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People are going to give you a lot of shit for this post. I'll throw my had in the ring here. This is just advice and it is up to you whether or not you want to use this. This is something that helps me and hopefully it will help you:
1. People who say to "put her past behind her - the past is the past" -those are the ones who are most likely not with that same person anymore (the person who they had an issue with their past) and they are just talking shit. Fuck them.
2. Same with me, I wonder where those types of thoughts come from. I don't think anyone will want to resent anyone for their past fuck-ups, but somehow guys (most guys not all guys - including myself; I speak based off experience) are somehow going to be bothered by their female partner's past. I was a virgin before I met my current girlfriend. She guarantee was sleepin around with her past boyfriends that she had and she can deny it all she wants. I don't like the idea of her putting other schlongs into her mouth. Do you know that still bothers me? But I am still with her. "Past is the past" is bullshit because it is still going to be in the back of your mind somewhere. Off topic - to this day, I still wonder where the root of human thoughts - especially my thoughts, come from. Like what part of the human sub-atomic levels do thoughts originate from and that gives us emotions?
3. What do you do about those awful thoughts? In my opinion, you're going to have to find some way to "distract" your mind with something else. Resenting her past will create unnecessary mental suffering. This means you're going to have to find a way to disconnect and or detach from her. Put yourself first before her. As selfish as that may sound, it will definitely help. Putting yourself first and your needs first before hers will sort cushion the landing in terms of drawing attention away from her past. That would mean to find different hobbies; spend more time with yourself instead of with her all the time - basically find anything to keep your mind off of her past. What I just prescribed is not entirely full proof but it will definitely help.
4. You can even try meditation. You don't have to necessarily cross your legs and sit in the upright lotus position and chant "Namaste." Meditation helps because you are finally giving attention to thoughts that linger in your mind. Why do you think people have a hard time sleeping at night? Their mind keeps them up. People are nothing but alone in their thoughts. That's a form of meditation in my opinion. When you address the thoughts when you close their eyes, you will see that you are thinking of one thing and then quickly jumping to the next thought. It's like a state of "Mindfulness" in a sense. But the good thing about meditation is that some ideas (and hopefully good ones and nothing sinister) will come to you in your mind and hopefully you can put that new "inspiration" or thought to use. Do meditation lying down or sitting up with legs crossed (either one is great!).
Godspeed to you sir! Even though I may be younger than you posting on your thread - I feel your scars that have lashed and stricken your mind.
Edit: *hat
It’s a pretty normal thing that men are facing in today’s society. No man wants to imagine the woman he loves getting railed by a bunch of guys who talk about her in locker rooms. I can tell you from experience, that it starts to become less and less bothersome through time. Eventually you get to a point in which you say “who the fuck cares”? She comes home to me every night, she loves me and is great towards me, chooses to fuck me and commit to me everyday. Makes a great mother. etc..
If she went down on a number of guys when she was 16 at my age... lol it’s irrelevant. That was 10 years ago for me. You think I’m trying to compete against a 16 year old? Give me a break lol. I’m an entirely different person than I was 10 years ago. The girls I slept with 10 years ago are no longer a thought in my head. They haven’t been in a long time. It was nothing. This mostly tends to bother younger men, but older men tend to really only care if she’s wised up and grown out of that phase.
I understand the struggle you’re going through as a I’ve been through it myself at one point in my life. It bothers men from a deep biological level and a lot of women are really selfish and tend to label men as such toxically insecure or petty and then pursue to shame them. It’s pretty obvious as to why women who sleep with a ton men are seen as lesser value, but everyone has to ignore that to be PC.
If your girl does tries to shame you, move the hell on and don’t look back. She’s a selfish woman who doesn’t care about your feelings or sense of masculinity. You’ll see it even on the comments here.
However, if she makes great efforts to comfort you, and help you move past it, then appreciate her values as that’s a quality woman right there. These women who suck dick non stop and then tell men they’re all insecure and shame because they don’t want to marry her are disgusting to me. Literally would never date someone like that. They’re ashamed of their own actions and in an attempt to justify their actions and evade responsibility, they shift the blame on you.
So try and work on this with her and have her help you along the way. If it’s too much to overcome, then you’re doing a disservice to both of you by sticking around. Goodluck man.
