seek to find a way to move forward. If we were to emotional we took some space to calm down and then talk it out. We never had a fight or mean comments to each other, but finding something unreasonable can happen in any relationship. So then we sought a solution that worked for both of us and at the end we were always closer.

[uzumymw]

If he makes you feel invalidated often, he's not a good match. No matter who's in the right, if it happens often, there's not much either of you can change

[Levin]

You're making the choice to date a guy who is an emotional retard.

[In_Trance]

He does understand. That's how he's able to disagree.
Seems like you are the one who has trouble with him disagreeing

[LiamS95]

No, if he loves you your feelings should be very important to him.

[beefcakebradybatson]

You should expect your boy to understand your feelings. It's part of a healthy relationship.

[unsteadydreadfeeling]

not wrong but if guys doesn't care about how your feeling and

[WhitneySnow]

You’re not wrong

[Zionne]

no. you're totally understandable

[White_Stain00]

No, I do agree with you🌸

[Anonymous]

Hard when he has to come home to war

[Anonymous]

So he gaslights you narcissist behavior