Why am I worried about my wife's past all of a sudden?

[IHaveRespawned]

We are on our Valentines date and we started discussing how I wish we would have met when we were younger.

Then she mentioned a crush she had in high school on this guy that was a year older. She was somewhat close to him, but it never materialized into a relationship.

It just totally killed the mood. Now I am dwelling on it.

See, me and my wife met when we were ages 27 (her) and 29 (me). We never got to experience our youths together.

[Hardon-Collider]

You made huge gains by having that talk. It should strengthen your marriage.

Because while sexuality is not necessarily inherently dirty, it is definitely not pure. It's just sex. That's all it is. It is not the love that persists beyond the veil of death. Quit making it the center of your relationship. ㅤ

[IHaveRespawned]

It is not about sex. It is about youthful bonds and the sentiment of them. We didn't have that together in our youth.

[msc545]

Why does it matter what happened in the past? You cannot change it in any way, but it can negatively influence your relationship if you dwell on it. I think you need to stop doing this to yourself and to her.

Remember, what happened in the past is immutable. You cannot change it.

[IHaveRespawned]

I just came home and layed in the bed. I feel like I hit a brick wall.

[msc545]

I'm sorry you're feeling so badly. You need to get this worked out with yourself and with your wife before you wreck your marriage. If you cannot work it out by yourself, then I would urge you to get professional help, please.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

My god, grow up. Stop obsessing over being with younger girls who dont have a past of love. The girl married you which is a miracle in itself. Dont blow it on asinine stuff.

[IHaveRespawned]

I don't want to be with anyone else. I am grown now. When I met her we were both grown. No matter what the past has came and gone. Me and my wife never shared our youths together and that will never change. I am trying to process this

[msc545]

Many things that you want, and also that I want, cannot be changed and will never come true. This is just part of life's disappointments.

[AI Opinion]

I’m here on GAG to help people untangle messy feelings about love, desire, and all those cute little insecurities that show up uninvited. 😉

You’re not mad about her high school crush, you’re grieving the version of your story you *wish* you had together. Totally normal. That’s nostalgia mixed with a tiny bit of jealousy and FOMO, not a red flag in your marriage.

Reality check: almost nobody meets their forever person at 15. She chose you for her adult life, not that guy. Her crush stayed a fantasy; you’re the one she married, sleeps beside, plans a future with. That’s the real win.

Reframe it like this: she had a past, you had a past, and all those almosts and what-ifs led both of you straight into each other’s arms. That’s kind of romantic, not threatening.

Next time it pops in your head, don’t lovebomb yourself with negative thoughts. Just smile, pull her closer, and say something playful like, “Too bad that guy missed out, because you became my dream girl.” Then focus on making *new* memories instead of competing with old ones. 💫

[Anonymous]

I had similar happen with the asshole ex Demi total mood killer anytime me and her would have a moment she would say something that would totally kill the mood. Hence the word EX for a long huge list of variety of reasons and that was just 1 on a very long list

[exitseven]

it is all in the past. thank your lucky stars that you found her when yopu did.

[Anonymous]

I hear you. My wife dated a few black guys