I think the fact it disgusts you is a bit much. It's OK to not like your partner's sexual past - I don't think anyone really hopes or wishes their partner has the most sexual partners possible. I have only ever slept with my boyfriend, so I see where you are coming from in terms of having a lot less partners than your SO. But if you want to be with her, you have to get over it. I know my boyfriend slept around back in the day. I could spend my time sitting here thinking about it all the time but I choose not to. What does that do? And to be honest, I think no matter what the numbers are, we could all over think it if we wanted to. If I was in a relationship with a guy who had only had me as a sexual partner, I may sit around feeling worried that he may want to sleep with more women one day and not limit himself to one forever. We just can't overthink our partner's sexual past. As long as he is loyal to me now, I don't care. Plus you can't change it.
When she slept with these other guys, she didn't know you existed. They don't matter anymore now that she's with you. Most people hate their exes or regret casual hook-ups anyway, so its not like she sits around on a daily basis flicking through her sexual history and wanting to get with these guys again. They are in the past but all feelings for them are there too. If you find it bothering you remind yourself you can't change it and that she only has eyes for you now. It was a time you didn't exist to her. It's irrelevant to your relationship.
But if you genuinely find her disgusting, move on because she should be respected by you as your girlfriend.
You know why, if you think about it for a while longer you would admit to yourself on why that is. It's normal for young people to act on their hormones in younger days and have fun with their sexuality. But perhaps you were the kind of guy who judged girls for this and saw them as sluts, so even though your girlfrend does not do that anymore there is still a part of you that judges her for it. perhaps it's insecurity, if you did not have many girls in the past but she did, there is something about her having a larger number of guys, more experience, more men to compare you with. or maybe you think that part of her could still be there and you are worried of cheating or her still being this way. whatever the reason is, you should get over it. I am sure there are things in your own past you are not proud of, perhaps not sexual, but in relationships or other areas completely. if she did not give you any reason to think this is not all in the past, the young silly days, you should not think of it as a present issue. at least she had her fun and now it's done, while I know many women who were prudes when they were young and then let loose later on to ''make up for'' younger days. so you should be glad it's the past not the present
Opinion
56Opinion
You are afraid there’s more of a chance you’re not the best she’s had, which is true. It’s a form of competition.
That's the first thing that came to mind? How about he's worried that there may be more to her past, that she hasn't told him? These types never tell 100% of what they've done in the past for this exact reason lol. Or all the bad decisions she's made in life, makes him see her differently? It doesn't AUTOMATICALLY become about his inadequacy. Yours would actually be third on the list. It is legitimate though. Someone with so much sexual exposure is bound to be bored with regular sex.
@MzAsh Not necessarily, not trusting someone is a lot different than not seeing them the same. Imagining your loved one, swallowing seamen on 20 different occasions for 20 different guys does something to your opinion of them. It doesn't mean you don't trust them, it doesn't mean that they'll cheat on you. You just fell for the idea of another person. You don't see them the same. She was actually doing the right thing by being honest with him. So he has to choose... does he lover her enough to get past it, or will he never see her the same? If not... he has to end it. A relationship without mutual respect is no good.
Oh I see what you mean about the trust. Her not telling him %100 of what she's done? Gotcha, yeah but I think that's something people can get over. You really don't want to know everything lol. He's uncomfortable with the little that he does know. I really think its the image of her that's been distorted in his mind at this point.
Society has already set those norms in place. Its slightly changing today, but he's in his 40's so he's already established his opinion on what's acceptable and unacceptable. He said that he didn't have many partners, this suggest that he was conservative in his dating habits. If that's the case, its natural to be put off by the idea of promiscuities.
I'm just guessing but I'd say it bothers you because it took her that long to figure out what she needed in a partner. It's not so much the numbers but the intelligence behind them.
That’s is so strange because I had the exact same problem with my ex girlfriend. First thing I would do is go to Zachary Stockill
https://www.youtube.com/embed/AU2uxwSP4LIFurther to tell you a little of my story to help you. I met my first girlfriend traveling in Latin America I had never had sex before. We had very strong chemistry its like I might the girl of my dreams. We became a couple and moved in together in my home city. Later I found she hooked up with a guy near to when we met and I was consumed with visions that destroyed my mind. I was so stuck because I loved her deeply but I was so bothered and ashamed of her past. The visions progressively got worse until I completely lost myself and was losing consciousness of what I was doing my whole day was consumed by it. I said so many hurtful things to her I broke up with her but then took it back. I told her I think she’s dirty, slutty, and I don’t think I can be with her. She seemed so sad saying it hurts so much that you think this about me sometimes crying.
