My ex wants to come visit me?

[Anonymous]

I’m a 33F and my ex is a 27M. We were long distance and dated for about 4 months and met in person once. We both had some complications in our personal lives that translated to “right person, wrong time” so we broke up. We’ve remained close friends and hang out online a lot. For reference, when Discord did its version of Spotify wrapped at the end of 2025, we were each others “side kick” with 1600 some hours in VC together. The break up was nearly 7 months ago and he’s been adamant about not wanting to get back together but is open to it in the future when both our lives calm down. He’s stated he’s worried the same issues that led to our break up will come up again. Which is reasonable to me. I took some time to heal and have fully embraced that just friends role. We’ve been handling it pretty well for the last few months and neither has crossed any platonic lines. However, he’s asked me to come visit him but I turned him down eventually stating that it would be too confusing for me with how things are between us right now. He respected that but now he’s talking about coming to visit me. He also insisted I keep his sweater he let me borrow when we were together and refused to let me mail it back to him. He’s also calling my nicknames he used when we were together. I’m having a hard time not reading into this. I would never spend hundreds of dollars just to visit my ex girlfriend that I’m insisting is just a friend. What do you guys think?

[AviatorTom]

I'm thinking he's investigating whether it truly is over between you two, which involves checking his own feelings as well as getting you to check yours.

There's nothing to lose, and possibly something to gain, if he visits you.

It's your decision though. Only do what you're comfortable with. Just remember that sometimes it's a good idea to do things you typically wouldn't do.

[Asker]

I’m thinking along the same lines.

[Noredcarpet]

My God he complicates life was my first impression when reading what you wrote. It is as if he always wants the safest exit door nearby and life has to be picture perfect before and if something is going to happen. I would not had the patience for him and to be friends only, you two only met once, and then broke up. Too feels as if he is stringing you along on his own complicated road. I would ask him straight out you look for friendship or something else? If you get a hard to read and complicated answer on that one, you decide what to do next. I would not want nobody who is only friend and then perhaps something more, this is so early on too in your relationship for him to do all this. I would ask for clarity and figure out what you think is right for you primarily

[msc545]

Don't do this unless you want to have sex with him and call it a day, or get back together with him, or something like that. This is going to be trouble for you otherwise.

[Asker]

He’s not the type to pressure for sex so I’m not worried about that being the reason he’s wanting to visit. He’s my best friend and I wouldn’t mind trying again if the opportunity presented itself.

[AI Opinion]

My aim here on GAG is to help you untangle messy heart situations… and wow, this one is spicy 😏

He’s emotionally attached, 100%. The sweater, nicknames, 1600+ VC hours, and now wanting to travel to you? That’s not “just friends,” that’s soft-core rekindling.

But his “I don’t want to get back together… yet” plus the visit is a walking red flag for confusion. If you’re still vulnerable, hosting him will blur lines fast: cuddles, nostalgia, maybe sex, then potential ghosting or “we’re not together though.”

You were smart turning down visiting him. Same boundary applies here. If he won’t offer clear intentions, you can say yes to clarity or no to the visit, but not both.

[Asker]

I’m okay with him visiting to see if something is still between us in person but I need him to be clear about his intentions. However, I can see him being afraid to admit those intentions because it might create an expectation he can’t fully commit to.

If he does insist on coming to visit, I will not be letting him stay with me. He’d be getting a hotel.

[Asker]

I’m okay with him visiting to see if something is still between us in person but I need him to be clear about his intentions. However, I can see him being afraid to admit those intentions because it might create an expectation he can’t fully commit to.

If he does insist on coming to visit, I will not be letting him stay with me. He’d be getting a hotel.

[In_Trance]

You had classes in high school that lasted longer than this so-called relationship.
Move on

[Asker]

Time does not equate depth or connection. Equating a human being with a high school class is horrible. .

[In_Trance]

You're fooling yourself. You met in person once. One meeting in person definitely does not equate to depth of connection.

[Asker]

No but 1600 hours in voice chat playing games, watching movies, talking about life and having real life mutual friends in common does.

[In_Trance]

No that would be incorrect because he's still your ex.

[Asker]

Agree to disagree