Why does my boyfriend thinking I’m arguing when I tell him my feelings?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. He grew up with emotionally constipated parents and his feelings were shut down and not treated with empathy. He was taught he shouldn’t have big/negative feelings and was criticized a lot. He is 21.

He’s gotten more emotionally mature and empathetic since we’ve been dating but it still lacks

Frequently when I try to express my feelings to him about something (whether it be something that hurt me or trying to understand something from his end) he gets irritated and exasperated rapidly and tells me I’m arguing with him or starting an argument or that “nothing about this has been productive”, usually because he can’t figure out how to voice his own feelings. It makes me feel bad when he says that when I’m trying to figure things out. Part of the reason it isn’t “productive” is because he shuts down and gets exasperated and angry so quickly. He will try to run away to go somewhere else as soon as he starts getting exasperated.
This can happen with small things.
It can be confusing for me because this doesn’t always happen, but it does happen pretty often. He tends to not be very patient and gets irritated rapidly. He usually apologizes later on for getting irritable with me so much (sometimes he even gets nasty). I’m just not sure what to do. He says he will work on it but it’s been a thing for a while.

We recently moved to a new living setting (separate but close to each other) and I was pmsing, a relative died two weeks before, and I was very stressed and insecure feeling from it all. Whenever I tried to discuss my insecurity with him or bad feelings he would get upset and very worked up and would say if I couldn’t get it together we would need to break up.

that was 2 weeks ago and it has died down since. I asked him cautiously about it and he said he was overwhelmed with the move too and wished we could just handle our own stuff at the time and he was at his limit and couldn’t handle mine.

Why does my boyfriend thinking I’m arguing when I tell him my feelings?
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