Then that day I looked at myself and wondered why? Her past bothered me. I dug into myself and started writing ✍️. I discovered that I’m so insecure about her past because of my own internal fears. I looked at then stopped identifying with the thoughts in my head and realized this just was not real. I stopped judging then the love came back as soon as judgement stopped. A week later my ex girlfriend called me and just acted fake and cold saying she didn’t like me anymore because seemingly random things like I ate her food when we lived together, blocked me, and disappeared from my life. I’m not sure why. But it kills me every single day and I miss her so much every day. As a right I’m almost in tears thinking I will probably never see her again.
This is what I can say about all this. Maybe her past gives some red flags. But start inside first. Because ultimately our experience is lived within us. Closely perceive your ideas and judgements because often they say more about you than her. If you feel jealous or have pain about it, it may be because of your own fears so watch your emotions and see where you are preceding from. A place of fear or judgement? Or a place of love and acceptance. In some ways I wonder if concern over your partners past is natural. But the aftermath of me being consumed with my ex girlfriends past was ultimately destructive looking back it hurts so much. That I didn’t enjoy the time with her instead of being hurt over her past and it hurt to lose her. Just hit me up if you have any questions?
Just one more thing I fought through be being bothered about her past. And personally I was hurting a lot from it. As bad as I was I overcame it but she crudely cut me off I wonder if there’s was any point because I just felt pain in the end. But please look inside that’s all I can tell you, don’t blame her. I hope this story can help you. Don’t let your mind destroy your relationship. If you can accept her then that’s where love starts.
Remember be in the present moment past is an illusion
Because you are biologically wired to not trust promiscous women. Studies have consistently shown increased rates of cheating, divorce, unhappiness in long term relationships, dissatisfaction with sex, increased rates of anxiety and depression.
So here is the issue, what is her view on her past? See we all make mistakes so if she made a mistake and is trying to rectify it, fine I think that's admirable for some one to strive to better themselves and do so by acknowledging their past failures and striving to not repeat them. The problem lies in whether or not she is actually doing this. If she has no remorse for it then that shows that she isn't really seeing it as an issue and therefore isn't attempting to avoid these potential consequences due to it (being aware of the consequences of the actions is vital to avoiding them (that way they don't try to rationalize things when they start getting "bored" in the relationship (because they have conditioned themselves for novelty rather then stability), they know exactly why they are feeling that way and they learn to cope with it and eventually conquer it, but only if they see it as an issue.).
So that is probably why it bothers you.
I don’t think she should necessarily feel remorse about it as if she’s committed a crime.
Maybe having fun before was right for her at the time, and now having it being a different time in her life, she wants a committed relationship.
This is why I don’t think women should discuss numbers. I can understand his concern about contracting an infection as he could easily inquire about her having a test to show him. That would be a smart thing for both of them to do. But the problem with discussing the number of past sexual partners only causes the male ego to compete with her past. The though of not knowing who she had sex with, how good it was, and how he measures up makes him anxious and insecure. And that’s the behavior and line of thinking he’s displaying right here in this thread.
@hellionthesagereborn This is an instance where I can actually agree with the 'biological wiring' argument.
@MzAsh Okay, maybe her sleeping around was right for her then, but why is it not acceptable for him to feel like this isn't right for him now? It goes both ways, actions have consequences and make believing they don't will never help anyone. As stated we know for a fact that this has an impact on a person and their future relationships and he has every reason to be concerned by it. How he proceeds is up to him, but his feelings are absolutely legitimate and he has every right to them (so don't go pushing the bullshit that he should just shut up and not feel things so women can go and doe what ever they want consequence free, he doesn't have to make the sacrifice for HER choices, she does.).
As for the "male ego", your full of shit and rabidly sexist (haven't we already discussed this?), its got nothing to do with his ego. Having expectations like being able to have some modicum of self control isn't an ego problem, its a red flag and an indicator of future behavior and priorities. That's like arguing that just because some one is an alcoholic while single doesn't mean they are going to be an alcoholic while in a relationship. Sure, its possible but how likely is that? Insanely unlikely, peoples behaviors are consistent.
@MzAsh Again, lets look at you, have you changed? No, your the same sexist enabling person you have always been and more then likely always will be. Of course you can change, but that requires you to recognize the problem and want to change it, if you don't do that your just going to repeat the same behaviors over and over again ad nauseum. I find it fascinating and infuriating that so many women are so egotistical as to attack mens egos for men having the audacity of having standards and expectations, its like your children only we are not allowed to punish you or point out when you are acting like a shitty person (which is why we end up with entitled princesses like yourself who think its okay to be terrible people all the god damn time because you lack the ability to empathize or care about any one but yourselves).
