Girlfriend Lied to me about another guy, what now?

[Anonymous]

Basically, there is this rlly good friends of hers who's just a jerk. Whenever we're together, he'll send her snaps calling me ugly, and even telling her "Don't worry, I'll let him borrow you for awhile baby". She doesn't rlly seem to mind... He lives in another state, he's only 16, but still, kinda annoying. I talked to my girlfriend about this, and she said she'll block him bc it made me uncomfortable... I later found out that she unblocked him and has continued to talk to him behind my back. What should I do? She broke my trust big time and it rlly sucks, but I don't know if ending things is the right thing to do.

[TommyMountainFigure]

You are both really to blame for this situation. You have no right to tell her who her friends should be, and then she had no right to deceive you (although technically she never lied to you. She told you she would block him and she did. She would have had to to unblock him.)

I have no idea of your age but I can tell you something. If you want her to start respecting you? Do the grown up thing and learn to play along with his insults, and treat them as a joke. Learn some great comebacks. Who knows you could even gain a friend instead of losing a g/f

That's how I would go about it anyway.

[Asker]

Here's the thing tho... I did. I specifically told her I will never tell her who, and who her friend should be. I simply told her that him insulting me mad me feel bad, and she offered to block him. I just don't understand why she added him back. And then lied when I asked.

And yes, to some extent I understand how you would say "play along with the jokes" but when you're sitting there trying to have quality time with your girl, and she's more focused on how funny this dude is who constantly throws insults at her boyfriend, it's not that easy to "play along".

[TommyMountainFigure]

Now that you have shed more light on the issue I can completely see your side of the argument. It now changes my advice too.
If it were me knowing what I know now, I'd probably tell her everything you know she's done then at the end of it I'd say "it's all forgiven. Do that to me ever again though and that is the end of us. Your choice,"

[Asker]

I agree, and that's rlly what I'm thinking. Srry if I'm asking to much, but here's the other difficult part. Obviously we had this whole argument tonight, and the entire time she's saying how sorry she is, how she understands how horrible it was and how she broke my trust, and she starts degrading herself and self harm. And it goes more from "your hurt my feelings by doing this" to "pls don't be sad, it's ok it's ok" where in reality, it's not ok. It rlly hurt my feelings and broke my trust. I dated her best friend (we're cool now by the way) and when I broke up with her, her best friend told her to block me... But every time she blocked me, she unblocked me... I can already see the future with this I feel... But I don't know, she rlly seems to be sorry.

[TommyMountainFigure]

You have to decide whether she's genuinely sorry for hurting you, or only sorry because she got caught. That is probably the crunch decision for you to have to make. I would give her one more chance and treat the matter as closed. It is best for all round. But let her know if it happens again, she's ended the relationship by doing so. The important thing though is to never bring it up again and literally put it out of your mind if you can. Dwelling on it will have an adverse effect on how she views her mistake.

[michael1469]

Wow... you are worried about a guy from another state... paranoid much?

[Asker]

More just the lack of respect and consideration from her, and then the lying.

[Ms_Vanderquack]

Dude, she clearly doesn't respect you. And without respect there is no relationship.

[Asker]

Ik. It rlly feels that way.

[tzdc21]

First off, she should have told him off and blocked him all on her own when he started being a piece of s*** towards you, so the fact that she didn't is alarming in of itself. And then she goes behind you back and unblocks him and continued to talk to him behind your back? Pal, I think it's time to move on and drop her. Because clearly she does not respect you or your feelings and is only interested in pleasing herself. And if you're worried that ending things is the right thing to do, well talking to someone who frequently disrespects your SO, and on top of that doing so while your SO doesn't like you doing it, is not the right thing to do. So ending things would be the right response to that disrespectful behavior. Drop her dump ass and find you a woman who actually gives a damn about you and your feelings.

[Avicenna]

Monitor the situation carefully and insist she block him again

[In_Trance]

You tell us..