How do you deal with losing a colleague you have feelings for?

[Anonymous]

I talked about this before.
I have feelings for a woman I work with but she’s unavailable, being in relationship
I was playing a very long game hoping she would one day break up with her boyfriend to ask her out (without saving myself in the meantime)

But last week she was told that she’s being let go.

Funny enough it brought us even closer in the short term but I’m also gearing up to wave her goodbye within 3 weeks

I’m at a loss
Part of me knows distance will cure these feelings
But part of me doesn’t wanna lose her
Aside from being my crush she’s also my closest work friend
Her absence is already felt and she’s still technically here

I don’t know how to deal with it
My mind is all over the place

You can judge me if you like but if you have any constructive advice I would appreciate that.

[Zionne]

It’s natural to feel conflicted. Losing a crush who’s also a close friend is tough, especially when they’re leaving. Focus on processing your feelings and creating some emotional distance once she’s gone, while cherishing the positive moments you had. A dating coach for men can help you navigate crushes and workplace dynamics so you manage your feelings without getting stuck, and guide you toward healthier future connections.

[Asker]

No thanks.
I’ve been coached before
And I have a lot of success with women

But meaningless sex no matter how fun it was didn’t fulfill me

As pathetic as it sounds, a heart to heart conversation with this girl during lunch left me with a wider smile for the rest of the day than the days I had a booty call in the morning and a different one in the evening

[Telekinetic-Potato]

I'd take it as a sign.

You don't want to be that guy bro. It's not a good thing. I mean, I'm sure most of us have from time to time including me. But it's unhealthy to play that game and dishonorable.

If it's meant to be you'll run into eachother again when the time is right. And it will increase your chances that you let the distance come so naturally. But spend the time she's taken to get into your own relationships. That's going to give you experience, growth and confidence that will pay you so much more than waiting on someone to break up with a guy who you don't know what state of mind she might be in when that day comes.

You had a decent excuse when you worked together, my advice is don't do it. It's going to cost you too much.

[Anonymous]

Mourning and get on with it. A girl i had been dating for 3 months got hit by a truck on her way from the coffee shop, id known her well over a year. Hard going in to work after, our desks were right beside each other. I worked another 2 years there and id look up id expect her to be there but itd be someone else and id feel sadness, I mean since we started dating we were never apart, spent every night together. Was only 3 months but this was the real thing.

[Asker]

I’m so sorry for your loss man.
That makes my story sound trivial.

But I too sat beside her and I keep looking left every two minutes expecting her to be there waving me over to show me what she’s working on

Mine is not dead so I won’t pretend to share your feeling of grief but I’ve not felt this alone in a long time

[MontBlanc]

Start with acceptance , acknowledge your feelings without shame.

Then:
• Create some distance to process emotions
• Focus on your own work and goals
• Lean on friends or trusted confidants for support
• Reflect on what the experience taught you

It’s okay to feel sad, but don’t let it disrupt your life. Over time, the emotional weight fades and you can move forward.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to untangle messy heart knots like this and keep you from emotionally lovebombing the wrong person 😏

You’re grieving two things at once: a crush and a close work friend. That’s heavy, not pathetic.

Be there for her as a solid, respectful friend. Support her exit, celebrate her, maybe grab a goodbye coffee, swap socials, but don’t confess romantic feelings now. She’s losing her job, not shopping for a rebound.

After she’s gone, let time and distance do their magic. Refocus on your own life: hobbies, friends, dating other people, maybe even a new crush who’s actually available and in your orbit. That “long game” you were playing was emotionally ghosting yourself, saving your heart for someone who was never really on the market. Big red flag for your own happiness.

Miss her, appreciate what she meant to you, then gently let the fantasy version of her go. The real connection was valuable, but you deserve a love that doesn’t require waiting in the lobby forever, handsome.

[Asker]

For once the bot makes decent sense
I agree with the idea that I’m emotionally unavailable because of her
And it’s not a good thing

But I would be lying to myself if I claimed to fall for someone else so soon

[Selene1600000]

You got emotionally attached to someone who gave you comfort and connection every day, so losing both the crush and the friendship at once is going to hurt for a while. Distance probably will help you heal, because staying emotionally invested in someone unavailable can keep you stuck and prevent you from building a life that fully moves forward. Try to appreciate the friendship for what it was without building your future around the hope that her relationship ends, because that hope is what’s making this goodbye feel unbearable.

[Asker]

You made me revisit this 3 months later and right now I can agree with you.
The blinders are well lifted by now

To tell the truth I still see her in my dreams from time to time.
Two nights ago the dream was very intense

And sometimes during the day I hear her name ringing in my ear randomly

But otherwise I’ve moved on.
I can finally take pleasure in seeing people who are not her
That emotional dependence is no longer there.

But I also know if my phone rang and I saw her name I might tumble right back in.

Good news is: we’ve kept our distance

[Nikki1989]

Don't be so weak. Have the inner strength to move on from it.

[Anonymous]

Dude if you tell her any of this her response is gonna be "i have a boyfriend" then you'll really be crushed and heartbroken because your fantasies that never happened will really be crushed and out the door. It's best to keep your mouth shut so your little delusions don't get crushed or heartbroken

[Opinion Owner]

Unless you want to hear the classic "i have a boyfriend" from her big mouth i suggest you keep yours shut and let her be on her way

[Opinion Owner]

Right now you got all that dopamine flooding your brain let things go for a while to let your dopamine settle and serotonin reset itself

[Opinion Owner]

Then you'll be able to think more logically and clearly and see i was right

[Asker]

At no point did I consider telling her any of this

I know she won’t chose me over him

And i wouldn’t want her to cheat on him either because that would make her a cheater who might cheat on me as well

I recognize that I lost.
And with her leaving I’m never getting a fair rematch.

all I’m doing now is trying to deal with those emotions and move on

[In_Trance]

Meh.
One door closes, another opens.
Coworkers come and go

[Asker]

Although ideally I don’t fall for a coworker and force myself to see her every day

This one was a slip up

She was just too much my type for me to ignore

[In_Trance]

But she wasn't your type;
She was someone else's type. Still is.

[Asker]

One doesn’t preclude the other though…
She had the mind and the body of what I always described as my ideal woman.
She was my type in every way that mattered

Her being with someone else doesn’t mean i can turn my feelings off like a light switch

[Anonymous]

How do u know she’s in a relationship

[Asker]

She told me as much.
We’re close work friends
I know nearly everything about her private life. Even some dark stuff she doesn’t share with anyone at all.

She was dating a guy when we met but was planning to end the relationship

Then a month later I find out that she did end it but then started seeing someone else

I couldn’t sleep for days
I felt like I had a shot but missed it during the time she was single

Truth is, the new boyfriend was already in her life before and he too waited for his opportunity

He’s also a bit older than me and makes 5 times what I make, which mean’s he’s rich.

So I couldn’t compete on a logistical level

As for the emotional, if I had more time
Who knows…
But she’s not the type to cheat and neither am I so I wasn’t going to try and take her from him (even though I wanted to so badly)

The bottom line is she’s now moved in with him part time and since she lost her job she’ll likely move in permanently to save on rent.

It’s over. He’s won.
He gets the money, the girl, everything.

And I just get a few fond memories to haunt my sleep

[Opinion Owner]

What about her mind and body