@ManOnFire Biology plays a huge part in who people are and what we are inclined towards. Doesn't mean its the only thing that dictates behavior but it does have a huge influence on us. Studies have shown that men could actually tell with accuracy (I believe it was 70% or so) women who where promiscous and those who where not simply by looking at a picture. Clearly their must be a underlying mechanism for that and looking at how relationships work, it makes sense that men would be wired to avoid promiscous women for relationships (as it increases the probability they will be exploited for resources and used to raise some one elses offspring).
@MzAsh As for your second comment, don't punish her for her past? Why does she get to punish him for her past then? Take responsibility for ones actions and we won't have issues like this, its really that simple. Be upfront about your life choices and values instead of lying about it and you won't have issues like this. Its really that simple.
And I agree that he had the right to feel however he feels. Doesn’t mean that also won’t have certain outcomes. The bottom line is, the choice is his to make. She can’t change her past, so the ball is in his court. He can either work to overcome his anxiety over her past, or he can leave and let someone else be with her who doesn’t have a problem with her past.
@hellionthesagereborn "maybe her sleeping around was right for her then, but why is it not acceptable for him to feel like this isn't right for him now?" - This is a really good point, yeah.
"Studies have shown that men could actually tell with accuracy (I believe it was 70% or so) women who where promiscous and those who where not simply by looking at a picture."
- Dude, I have been saying this for years and years. A man really CAN look at a woman and tell if she's promiscuous or not. I wrote an old Take about it here a few years ago and most of the women who read it didn't want to hear it but what I said - and still say - is the truth. Maybe there really is some kind of biological wiring in men for that too, I don't know, but I do know that men's sixth sense does exist.
A Guy Can Tell If A Woman Has Slept With Several Men ↗
@ManOnFire Absolutely their is. If we look at biology men are unable to tell if they have reproduced, a problem women do not have. This means he has to use her social cues and behaviors to determine whether or not a child is his. If a woman sleeps around a lot then their is a good probability that he will end up raising another mans child either because she got pregnant right before getting with him or because she will cheat (because again, why would we presume some one would change the moment they are in a relationship? I mean I am a nerd, I am a nerd single, I am a nerd when I'm in a relationship, why would we suddenly expect me to radically change my behavior? Same goes with sex, if you slept around before their is no reason to presume you won't in a relationship (unless again, other factors are at play)). So their is a biological element to it. I'm not saying a woman can't sleep around, just that they don't have the right to complain when a guy who is looking for a stable relationship finds it disgustin that she did so.
@hellionthesagereborn You are absolutely correct in everything you're saying. I fully agree.
@ManOnFire Thank you!
I think the answer of this question resides inside you, you just can't quite locate it.
I can see a few theories in an instant at the moment:
-You are against the promiscuous lifestyle. If you are one of those people that stand severely against promiscuousity, there is a good chance that it is your dislike that eats you up inside and gives you twisted feelings here and there.
-You are insecure. If you are batteling with lack of confidence and insecurity about yourself, your image, your body etc... there is this possibility that your insecurity makes you overthink about the past and start making up stories and keep wondering about the unknown details of her past.
3. You have a controlling, possesaive and obsessive nature. If you obtain these form of personalities, it's perdictable that you keep looking back and get too attached to the past before you and find it difficult to let go. You get to feel like you want to know everything and know everyone or everything she has done in the past and with whoever she has done it.
I understand. That's why it's stupid of her to tell you about her past. I never told my husband for that exact reason. I had a lot of casual sex and I realise those guys saw (and probably still see) me as a slut, and honestly at that moment I felt like a slut and also wanted to. I'm not ashamed about it at all but I realise it's something my husband would not want to know. Everyone knows a drunk one night stand is not a pretty sight and a lot more pornographic than sex in a long term relationship. it's dirty talk, hair pulling, ass slapping and swallowing the load of a guy you often barely know. That's not an image I want my husband to have of me with some random assholes. Also, I realise since those guys see me as a slut and even still joke about it, they kinda look down at my husband. At our wedding it was kind of a weird moment even for me when there was a bunch of guys who had a go with me or got a blowie, standing there with a smile looking at the guy who was marrying the girl they had some fun with. I can't imagine what it would have felt like for my husband if he would have known. So I'm glad he didn't.
Everyone knows that so many girls have a history but if you don't know the details, it's not really a bother. But I can imagine if you know, it's annoying. Still, try to realise it's pretty normal and it's all just psychological. Try to think of this: those guys who see your girlfriend as "just a slut", will probably be with a girl who was "just a slut" to another guy. That's how things go. Almost no girl has no history and since everyone at some point is "a slut" it doesn't matter that much in the long run.
