Is it normal to feel shy or self-conscious around your boyfriend?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

My ex knew me so well, so deeply and knew exactly what type of person I was and loved me anyway and I sometimes feel shy seeing myself from his eyes, there are so many things I catch in my personality that I wouldn’t really like in another person, and sometimes I am annoyed of myself too… And I feel shy of them knowing all these things about me…

I was in gestalt therapy for a year and we took a pause after break up, because after break up all my anxiety and worrying ended… I felt sad but clear, no longer afraid or jealous. Because everything I was afraid of already happened.

Now I want to continue it at the end of this month - but she tries to make me accept myself as I am, I however, want her to try and help me improve.

Updates

4 mo

My therapist doesn’t try to change me radically because I am not diagnosed with anything.

All my problems in our past 1 year of communication were because of uncertainty in my relationship and my low self esteem. Which we were working on. They ended right after break up I felt a relief.

[Cyfris]

You need a new therapist and a new boyfriend. I have had to switch mine a couple times before I found one that gave me the answers I need in words I could understand and use to my own benefit. You do need to accept yourself as you are but you can also work towards a better version of yourself. I'm am working on being better at fully developing my thoughts before letting them leave my mouth. You need to realize there is no tougher critic then the one in the mirror and nobody sees what you do. They see what you show them so you would have to show it to a therepist and how bad it can be for it for them to be able to offer guidance. Turn out that was part of my problem with Dr#2 was that I wasn't communicating my needs in the right way and because of that the doctor thought I was pointing in a different direction. It is your time and you pay for it so be sure that you lead the discussion and if you feel they are not on the same path say I think we are on different levels here how can I get you to see what I am trying to say.

[LuciusTheOdd]

My advice is just being natural, Explain to them how you feel, And move on with your life.


I have learned the hard way that one of the dumbest things you can possibly do is not be open about your emotions with your partner, If you’re self-conscious or you don’t trust them or whatever and you don’t vocalize that, You’re either gonna be putting a tough situation where you no longer Have an option but expose yourself or your eventually going to do something absolutely stupid and potentially ruin what otherwise would’ve been an amazing relationship.


And if they treat you poorly because You opened up that means one of two things either they’re an asshole And you didn’t wanna be with them anyways, or there is something wrong with you. You need to check that out in immediately and get some help.






For that last point that I made I know that generally it’s kind of preached that oh hey if they don’t like you for who you are, it’s their problem, Which I get how that’s a big thing for self-confidence but I can tell you right now sometimes that is not the case sometimes if somebody doesn’t like you when you open up it’s because there is something wrong with you, And that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re an evil person give up on life entirely, but it does mean That maybe you should explore yourself a bit, Which I personally think you should do after every breakup anyways.


Does this necessarily answer your question? Maybe not, You used a word I do not know And while I could simply infer it’s meaning, I would rather provide these sagely wisdom that works with every issue, which is to just simply communicate with your damn partner.

[nekkibarbie]

yes, feeling shy or overly self-conscious around your boyfriend (or any close partner) is completely normal—especially in an intimate relationship where you truly care. It often stems from low self-esteem or harsh self-criticism, where you judge your own "flaws" so severely that you fear others will see them and pull away. Even with your ex, who knew you deeply and loved you anyway, that vulnerability felt exposing—that's a common fear of being truly seen.
In Gestalt therapy, self-acceptance is foundational because genuine change begins from accepting yourself as you are, without judgment. But if you want more than just acceptance—if you want active improvement—communicate that clearly to your therapist: you seek both. Start with acceptance to find peace and reduce the inner critic, then move into conscious growth so the changes feel authentic and sustainable. These aren't opposites; acceptance creates the safe ground from which real, lasting improvement can grow.
Practice vulnerability gradually—start with small, honest shares. It takes time, but it deepens connection and helps you like yourself more. You're not alone in this; many feel the same, and recognizing it is already a strong step forward.

[DryGermanGuy]

Is there a reason to only post these worthless ChatGPT text walls?

[Ms_Facesitter]

I have that sometimes. When you're doing something you're used to, there's a demonstration or something and it's okay, because you've done it a thousand times already. But if I know that he is watching, I get nervous. "IT HAS TO BE PERFECT".

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you untangle messy heart stuff and actually feel good in your own skin again.

