Why my boyfriend gets mad when I just imply how I feel about him?

[Anonymous]

Is this a red flag?
One example: he was often talking about his exes. I told him one day “seems you miss your exes all the time”. And he was like what do you mean? Why did you start talking about this out of nowhere. And I said because I have to say it. I want to know the reason why you talk about them and just said I wonder if you miss them. Like why are getting mad. Then he said that he’s getting mad cause I bring sth totally absurd and it’s a passive agression. That I assume things. And said “if you feel uncomfortable you just should say it openly, not implying things”. And said that he will never talk about them anymore.

But the things is it makes me upset that he doesn’t try to confront me but saying like this:(

Updates

1 y

Also he said it doesn’t have any sense that he doesn’t give an f about his past and why he should hide it. When we are suppoudly to me mutual confident we can talk about everything openly with each other

[DishLady]

Sigh... So guys WANT to know about your exes... sort of... but not really. They REALLY want to hear "My ex was the worst. I'm so glad I'm with you... my hero" (not precisely like that, but if you go singing the ex's praises or are too positive about an ex your man is bound to get cranky). He wants to be the main guy on your mind and in your heart. But guys just aren't as strong and confident as they want us to think they are... EVEN IF your guy's a good sport he'll get cranky.

If there's something you're bringing up to your man because HE IS REMINDING YOU about something your exes did that turned you off (or caused you to leave them), then you have to say so very plainly so he gets it. Otherwise he will imagine a million different reasons for your bringing them up.

In the end, your exes are exes for a reason and it's very important to let your man know that... You're not sitting around sweating your exes. (Some guys think that because THEY actually keep a short mental reel of their exes for their "spank bank"... just another guy thing.)

[Lynx122]

I think he just doesn't understand that you're more emotional and want to be comforted by him. You should try and tell him that. Don't talk about the topic that gets you upset talk about that you want to be special to him and things like that. If you spell it out more clearly he's more likely to understand what you want.

[Asker]

yes probably, thank you. He just says that I should learn to control my emotions and communicate 🙄

[luvstoned4him]

he sounds like he's gaslighting you to me

[Asker]

I also feel like this sometimes and I even told him that, but he was denying of course

[luvstoned4him]

@Asker, yep. def gas lighting. I dont know about you but the minute I dont feel heard, am gone

[spartan55]

I'd love to hear his side of this.