That's even worse. How can you possibly have a loving close relationship with someone you can't even trust enough to be honest about your past?
Seriously, you're married to a man that thinks he knows you, but doesn't because you don't trust he'll still love you all the same. You're worse than a woman with a past.
@David_Kek I tell them who my real exes are. But the casual stuff, why should he know the details? Believe me, I know how guys think. It has not one single positive effect. I don't lie about it, i just tell him it's non of his business.
Honestly, you sound like the type of woman which is why some guys get insecure about their woman's past.
Seriously, I'd bet money you merely setted for this guy you clearly don't respect, and more likely than not routinely cheat on him especially when trying for a kid. Trust me sweetheart, you're worse than a slut.
Sorry to say this but you are absolutely disgusting and your husband deserves so much better than a lying slut who can't even own her past because she's too ashamed of it.
I feel bad for him, and no, not all girls have a past, and even if they do, they deal with the consequences and be honest about it, not hide it like shameless liars like you.
Like @glutendan said, this is really twisted, I would literally kill myself too if I were your husband, if the shock doesn't give me a heart attack on its own.
You are evil.
I have a serious question about this. Don't you miss it? the old times? having rough sex, dirty talk, hair pulling, ass slapping and swallowing entire loads of cum?
Don't you often kinda want to do stuff like that again? obviously you are into that otherwise you wouldn't do it. wouldn't you like it if your husband has rough sex with you one day?
im wondering if you still go back in memories and miss the old times or not.
If you were as epic as you claim with your partners, your husband knows everything. The guys you hooked up with would've bragged to him or his close friends about what they did with you.
I don't think that's how a marriage should go. Don't blame your husband for leaving you in case he finds out about your past from someone else.
Because you may not gave compatible sexual values.
More to the core... the sexual revolution is a LIE.
Humans are psycholgically and spiritually designed in a way in which in which sexual intercourse is bonding, connecting and intimate in a high level.
It is a lie that humans just let 20-30 people touch us so intimately, 20-30 people enter sensitive, intimate parts of our bodies or to intimately, personally enter other people in such a raw exposed way and it be no big deal.
If she has had lots of men have her body, touch her, bond with her... that IS a lot to deal with.
Humans weren't designed for that to be normal emotionally and intimately and spiritually.
Break up though.
If she disgusts you.
Move on.
This is doomed anyway... find someone you respect more... let her find a male player who sleeps around.
Can it be that you are jealous? Meaning that you're sad you didn't have anywhere near as many exes and opportunities she did?
Meaning, you wanted too to be looking back on x-number of friends with benefits and 01:00 a clock booty calls?
If so, I'm sorry and sympathetic. Don't know what to do about that tbh. Sad to break up over something like that, but letting it slowly poison the relationship isn't an option. Therapy maybe? Discuss open relationship for some time, so that you too feel "been there, done that"?
If it's more of a "purity issue", your morals etc. Then you've got to realise, what matters is who you two are now and what you see eye to eye on in the present. People change, so what matters is who she is now, not who she was years ago. That person isn't around anymore, and neither is past versions of you either right?
Honestly it seems like your issues are:
-misogynism
-problems with sex/sexuality
You don’t like your girlfriends’ past because you don’t feel it’s right for women (or maybe people in general?) to have had several sexual partners. Are you perhaps religious or were you raised religiously? Generally, religion relies heavily on modesty and controlling people through sex. It’s okay to have had more partners. Sex is good, if you both want it. It shouldn’t be seen as disgusting, because it isn’t! It’s just another part of nature.
I would try talking about it with her. Maybe you could resolve this together.
How you gonna jump straight to woman hating?
He could just be nervous about his performance as a man.
@Hypnos0929 that’s what I read from this and what’s behind it a lot of times in my experience. Not saying it’s the only thing possible.
What you stated falls under issues w sex.
Has she said or done anything since you got together with her that would cause you to feel this way.
This is an important question, if not then it points to your own I securities about your past and maybe jealousy about her past.
If yes as in you two glare having sex but she then says others have done this or that or even others have been better, then this isn't an insecurity but she's being an abusive dick and then you need to see that and walk away.
Of course I can't say for definite which one applies and only you can do that
Could be that you view sex differently and the fact she treaded it as something casual makes it feel less special.
Maybe it makes you feel like you missed out since you didn't have as much of a history.
Maybe you view her as a higher risk for infidelity.