Yes, it’s normal to feel shy or self‑conscious with a boyfriend, especially after a deep, almost “I-see-your-soul” relationship. That breakup stripped your fears, so now you’re hyper-aware of your flaws.

Therapy can do both: self-acceptance and growth. Accepting yourself isn’t “give up”, it’s “I’m worthy now, while I improve”. That combo is sexy, confident, and a huge green flag.

[ohsheeT]

Because the is the feeling of energy. That come with those feeling and in a way it kind of a way of communicating if you feel energy and you know how to read eyes and that feeling can be very toxicating

[Simslover92]

I am a naturally shy person and because I didn't see him everyday and only once a month, I always felt shy around him at first. I think if you're a naturally shy person, then it's more normal.

[loveslongnails]

Your post is a little confusing. I've never heard of a therapist who didn't want you improve yourself knowing that YOU wanted to improve yourself? That's kind of bizarre. Acceptance of yourself doesn't preclude that.

If you've been able to gain confidence and get over some of your anxiety, that's great! Is it normal? I think an expert might say what's normal is what's normal for you. Is it common - that's another question, but I don't think so. I believe it's more common to be relaxed and at ease when you're with your special someone. Isn't that one of the reasons you enjoy being with them?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I think she wants me to accept myself radically and change from the place of acceptance.

She doesn’t want me to feel guilty or overthink everything about myself, which I often do and criticize myself far better than anyone else can do.

The thing is I am not diagnosed with anything, I just go on therapy as a way to improve myself and have a person with whom I can be totally myself.

[loveslongnails]

More confusion about this now --- what does "accept myself RADICALLY" mean? Are you saying she wants you to accept yourself first, and then make radical changes in order to improve?

I think you're telling me that feeling guilty and overthinking everything are things you do constantly, and she wants you to stop doing that, which would be a "radical" change in behavior?

Is that what you're trying to say?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yes. That’s what am saying.

[loveslongnails]

Now I understand. Whatever the terminology is, be it radical or otherwise, I truly hope you accomplish whatever you set out to do to make yourself a more confident person, and free yourself of excessive self-criticism, guilt and doubt. I like to remember this:

"No one has ever succeeded by getting everything right; mistakes are lessons, learn from them".

That, and "Guilt sucks. Whatever you did is already done. Even if you regret it, you can't change it, just don't do it again. Keep going forward".

[Zack-Bann]

There’s nothing more toxic than someone still riding the highs and dreading the lows of a past relationship getting into a new one


Your new boyfriend doesn’t deserve half your soul just because your ex got all of it


If you have no more soul to give you have to find some before dating again


But while it’s a common thing I wouldn’t call it ‘normal” and definitely not healthy

[Sirenboobzilla]

I'd say it's normal at first. You're not sure of what will put them off or what they're perfectly ok with; everything's new.

[MidnightRivers]

I think it is completely normal, I had GFs who were but it came from a genuine place because they 'cared' I was told

[Abbycado]

I would not say it is normal to feel like that. I certainly don't. If I did, we probably wouldn't be together.

[spartan55]

I was relieved for you.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Really? 😇 I want to ask why but I know the answer. Everyone who cared for me was relieved.

[spartan55]

You know why...😄

[WhitneySnow]

It’s normal but as long as you love him and he loves you it’s totally fine. You can work on the shyness with him and in therapy.

[Amur8711]

I think everyone that is naturally shy will always be shy with their partner at some point and some things may never go away being shy about. Nothing wrong with that.

[Nikki1989]

It is actually very common, especially if the relationship is relatively new.

[exitseven]

Yes, you want to make a good impression but you find that you have a bad case of gas. Always a problem.

[jshm2]

That's called "embarrassment" deary.

[Grond21]

Gestalt therapy is fascinating. I think it could use some additions of other more result focused therapy too. Maybe EMDR

[MrFrenchFry]

Asking somebody to make you better isn't fair. I'm not a Dr but I think it's also unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

I have strong crush on you since the day one bsbe...😘

[beefcakebradybatson]

Haven't had a boyfriend in AGES !!!

[Bklynbadboy12]

Yes it is after a while that will change

[Anonymous]

Not, unless he likes that.

[flowery_gurl]

Yes , it is pretty normal

[Jennz6]

Nope