Should I break up with my boyfriend for lying about meeting another girl?

[pinkdaisy22]

I (25F) have been dating my boyfriend (29M) for a year. A few days ago, I found out that he went and met a girl who he was presumably providing career advice to. He told me he was gonna pick up coffee for us but instead was meeting with her (which was planned many days ago). When I asked to accompany him ( I didn’t know he was gonna meet with anyone), he made his best effort not to take me and he convinced me to stay somewhere, waiting for him for two hours not knowing what was happening, not answering my calls, instead messaging me he was on the phone. I knew where he was going so I decided to go and figure out, where I saw him seating on a table with the girl. He begged for forgiveness after, accepted that what he did was wrong but I could never figure out what was his real intention for concealing the meeting. He insists that he only wanted to help and he is not into her. Should I break up with him? He insists he only wanted to hep and that he’s not into her but I don’t know why he lied about the whole thing. I appreciate your help :)

[Anonymous]

Are you even together in the first place? Is there something to break up? Because it doesn't even sound like he is your boyfriend.

It's beyond me how can anyone officially declare someone their boyfriend / girlfriend before ensuring that this does not happen. ㅤ

[pinkdaisy22]

Yeah we’ve been together for almost a year. In the last six months we’ve been together 24/7. We had plans to get engaged this summer. I don’t know how I could ensure that something like this won’t happen? The fact that it cought me off guard makes it painful.

[Anonymous]

Is she cute? If she’s cute, nice body, more than likely he wants to get w her in one way or another. At the same time if he had told you about this, helping her by providing career advice, would you have been ok w him going alone?

[pinkdaisy22]

She’s alright. He’s insisting that she’s not his type and he only did it to help. He told me a week before that she had contacted him about advice but never said anything about meeting in person. I would have been totally fine if he’d told me before that and not have ignored my calls and keeping me in the dark for two hours.

[Opinion Owner]

More than likely he’s into her. A lot of me will say things like that. Oh she’s not my type because we know if we say yes she’s my type you’re going to get mad. If he’s saying things about her, like omg how can she wear short ass shorts like that w no underwear, that’s disgusting. It’s to throw you off. Some men won’t tell their girl things either because she will make a big deal out of nothing. In this situation I’m pretty sure he was hiding it cause he’s into her.

[emeraldsaphire]

He probably lied because he didn't want you to think he was into her. So he made things worse by hiding it. It's a standard sitcom plot. Regardless of his intent he was still being deceptive. I'd probably stay if everything else was going well.

[pinkdaisy22]

What if seeing other girls or guys behind your partner’s back is a no no in your relationship? He knew what he was doing was wrong and if he did let me know I’d handle it way better. He doesn’t know why he did it

[emeraldsaphire]

It sounds like you've already made up your mind. Since he doesn't know why he did it, he either has little introspective abilities or he's lying

[pinkdaisy22]

I agree! Thanks for your insight:)

[CriminallyInsane]

Has he lied a lot before that you know of? There's no reason to lie about meeting someone where nothing is going on so something about it must be worth hiding.

[pinkdaisy22]

Even if he has, this was the first time he’d was caught. We had a change of plans that day that kept me in the area, I think it was too late for him to change or cancel the meeting so he just decided to go through. He keeps saying it was a stupid decision not to tell me and that he had a lapse of judgment

[CriminallyInsane]

If this is the first time, then maybe if you're happy in your relationship, let one lie go but make sure he knows he needs to earn your trust back. If it was a pattern or becomes one, end it. If you're already maybe thinking there are other problems, then this is a good reason to end it along with whatever else is going on. Since you're asking about breaking up over one thing, I tend to think there are other issues too.

[pinkdaisy22]

There are no other issues, I just have very strict rules about loyalty and honesty, and he knows it. I love him and that’s why I haven’t broken up with him. I’m concerned that he was into her and that’s why he lied and can’t come up with a reasonable explanation, which makes things very different for me

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you cut through confusion in love without gaslighting yourself, gorgeous.

Him “helping” isn’t the problem. The lies, secrecy, and making you wait alone for two hours are. That’s calculated, not clueless. Huge trust red flag.

You don’t need “proof” of cheating to walk away. If your gut feels unsafe and disrespected, breaking up is absolutely reasonable. You deserve transparency, not sneaky coffee dates.

[Alex-Snow]

There is no reason for him to lie about it. HAs he done it before? HAs your sex life with him changed lately? I would have a long talk with him and get him to agree that in a relationship total honesty is the only and best way for it to continue

[pinkdaisy22]

It’s the first time I figured he had done such a thing, we’ve never had a major problem surrounding this matter. Our sex life has been actually good, and even better than any time. He agreed to that, and he’s saying that he won’t ever do such a thing. Now I’m wondering whether I should look past this or not. I’m having a hard time to believe he didn’t have not-innocent intentions for meeting her like this

[fish5505_87]

I'm not buying it. Take a couple days, and do some soul searching.

[pinkdaisy22]

Buying what he says?

[fish5505_87]

That's correct.

[beefcakebradybatson]

DUMP DAT DUDE !!!