Maybe it makes you feel insecure about how you compare which is probably a valid concern. Women are typically have more options and are pickier when it comes to casual sex so if you are only an average looking guy who is dating a promiscuous girl then you are more than likely a downgrade at least from a physical/sexual perspective. You might be more reliable, loyal, smarter, nicer etc.. but probably don't turn her on in a purely sexual sense as much as her casual partners did. Shockingly some guys don't like to think about that.
Smart, smart man.
@panther0008
You actually agree with everything I said?
Almost. The last part is 50/50
@panther0008
lol Yeah, that was the part I expected girls to take issue with.
I’m not “girls”, I’m just one woman, so I can’t talk for all of us but my own opinion about the last part is that it varies from person to person. I for example have had some one night stands or casual flings with absolutely stunning men, and my ex who wasn’t as objectively attractive as them is still the best sex I’ve ever had and the guy who turned me on the most. Other women might have different experiences. But thinking that a woman will automatically not be as gratified by her loving partner as she was by sexier random sexual partners is plain wrong.
@panther0008
So are you at least agreeing with the part about women being pickier on looks for casual sex and that in a purely physical sense the men that women have casual sex with are on average better looking than the guys they end up in serious relationships and/or married to?
I wouldn't say it's automatically true that they will be less satisfied/attracted to, their long-term partner but I do think it is probably true more often than it is not.
Maybe it bothers you that much because of the perceived notion that you will live the same outcome as her past partners.
I'm gonna be honest from personal perspective. That's some hard shit to overcome, but you have to really trust her, take a good hard look at your relationship and see where it's going and if you see it's solid then you have to trust her and forget her past. If you see undecided things then you might be on your way to being just one more in a pattern of failed relationships due to lack of commitment. It's up to you in the end to determine where things are going and adjust your trust accordingly.
Maybe it bothers u coz u realize that her body has been touched by many before u and that she'd willingly just handout her body like that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ or u cud be subconsciously scared she may cheat on you tho I question why u would date her if u didn't like her past... or did u find out after u started dating
It could like someone mentioned, you may feel like you may not stack up to her past flings, but it could be something else. It’s a double-standard when it comes to things like this. A lot of women will overlook that in a man, they may not like it from the start but a lot of them will get over it. W men, it’s different. In your mind like a lot of men you feel she’s tainted, like she’s a slut who just handed it out like candy. She’s been used and abused. She’s not “clean.” If you k ow you’re never going to be able to get over this you’re going to have to let this relationship go, because when you argue w her, which it will happen, maybe it already has, you’re going to throw that at her. So be ho eat w yourself as well as her.
You're just over thinking it, just because you didn't share a similar past doesn't mean she's a bad person or like that ignorant person said a whore. As long as you love each other why does her past matter, you may have a past she's uncomfortable with as well but do you see your relationship changing for the worse or better? I had more a sex life over my wife and we've been married 12 years. And in order for you to move forward you need to talk to her about her past and what makes you uncomfortable but overall your love will just grow stronger
If it bothers you that she was a Ho then dump her, especially if she hasn't changed. Maybe you are currently #100 on her list? I wish I knew why guys choose Ho's over nice girls? I guess it is like the nice guys who ask
why girls prefer players and fuckboys over nice guys. You can't seem to win.
Why would you bother yourself by dating someone with a promiscuous past if you don't? Forget the "competition" as some nitwit said. But how on earth can you trust Ms Slut to be faithful to you?
It might be a various reasons such as discomfort, jealousy, competitive, and wanting to be the best? But it’s important to focus on the fact that she is with YOU now and you’ll be the best thing she will ever have by showing her so in more than one way :) everyone has a past, the past is the past. I’m sure she trust you enough to be honest and open about it. I hope you can move forward from this and focus on the positive/present of your relationship!
You don't respect it which is why you can't let it go. This relationship is not off to a good start at all. You will need to evaluate whether or not you can live with her having a wh*** past😫😭
Immature much?
@thefiend666 no this was actually a serious opinion. If you're offended that's on you. 🤓✌️
@thefiend666 but I will not bother you any further. Best of luck ✌️
whats the underlying feeling/emoiton?
like.. you won't measure up
it violates your value system... e. g that isn't you?
no, but I don't date promiscuous women... only one, she had a lot of issues with her past... regretted it, so didn't bother me. relationshp was awful though:)
Why are you dating a slut?
I'm of the opinion that both people should hold out for the right partner and get married.
But if you're actually going to date a slut seriously... treat her like one. She doesn't respect herself so why should anyone else, and when you're done drop her.
