Why is my best friend upset with me after her dog was put down?

[Anonymous]

I am annoyed with her, she texted me on Saturday that she might have to put her dog down, I called her as soon as I saw her text and no response I then texted her this long text and she responded like 10 hours later saying thank you bestie with a heart. I followed up with did you have to put him down today? with a sad face and I never got a response, I texted her today saying guess you didn't get my text and she responded to me by saying I did get it I just didn't like how it sounds and that she isn't mad or anything blah blah, I don't know but it pissed me off because I was with my boyfriend that they and literally called her the second I got the text. So for her to say that she pissed me off, I even got her a keychain memorial gift that day and I still yet to receive it. But why would she say that?

[HollyK21]

I understand your frustration for sure, and if I were you I’d either call her or ask to speak in person. Texting can be so impersonal and things can be easily misinterpreted, or lost in translation that way. What happened over the weekend could just be part of a bigger grievance she has and you may not be aware, which makes how she’s acting even more confusing.


For example, back when I first started dating my fiancé, up until him I’d never had a serious relationship, just dating flukes. Because I’ve always been single, majority of my free time went to by best friend of 10+ years. So when things started changing, she became very passive aggressive, confusing, and otherwise problematic because she couldn’t properly communicate her issues. So maybe a similar experience is happening for you.

[Asker]

I ordered her a memorial gift but it hasn't arrived and she told me to give her space and that she doesn't hate me but to be honest I am mad at her now because she never gave me an update if she was putting her dog down that day. I can understand she is sensitive right now but I don't know how else I could have come up in text because she never called me back but I am trying to see your
POV of what you are telling me and that she is grieving but it hurts to know that I am trying to be there for her and she doesn't allow me in and that my text sound wrong

[HollyK21]

Has there been any tension, frustration, or anything negative that’s happening between you guys before this? Don’t get me wrong — you have the right to be upset. Her behavior just seems very harsh and for no good reason. You called immediately, sent her a gift, kept trying to call, you did all of that without even knowing for sure that she put her dog down. I just wonder if there’s more to it and this was cherry on top.

[HollyK21]

Was it confirmed that she put her dog down?

[Asker]

Yes she confirmed it yesterday and she did text me that day that two doctors told her to put him down and she said she's having to make to make the tough decision to putting him down later today and my text was a follow up like did she went through with it but my guess is it sounded wrong. I only texted her Did you have to put him down? with a sad face but I guess people mourn different and I was just confused to be honest and I thought her reaction was harsh and rude but I may have came off that way to her too

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You have no idea how rude that “guess you didn’t get my text” bit was to a person in mourning, do you?

[Asker]

I don't because she never gave me an update...

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

The ghosting WAS your update. She’s in MOURNING. Have you never experienced loss? Is that why you’re acting like this?

[Asker]

I have lost a dog a long time ago but wasn't rude like I felt she was, so to be honest no I do not understand and maybe that is my problem

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You had no control, she had to make the choice. Do you have any idea how painful it is to decide to euthanize your pet? To hold onto them and keep them in your arms as the vet gives them the means to die? It’s insanely traumatic, and you not caring about your pets on the same level she does is NOT an excuse to allow yourself to be ENTITLED to her time and energy. The more you talk about this, the more it honestly pisses me off

[ohsheeT]

Yah sounds like it's a me me me world... why don't everyone just take a breath it is what it is quit making it about each other or making it about you and her making it about herself it's about a dog that died her best friend just because it sounds a certain way doesn't mean that it is a certain way so quit making about yourselves and be there for each other like friends are supposed to do just because timing is off does it mean you have to treat each other that way this is the lesson not blame each other for whatever stupid ass reasons

[RavVid]

Maybe she was grieving and, to her, your response might have been a little mechanical and confronting to her grief.

Does that make sense?

Like saying 'sorry your dad is dead' is not the best way of phrasing it.

[Asker]

My heart meant it but she never returned my call so I don't know how I came off as she never told me if she proceeded to put him down or not but I guess I did sound rude in a way which I'm beyond confused

[RavVid]

I'm sure your heart did mean it. I also think past experience with grief makes it easier next time. Your friend could be grieving so much she doesn't want to interact and it doesn't anything to do with you in reality.

[Asker]

I'm trying to be understanding but I found it rude how she approached me but I guess I haven't experience loss in that way I'm just feeling hurt and sad because I feel I did something that was not my intention at all but thank you for listening some people can be really rude on here

[RavVid]

You are welcome. Dealing with your own grief and somebody else's is difficult. When she comes back just be sympathetic I think in attitude you don't need to express it but just be it.

[RavVid]

Thanks for a MHO

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to decode messy feelings and bridge weird distance between people 💋

She’s grieving hard, and grief makes people super sensitive and irrational. Your “guess you didn’t get my text” can sound passive-aggressive when someone’s dog just died. She’s not ungrateful, just hurt, raw, and probably guilty and numb.

Give her space, drop a simple “I love you, I’m here when you’re ready,” then let her come to you. That keychain will mean more when the emotions calm down.

[Nikki1989]

Some people will never learn. You had this coming.

[WhitneySnow]

No clue. You should ask her why she didn’t like how it sounded.

[msc545]

Instead of expecting a bunch of strangers to figure out this complicated situation, I think you just need to ask your friend.

[Asker]

true but she just told me she needs space I just don't see how I came off rude that's what I wanted clarity on

[exitseven]

Look, she is upset about her dog. Just cut her some slack?

[Anonymous]

It's your friend and you don't know but we will?

[Asker]

It made no sense to me, I was nice about it but she didn't like how it sounded like wtf? What else could I have done if she didn't answer her phone