I really don't like mentality but you're going to get screwed unless you find a decent girl or least to be just as shitty as her. It's really sad.
So she likes sex.
How is that a problem?
I would prefer a woman who enjoyed/wanted the D to one who was frigid and only pretended to like sex... until she had you hooked legally.
Be sure to have each other tested for STDs, especially chlamydia.
Stop worrying about something that you can’t change.
She chose you to be with, so focus on making this a positive relationship rather than fixating on the negative.
Her past is her business, not yours, so if you want to be with her, don’t ruin it by worrying about something that you can’t change
Why are you dating her if she disgusts you? Break up. Find someone like you. Let her find someone who will love her as she is.
What’s the logic of the men who disagree with this? Be with the woman and torture her about her past which she can’t change? Jeez.
It just makes you a normal guy. Every guy who is not completely fucking retarded is bothered by stuff like this, and no intelligent guy would ever enter a relationship with a slut. Even though you may not feel like it now, your best call is to break up with her
No slut ever made a good girlfriend/wife/mother/anything.
This is true, it's in men's nature to be bothered by stuff like this, it's biology, not being bothered by it makes you less of a man.
Sadly, men are getting less and less manly these days, but hey, gives more room for us better men to get what we want right?
Ok I understand how you feel because if my boyfriend slept around like that I’d be SOOO annoyed by it. Like he’s done other stuff with a lot of girls not even sex and it still really annoys me. I’m gonna be real with you, you either have to put her past behind you or break up with her. If you leave this unresolved you’ll either be bothered by it or hopefully you won’t care about it anymore..
Ahem John Green. Thank you for your time.
Love John Green
Improper analogue and circular logic and to quoque logical fallacies. His premise is his evidence, its wrong to judge a person on their past because its wrong, that's not a rational argument. Also its completely inaccurate as we have studied this quite a bit and we know for a fact that casual sex has a negative impact. We know it increases the probability of cheating, divorce, unhappiness in long term relationships, dissatisfaction with sex, increased rates of single motherhood (which comes with its own host of issues), increased rates of anxiety and depression.
As for the standards of men, no actually we don't, women don't generally want men who sleep around either but ironically they hate virgin men more and as such any "double standard" is self inflicted by women. Also ignoring that, it doesn't mean that its okay to sleep around for them either, that's like saying that because another person did something wrong its okay for you to do something wrong, that's not a logical argument.
Yeah uh... I love John Green but 1) his analogy isn't... relevant or logical-- sex is sex and nothing else is sex, only sex is sex, so comparing it to Cheerios is pretty dumb, and 2) males and females are different. He can get annoyed that males and females are held to different sexual standards if he chooses to, but most people (especially most males) don't feel that way, and if they tell you they do, they're lying to you.
Text is too small to read.
@Miristheiss I think you can tap it to read it
Still small on phone.
Probably have to be on computer.
Prepare for all the dumbasses who are gonna call you an "insecure jealous loser incel who's bad in bed".
Ignore them, it's totally fine to feel this way, but her past is really non of your business, your best bet is leaving the relationship because you both are clearly different, neither side is wrong or right, so there's no way for it to work unless you change that thing about you (which I highly advise you DO NOT change, find someone like you who thinks the same)
Guys that usually think like this... are guys who don’t have much of a “sexual past” themselves.
Most guys that have a decent amount of past sexual experience, don’t feel this way about their gal having a “promiscuous past”.
Could there be a big difference in her sexuality then vs now? Is she still down for anything, or does she act like she's not very sexual now?
A lot of women start acting all prim and proper when they "settle down" because they only "settled down" to have financial security.
Was she promiscuous in every orifice or just in the mouth & sniz? Because if the latter is only true, just utilize her anus from now on. :) Problem solved?
I think you're just dealing with your own insecurities in the relationship, which is totally okay as long as you acknowledge that they're there and have the willingness to move past them. What your girlfriend has done in the past has nothing to do with you, she's choosing to be with you at the end of the day and that's all that matters. If she wanted to back to that past she would, but she wants you so you just need to focus on yourself and work past second guessing yourself.
Take it from me her life before she met you doesn't matter that's stuff that happened way before you two knew each other what happens when y'all two started dating onward is the only thing that counts other wise you get paranoid and lose that person I've seen it to many times
Maybe because you're feeling a little insecure? I don't know you so it really depends if she's shared all of her story with you. Some people just like sex, some more so than others and as women it's not really seen as a double standard. Where a man will be seen as being a lad for being promiscuous, women will b seen as being grade A easy. I think you should talk to her and let her know. It's the adult thing to do, could u maybe offer me some advice on my post?
It could be that he's worried that there may be more to her past that she hasn't told him? These types never tell 100% of what they've done for this exact reason lol. Or all the bad decisions she's made in life makes him see her differently? Imagining your loved one, swallowing cum on 20 different occasions with 20 different guys does something to your opinion of them. It doesn't AUTOMATICALLY become about his inadequacy. I would say that's the 3rd option in line for the uneasy feeling he's getting.
@LVbrando85 Yeah I agree. But he does need to talk to her if it's something that his not comfortable with otherwise it'll just eat him alive x
@Lovequinnsalinger yeah unfortunately he'll need to decide if he loves her enough to get over it or move on. You have to have mutual respect for your spouse. Otherwise its bound to fail.
- I like your vibe by the way lol. I'm gonna follow you. You should follow me back lol.
@LVbrando85 Haha yeah I will do ha I also have a question on my page ha could u help me out by leaving ur thoughts? x
Sure! I'll check it out!
Relax life is short, a lot of girls be in gangbangs, trains, Mandingo parties, orgies, etc. Hell some of people mother's were once free subscription pornstars, no camera need, the world may never know. People tend to be like squirrels on Viagra in their youth. Than you hit 30 than realize, maybe I don't need all this nuts, But the past is the past, don't over think it, you'll end putting yourself in a very sticky unpleasant situation and state of mind
Dude if she was a skank, I don't blame you for being disgusted.
She shouldn't just get to wipe her past clean simply because she is now realizing she can't get by on her looks anymore and wants to settle down.
Actions have consequences and she made hers.
I don't date garbage and I would never keep a female who used to be a cum sponge, it shows her nature.
That would bother most normal men, it bothers you because you know it could happen again while she is with you. You wonder if she has changed, well a leopard cannot change its spots. My ex-wife was very similar, she left her ex-husband before me cheating and she left me after cheating.
If she’s an older woman, that’s just something you will either have to accept or break up with her and move on. A lot of older woman have tons and tons of baggage and it sounds like her baggage is centered around her sex life
If you know the past you know the tendency for the future. I guess this bothers you.
You should adjust your expectations
is your expectation of a girlfriend to be someone who is not involved in casual sex?
if it is then of course it bother u
You're worried about you not being as good or better than the other guys she's been with, maybe try talking to her
I wouldn't even make a promiscuous person my partner
Insecurities my dude. We all have them. You clearly care for her so just look inward when you get frustrated. You may not trust her due to these feelings. Just my 2 cents.
Are you insecure and comparing yourself? It's okay to be. You just have to identify it. I was there before. If you don't control it it'll turn toxic. You don't want that.
Everyone has casual sex nowadays. It sounds like you aren't keeping up with the times.
I bet she is absolute tornado in bed too, could be worse dude.
Make 4 or 5 new.. but 1 at a time.. you'll feel good after... experience different plates too
She's with you for a reason. Maybe you're insecure?
@Agem123 It could be that he's worried that there may be more to her past that she hasn't told him? These types never tell 100% of what they've done for this exact reason lol. Or all the bad decisions she's made in life makes him see her differently? Imagining your loved one, swallowing cum on 20 different occasions for 20 different guys does something to your opinion of them. It doesn't AUTOMATICALLY become about his inadequacy. I would say that's the 3rd option in line for the uneasy feeling he's getting.
Because you're an insecure infant who needs to grow up. Worry about the present and the future, not that past.
Me? Nope. As for why, beats me. Do her a favor and end things before she grows too invested in you and you hurt her.
Normal. Most guys don't want to be in a serious relationship with a harlot.
Lmao I love you
@Syrian_survivor ilu2
Maybe you view her as a more serious life partner than the women you've dated before?
Why do you ask? I mean about her history! I understand that this is a usual guy thing, and girls fuckin talk anyway, but blaze a new path.
Perhaps because once a slut, always a slut. In the back of your mind, you know she will never change.
Because she's nasty ho. And you're just blinded by pussy and nice smile. Run dude. You can't make a ho a housewife.
The answer is simple, "you can't turn a whore into a housewife".
Stay with her but actively look for a woman with less mileage.
It would bother me too. I find promiscuous people (women and men) a big turnoff. It would be a showstopper for me.
Because you realize that she's a skank and that developing feelings for her would be a big mistake. That goes against basic male biological programming.
If you're that bothered break up with her and move on.
Because part is supposed to be forgotten, especially your one. But you hey thinking about her past more than herself. That's why.
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